Falco, you SLUT! You dirty, filthy, suave, too clever for your own good, SLUT! You should be ashamed! WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELF!
In all fairness, I’m not some shlub trying to waltz his way into the panties of respectable women, only to leave immediately after “success”. This is just me, trying to find my way to love – or at least the idea of it. But enough mushy talk, let’s get down to bidness.
Another day, another one hour break. Where would you like to go fishing today, Falco? AHA! Look over there! No, no! On the bench! Oh. My. God. She’s GORGEOUS! Will you look at that honey brown hair that seems to fall effortlessly on her immaculately kept white pea coat?! I MUST go to her! GO FALCO! GO! GO YOU! GO…
Oh no… NO!! WHY?! Chubby little Asian girl, WHY! WHY DID YOU HAVE TO SIT NEXT TO HER! AGHH! It would have been perfect! WE COULD HAVE GROWN OLD TOGETHER! After lingering around the vicinity of pea coat lady, I decided to leave. Apparently, Chubby-little-Asian-girl was in a deep trance between herself, and a tuna sandwich. DAMN THOSE THINGS!
In order to kill time and hopefully return to find the bench half empty (or half full?) I decided to go somewhere else. In the distance, there was a girl. Perhaps she was Indian, or maybe African American. I wasn’t sure. But after a quick exchange of “Is this seat taken?” I noticed that she was much more. She’s was probably a mixed woman – very beautiful however. However, she was trapped in the abyss of a good book.
At this point, It’s very difficult to decide what to do. Do I make my approach whilst ruining her study session? What if she’s REALLY into that book? What if she’s waiting for a class and she’s doing a little bit of last minute reading? Generally, if the woman fidgets around, and takes visual breaks from reading her book, you can tell that she’s not that concerned with reading it. In that case, I tend to make a move. But i didn’t.
Instead, I kept thinking about the pea coat girl. But who do I talk to?! This girl, or the pea coat girl?! Falco, go for the pea coat girl! DO IT! DO IT! NO! DON’T! YOU SHALLOW BITCH! THIS GIRL OVER HERE IS PERFECT! SHE’S OBVIOUSLY SMART, AND VERY CUTE! And in typical Falco fashion, I decided to leave.
Me: Excuse me, do you know what time it is?
Me: Cool, thanks
I swooped up my things, got up, and started to walk. And just as I started to walk away I heard her speak:
Aggghhhh SHIT! SHIT! MOTHER FUCKIN SHIT! YOU FUCKED UP FALCO! YOU FUCKED IT UP! SHE WAS A GOOD GIRL! AND YOU WANTED TO LEAVE, JUST SO YOU CAN GO FOR THE OTHER GIRL! Falco….I’m disappointed. You need to go back. GO BACK AND TALK TO THAT WOMAN! DO IT! Luckily, when I checked up on pea coat woman, she was being comforted by Chubby-little-Asian-girl and her tantalizing sandwich. I walked back to the book girl.
Me: Eh, false alarm :) << Smooth
Me: Are you reading that for a class, or for fun?
Her: Oh, it’s for my English class.
Me: Is…that the class you just had? Or the class that’s coming up next?
Her: I just had it. But the next time I have it is next week
Me: What the heck? Next week?!
Her: haha I know right?!
Me: So are you an English major? Or….
Her: I’m actually doing three things
Me: Oh wow. What are those?
Her: I want to major in Child development, minor in Sociology, and become specialized in massage therapy.
Me: Wow. You’re going for the ultimate package, eh?
Her: Haha, yea kinda.
We talked about school, sociology, jambalaya, and the fact that she’s never been to a noodle house. She was a very fun girl to talk to. Sweet voice, gorgeous smile, and the most tender vibe to ever emit from a single body. I was really connecting with her. Despite our differences in interests, we still managed to coexist gracefully. She offered me Pizza flavored Pringles, which I accepted. We even talked about flying.
Me: Okay, serious talk. If you could learn how to fly, but you ran the risk of messing up, thus falling to your death, would you do it?
Her: No way!
Me: WHAT?! Oh come on! It’s FLYING! You can fly ANYWHERE!
Her: Haha! No no, it’s too risky.
Me: Well I for one, would do it. I mean hey! I can just fly to school. I don’t know about you
Her: Okay, MAYBE! Maybe I would…. haha
After expressing my feelings about the sun beaming on my face, I asked her if she wanted to take our conversation elsewhere, and perhaps go for a walk. For some reason, the conversation flowed so effortlessly. It was as if our personalities were complimenting each other, making for great chemistry.
Me: So what do you have planned for the week? Any plans? Concerts? Big parties to attend to?
Her: Haha no no. Well, I’m going to the school football game this Friday. Other than that, that’s it.
Me: Okay, I have a confession to make: I’ve NEVER been to a school football game before.
Her: What?! Really?! Why not?
Me: Well, when I was in High School, the school was divided between students who had spirit, and those who didn’t. I didn’t.
Her:Well…my friend and I are going this Friday… so if you don’t have any plans…you can come with us if you want.
Me: That….that sounds Great!
Me:Yea! I mean, I’m free that day so that works out perfectly!
Me: Just give me a call sometime this week to confirm where to meet and all that.
Her: Sure, that works!
Me: Do you…. wanna change contact info?
Her: What’s your number?
Me: 555-5555 . And yours?
Me: Yea, I’m pretty excited to go now
Her: Me too
Me: And if you want, we can grab a bite to eat after. I’ll bring you to a good noodle house around here.
Her: How cool!
It’s really starting to dawn on me: not only do nice girls exist, but sweet, and smart girls exist! You just have to be a nice guy, with good intentions. These kinds of women don’t sway to the winds of lesser men. You can’t “Holler” at them, nor can you “tap that”. They’re too clever for that kind of shit. And although the highly masculine, muscle tee bros are getting laid left right and center, they won’t last. They will dry the earth of all the hot girls, and all that will be left are the real women, who only date real men. And for all you nice guys out there, you’ll get your chance. I promise you.