A couple months ago I was strolling through movie trailers section on Youtube. After a few good ones, a handful of shitty ones, and one or two trailers that made me say “WOW, I’m illegalling watching this ASAP!”, I came across a movie that opened up my Asian eyes completely: Good Hair.
Now, in case you didn’t read the banner on top, I’m Asian. I know just as much about black culture as any other Asian: Miles Davis, The Black Panthers, and in eighth grade I could say “YEEEAAAAAHH!” and “OKKAAAY!” like Lil Jon. But for some reason, I never knew about this “black hair industry”.
I mean, I knew that black hair was different, and I knew about weaves, but that’s about it. It just wasn’t a topic people talked about. Sure, 17% of my High School was black, and yes, I did have a few black friends, but no one ever sat me down with a cup of warm tea and said “Ranier, it’s difficult for black people to straighten their hair. We have to use chemicals. I’m sorry you had to hear it from me.”
omgomgomgomgomg
But after watching that movie, it got me thinking: we live in a society that worships white features. We want their noses, we want their hair color, and we want their skin color. And now we want their hair texture? Holy crap!
But the surprising thing is that I had internalized some of it. After watching the trailer I tested myself: I looked at pictures of various black women with their straightened hair, and then with natural hair. In the end, I found myself preferring the straight hair, and I began to feel a bit troubled: I disliked black hair and I didn’t even have a reason why.
If only I saw how cute this woman was, I would have never felt that way 
Has America painted the Black Woman as perfectly IMPERFECT? By American standards (as seen on T.V), the ideal woman is light skinned, with colored eyes, and straight hair. However, the typical black women has none of those – she has dark skin, dark eyes, and curly hair. Does that make Black women not beautiful?
And even though I’m Asian and I don’t share this problem with Black people, I can sympathize. I know what it’s like to look in the mirror and see your ethnic features, and ask yourself “am I ugly?” In an effort to reformat my thinking I tried to find the beauty in Black beauty. And I think I found it:
This is by far the GREATEST picture of all times <3
Sure, Black women don’t have natural straight hair, but what they do have is unique. NO one in the world can have that kind of hair. Black women can make their hair look White, or Indian, or Asian, but there are no White people who can make their hair look black. It’s a beauty that can only be seen in one group of people in this world. Doesn’t that make it beautiful?
Doesn’t the fact that it’s so rare and hard to replicate, make it gorgeous? When you realize the amount of work that Black women go through just to make their hair seem “normal” doesn’t that struggle make it beautiful? I mean shit! Their HAIR has a story to it! What do Asians and Whites have to say about their hair?
A message to all Black Women: Don’t change a thing. No matter how full, or curly. It doesn’t matter if the world prefers you light, dark, or darker. Forget what any magazine tells you. Black isn’t beautiful, it’s fucking gorgeous.
Marry me?
Firstly, I hope you appreciate this lol. I went searching for this vid on YouTube, couldn’t find it so had to go through a year of entries to look for it. Scroll down midway and watch the video, I never realized the pressures that black women go through. I cried. I just watched it again and teared up. It really gives you perspective on how screwed up society actually is… http://girlslashwoman.wordpress.com/2009/01/29/my-body-is-my-biz/
I agree with your assessment of the light haired caucasian model as the ideal beauty in American television. That’s why you don’t see too many minorities. And even when you see minorities, they’re kind of westernized. A black woman is always lighter and her facial features almost look Nordic. An asian woman has bigger eyes and a caucasian-looking bone structure. A brown woman has no armpit hair, what’s up with that? (jk) Point is, if you compare a normal average minority woman of the street and her tv counterpart, she always has some features in her that look white.
As for black women rocking the fro, I love it. I saw the hottest girl in Vegas wearing jeans, a backless top and big fro. I was almost in love.
Sorry for the super late reply! And thank you SO much for digging up that video, I really enjoyed it. But the black doll vs white doll experiment was just too much…It really makes you wonder “If children at such an early age can make judgments like that, what influenced them?” What about when they get older? This internalized racism is quite scary. It’s like watching a petri dish filled with bacteria (racism) and watching it fester into something bigger over time.
Aside from that… I think you make a very valid point about the ethnic minorities possessing “white” features. And it’s not just in America. In Asia and other countries, they often value the lighter skinned women, or the women with colored eyes.
I question how all of these “standards” of beauty came into existence. Is this REALLY what beauty is? Or is there an external/internal machine (other than the media) that programs us into believing this?
The doll test was definitely the most disturbing part of the video. We think we’ve moved forward as a society but we’re still stuck in a cycle of self-hatred.
A perfect example is the surgery that so many East-Asian women go through to get rid of their “monolids”. They can deny it and say it has nothing to do with looking caucasian but where else do you find those features? African women go through rhinoplasty and skin bleaching. It’s terrible.
I think you can tie the standards back to to European imperialism. The White Masai still look for wives suited to their traditional vision of beauty because they are exposed to the westernized ideal. It’s a learned behavior. The doll test shows you just that. These are American kids who see black dolls and white dolls on an every day basis and are told that white is “better”. If white didn’t exist or if black were placed on the same level, the distinctions wouldn’t exist anymore.
I really like your blog. You have a pretty good sense of humor. I pretty agree to everything you said in this piece and I especially your last comment. Sometimes I bum myself because I don`t think I`m that pretty, but reading this made me feel better. Thanks!
Aww thank you Jasmine
It’s always so inspiring to hear from my readers and it really makes me want to write more.
Speaking of which… I plan on writing an entire blog dedicated towards the Interracial dating of Asian men and Black women – so keep a look out!
I don’t think I’m alone on this but I truly believe black women nowadays should start rockin the fro. I HONESTLY HONESTLY find it super super sexy. There’s something so empowering and bold about it. It also creates a very cool contrast and it makes a girl that much more confident looking. And of course, confident = sexy
I’m sorry if I sound angry, but I really am and I have to vent my anger out somewhere! But I think Falco you are one in a million and your girlfriend is lucky to have you. The fact is you just don’t see Asian guys with black women, so I might as well stop thinking it can happen to me. And as if wearing my natural hair is going to make them come running any faster to me. Sometimes I wish I could change my taste in men, maybe go back to liking black, but my preference is the Asian look, And to even stand a chance of winning you guys over, I have to fake my hair, if I could fake my shade I’d do that too. I live in England and I have spent most of my life single because of how I look. I’ll be dammed if anyone thinks things will change if I go natural! Maybe you should send some of your open minded Asian brothers over this side and then maybe i’ll consider it. Been single almost 10 years now, maybe I should get that dam nose job!
First off, I don’t have a girlfriend
To be honest, I think that dating us Asian guys can be very tricky – especially for black women.
Example: there was this black girl in my class and apparently she liked me. She gave me all the signs and even said stuff like “yea, I’m into Korean dramas and I love Asian culture” which should have been a dead giveaway.
But the funny thing is that even though she gave me all the hints, I didn’t think much of it because I SERIOUSLY thought that “why would a pretty black girl be interested in ME, an ASIAN guy?!”
The point I’m trying to make is that a LOT of Asian guys are interested in black women but we’re not sure if you’re interested in us.
Also, it really depends on where you live. I live in the California Bay Area which is very diverse and pretty open in terms of Interracial dating; the Asian guys are also very very open to dating black women.
Lastly, do NOT get a nose job! We are ethnic people and to get a nose job is to simply say that “I’m ashamed of my ethnic features”. Stay the same. If you really want to spend a lot of money, just move down to California where the dating scene is a lot better
you just made a girl smile! ^___^ its nice to see someone outside or ethic group speak about it and to genuinly like our natural beauty!
PS: my dear fellow sisters i strongly suggest to wear the fro, you’ll receive alot of nice compliments!!
I made a girl smile, eh?
Well then you made THIS guy smile too (^.^)
I think all cultures need to realize and understand the beauty of other cultures. We’re all so focused on the idea that beauty is ONE dimensional (blonde hair, blue eyes, etc etc) and we forget all of the other beauties that exist.
Hello,
I met you this oat weekend at the Indie Bazaar. Loved your style by the way. I love, love, love this article you wrote. It’s so true. I wear my hair straight sometimes, but about 3 years ago I started wearing my natural hair and I love! It’s nice to hear that someone else appreciates it too!
*past weekend. Lol
ah! I’m semi blushing after reading that comment
Were you the one wearing the feathered head piece? I’m sorry, I don’t think I asked both of you what your names were.
I think when a black woman can do her hair natural and incorporate it successfully into her style, she gets MAJOR points. Having Asian hair can also be difficult to work with but I can only imagine what it’s like for you – so I definitely have a TREMENDOUS amount of respect for you girls. Not only is it difficult to maintain natural hair, but it’s also difficult to deal with your natural hair given all of the stuff the media tells you.
So kudos to you
<3
thank you thank you thank you!!!! I’ve posted your article on my blog…I went natural last year and love to see this type of positive feedback. Love the blog…keep it up!
[...] Read the article here [...]
Hello, I just saw your article through Bitofabelly81′s blog. I agree with her. THANK YOU!! I’m a Noona and not in the “old lady” kinda way…(SMILES) and I have had my hair chemically straightened the majority of my life. Like many young black girls for me that journey began when I was at the ripe old age of 6. You are absolutely right, western society has indeed placed certain constraints on us as ethnic people so that we can be more accepted. There was a time back in the 70s where wearing certain hairstyles might’ve gotten you fired. I don’t know if I’ll go natural, because I have spent So Many years with my hair this way and I am sure it’s ingrained in my head that I’m not of an age where it would be appropriate for me. HOWEVER, my “sistas” who have made the leap to natural, I say more power to you and I support you wholeheartedly.
I also want you to know in particular that there are many Black women who find Asian men attractive and pretty damn Fly, myself included. I, however, am married to a Black man but I have come to appreciate the AMBW relationship dynamic and I think it is a beautiful thing. If I was still a single woman……….OH Boy!! (SMILES)
ahhhh! what a refreshing topic. Black hair. and coming from the viewpoint of an Asian guy. (smart dude) hahahaha
i’ve been much like sisterfriend BiAlamode until about 3 years ago. i decided to let the chemicals grow out, wore a short close cropped fro and then decided to wear it like pic #2. the great thing about natural hair is learning to follow the natural curl growth. yeap, you can then go from twists, to locks to free curl over and over again all while keeping it fresh and sexy smelling.
thanks much and i adore Falco’s reply to Sisi.
I’m super late lol. I just read this and thank you so much for your humorous and honest input on our hair. I’m a 19 year old black girl who has just learned to love my hair for what it really is. It’s nice to see another point of view about it especially coming from a cool Asian guy such as yourself
nice article
I know this response is late but I just found your site! I read you love natural hair on black women; here is an excellent site showcasing the beauty of natural hair.
http://blkgirlsrock.tumblr.com/
I know you will enjoy!
Just for the record, there are black women of sub-Saharan African descend who have bone straight natural hair. I’ve come across this in America among Blacks of heavy Native American, or Melungeon lineage.
You can also find this among ‘blacks’ in India, those of mixed East African and Indian lineage (Siddi), as well as in North and East Africa.
You also have non-sub-Sarahan blacks with bone straight hair, such as Aboriginals of Australia who are heavily Dravidian in lineage.
I hope you find your coily-haired, broad-nosed, full-lipped, mahogany-toned goddess and that the two of you love each other well for many years – if you’re a one-woman kind of guy. (Alas, I am already married, but I do have a sister with SWEET fluffy ‘fro so big it should have its own name and social security number).
Anyway, I commend you for challenging the perceptions of beauty you once had and for becoming truly enlightened (endarkened?) in the process.
THANK YOU!!
Falco – Wish more black people were as enlightened as you are. The self deception runs deep about the wonders of eurocentic beauty standards. More fools folks who insist on drinking the kool-aid. Its funny how the black folks who love straight/wavy hair and despise afro hair would be vehemently anti skin bleaching, wonder why since the attitude is the same deAfricanise yourself as much as possible to get white acceptance. This love our skin colour but hate our hair that we have going on is a mess.
Mental slavery did not end in 1860..
Hi Asian Guy,
I’m a Black Girl who takes great pride in wearing my natural African textured hair. But before I got to this point, I went through 20 years of relaxing after having spent my first 23 years thermally straightening (not perming) my natural hair.
Eight years ago, at the age of 42, I’d had enough and decided to stop slapping caustic chemicals on my head. I started writing about my hair “journey” about four years ago on my blog Nappturology 101 which can be found at nappyme.wordpress.com.
Anyhoo, while I didn’t have massive hangups about my natural hair, I did have some ingrained attitudes about what I thought was attractive and acceptable when it came to my texture. It took awhile, but it is absolutely possible to deprogram yourself if you really try.
These days, I spend my time not only sharing my journey but researching and sharing knowledge about how to care for African textured hair as well. So how wonderful that someone on a Black hair board community found your blog and shared the link to this post.
I thoroughly enjoyed your article. Your insight, honesty and willingness to become enlightened on this topic is commendable. I too wish that more black folk would take the time to do the same.
You take care, and again, thank you very much.
~Nappyme
congo
Just for the record, there are black women of sub-Saharan African descend who have bone straight natural hair. I’ve come across this in America among Blacks of heavy Native American, or Melungeon lineage.
You can also find this among ‘blacks’ in India, those of mixed East African and Indian lineage (Siddi), as well as in North and East Africa.
You also have non-sub-Sarahan blacks with bone straight hair, such as Aboriginals of Australia who are heavily Dravidian in lineage.
@ This post…My response is who cares? That’s not the point or the topic.
This just made my day and I want to thank you and let you know we appreciate you! I’ve done a blog post and im hoping the girls say thank you!
http://perfectly-pretty.com/2011/04/13/he-thinks-our-hair-is-sexy/
“Be Amazing”
Sherita
Sorry if this is a late entry, but I found this article from “Nappturality” today. After reading it, I have to say NICE ARTICLE FALCO and thanks for letting us know how beautiful and unique we are and maybe we can teach others to love their god giving mane as well.
~Suvonna
Hi Asian Guy!
Wonderful article! I’m black woman who keeps her hair natural and it’s so refreshing to read things like this! Thanks!
Mirah Nirvana
Thank you!
Great message and awesome post! If only more black people felt this way!
Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!
It’s refreshing to read your perspective on this subject. Having grown up in predominantly Asian communities, schools and church (even present-day), and being the only Caribbean-American young lady among my friends, I was constantly asked about my hair texture. Their curiosity increased during my college years when I had finally made the decision to wear my natural hair texture. I had international students spontaneously grabbing the back of my fro at times because they had never seen one or felt one before. It was kind of cute…except for the hand print they left in my fro, LOL!
I rarely see many natural women in my area (and I live in the most diverse part of California), but at least there are websites, blogs, and videos that I refer to regularly just to stay encouraged and inspired. Thanks for showing your appreciation for our beauty the way God intended it to be. Your open-mindedness is encouraging. ~Dewdrop
Very well written, and I, as a black woman who wears her natural hair proudly, am glad to see that someone recognizes the beauty of our hair. It is Effin Gorgeous!!!
thanks for this!
Thank you for your thoughts on natural hair:-) Up until one of my best friends told me about the Asian guys she has dated–plus the one she is currently engaged to, I never thought Asian guys were even interested in anyone other than Asian or WW. It is always refreshing to hear the views of someone who is open-minded enough to see the beauty in ALL types of women–especially in their natural, unaltered form.
Thanks again and I love reading your blog!!
Beautiful article! The funny thing is, the very first genuine compliment I got when I chopped off my relaxed hair and rocked the fro came from my father – who happens to be Korean, lol. I got more admiration and kudos from his side of the family than from my black mother’s! Either way, ^5s for having the balls to speak your mind
Blessed Be
I am a fan!
Thank you so much for this article! I have been natural for 10 years. I have a big thick fluffy curly kinky afro & I love that you think it’s super sexy!
Aww. Love your nice comments regarding natural hair. I have been natural all my life. And I agree. More love should be given to natural black hair. Trust me, I know where some people are coming from who get perms and blowouts, because having natural hair is not easy. But it’s a part of me, and I have learned to love it for what it is.
Yes, I too realize I am late on seeing your post. But I really appreciate how you are a fan of natural hair. It took a while for me to stop chemically altering my hair; even after it grew out I thermally straightened it for almost two more years. Partially fear that I would look ‘weird”, partially that Hubby wouldn’t accept it. I was so wrong on both fronts. I look better (like myself) with the big curly fro, and Hubby LOVES it. So does practically everyone I come across.
I need to go thank Perfectly Pretty for posting your blog post. You are an awesome guy. Whomever you end up marrying will be lucky to have a man who appreciates her natural beauty.
[...] A couple months ago I was strolling through movie trailers section on Youtube. After a few good ones, a handful of shitty ones, and one or two trailers that made me say "WOW, I'm illegalling watching this ASAP!", I came across a movie that opened up my Asian eyes completely: Good Hair. Now, in case you didn't read the banner on top, I'm Asian. I know just as much about black culture as any other Asian: Miles Davis, The Black Panthers, and in eigh … Read More [...]
Really really late but THANK YOU RANIER
. Much love for you here
I am super late but THANK YOU for this! My husband is Korean and he feels the same way about our hair. Although I hear support and encouragement from him, it is refreshing to hear/read about it from someone else.
I LOVED that movie! It confirmed for me to stay natural.
My hair will be straightened when it grows the length I want. I never thought getting a relaxer was “worshipping” “white” features. It was all I knew. Besides I wanted a certain style I LOVED.
I appreciate the love you’re showing though. =]
Nothing wrong with preferring straight hair, especially if you’re showing love for natural hair. =D
As a black woman who wears her hair natural, THANK YOU! Here’s something I learned from my mother: positive motivation is better than negative motivation. Therefore, I have to constantly remind black women (including myself) how gorgeous our hair is!! When I first stopped relaxing my hair, I would constantly google pics of Lauryn Hill, Janelle Monae, and other curly celebs, and go “look at how beautiful she is” as a positive reinforcement, because I had my fair share of critics. One of the defining moments for me early in my natural hair journey was when a Chinese-American friend of mine couldn’t get her hair to keep a curl. She looked at me and went (jokingly?), “can I have your hair?”
But seriously, I even had to cut down on hanging out with people who said negative comments about my hair. (“When are you going to get your hair DID?” “Do you want me to do your hair for you?”) Now I only hang out with other naturals and other races. Yeah, it’s that bad. I don’t understand why, in the 21st century, we still have open (curlyism?) disdain for naturally kinky/curly hair.
[...] A Follow-Up On My Previous Blog: “I Think Black Women [...]
This statement is so sweet:
“Sure, Black women don’t have natural straight hair, but what they do have is unique. NO one in the world can have that kind of hair. Black women can make their hair look White, or Indian, or Asian, but there are no White people who can make their hair look black.”
BUT, actually, for about $250 you can:
http://thewhyfile.blogspot.com/2008/03/get-your-korean-afro-perm-right-here.html
It’s not super popular but I’ve seen a few folks running around town like this!
It was great that you were so open and honest about your taste in black hair and beauty. Even better was that you chose to enlighten yourself about it and not stay at an ignorant level. It’s actually kind of amazing that an Asian guy can feel this way, when a lot of black men don’t. I’ve run into guys who just can not deal with my natural hair it has to be long or straight but preferably both. Kudos!
i think it’s fantastic that you think this way about black women. I wish that everyone would read this and really get it through their heads. You’ve made my day, honestly. i don’t think enough black women think that they are beautiful and we need to hear that kind of thing. thanks
I’m very pleased with this product. My hair is graying and this color matches my hair much better than the previous product I was using. With that product I had to use two different colors (gray and brown) to get the same effect as gray with Super Million. It also shakes out more easily. I will be buying more.
Lovely article. I am an African American gal and I LOVE my natural hair. People laugh at me when I’m out and about, or ask why I don’t straighten my hair or wear weave like everyone else does. Why do I have to look like everyone else? I like my hair. I don’t get why others don’t?
WOW, good to know that someone from a different race gets it. Thank you
MAN YOU ROCK. i’m mixed and almost all of my friends are white. It really is a struggle to find yourself and know that you’re beautiful when everyone around you is a different KIND of beautiful. I have curly hair and last year I cut it all off so now i have a little fro. Thank you so much for telling the truth.
Hello. I came across your blog and this blog post while doing a search for pictures for my tumblr blog. I really liked what you had to say and I posted a link to your blog so that other people can see it too. I made my post late Sunday night and as of today, 146 people liked what you had to say. Some of them want to keep you for themselves, but I see in your blog that you have a GF now, so they will be disappointed. LOL! Thanks for your honesty. ^_^
aw i love this.
Thank you so much. You are very insightful. I’m an African American women who went natural for 5 years and then back to relaxers, for a man of course. I’e often felt that I could never be truly beautiful because I’m black,especially because of my hair and my nappy-hair phobia having family. God bless you for understanding and letting other people know our plight.
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I am a black woman and I already know how beautiful and versatile black womens hair is and I want to thank u for noticing and enlightening the rest of the world.
Love it! I definitely never think Asian guys are interested in me so this is refreshing to hear:).