Beyond the normal blogger – who writes shitty haikus about their dogs or rants about how their ex-boyfriend doesn’t listen anymore – exists a mutation that I am proud to say I am a part of: relationship blogging. It’s a funny thing, writing about your personal life, it honestly takes steel balls to empty out your heart in text and nail it onto the chalkboard for all of the internet to see.
However, one of the common misconceptions about relationship blogging is that we publish all the details of our personal life. All of them. From one night stands to back alley tugjobs, people believe that we say it all. But among us mutant bloggers is a secret: some of our BEST relationship blogs are left unpublished. Despite my lack of posts on this blog (which might seem to suggest I have no love life) I now present to you the secret saga that I’ve hidden from you for almost a year: the story of Leah.
Every school year I always start with a huge boost of confidence in the dating world. “PUAHAHA! Fathers and Mothers! Shield your daughters from me! Hide them in the basement! For it is I, Falconius Maxiumus, and I am here to deflower ALL of your intelligent, smart, and beautiful daughters!”
On a rainy day in October I decided to stroll into the Library for some warmth and internet. Suddenly, I did something that I realized I should have done a long long time ago: I took a good look at the librarian. There’s this girl who had been working there for the past year and I always saw her scanning books but I never took the time to really look at her.
“Holy shit…she’s pretty. No I mean seriously she’s REALLY pretty!” I don’t know man, I have no idea how I went a whole year at De Anza checking out various books and DVDs without even looking at this girl out. At that instant I knew I had my next mission: hook up with the librarian! Woo! All of my childhood fantasies will now come true! This is going to be SO kinky, OMG!
But aha! I had a dilemma: this girl was working all the time, so how could I hit on her without hitting on her? It’s not like I was gonna walk up, rest my elbow on the counter, show off some chest hair and be like “Soo…. you come here often?” I had to create a master plan in order to gain her trust and then obtain the sacred phone number. So I took the smart road and I waited, visiting her every now and then to slowly build up a rapport.
Me: Would you happen to know where I can find a copy of 1984?
Her: Oh, second floor at the very end it’s on the right.
Me: Hey, I always come here and you always check out my books yet I have no Idea what your name is.
Her: Haha, it’s Leah.
Me: *Shakes hand* Nice to meet you Leah, I’m Ranier.
Me: Blah…I am soo hungry!
Her: Me too! I can’t wait to get off!
Me: Oh, what time do you get off?
Me: Oh wow, and what time do you start?
Me: Hmmm…(commits to memory)
As our small chit chat grew into more substantial conversations about art and school, I noticed our interests were intersecting. She’s into art, and so am I. Her fashion sense is simple and sophisticated, and so is mine. Eventually it came to the point where the small talk was no longer enough – I wanted more one on one time with her so I knew had to speak to her outside of work…
So one morning I decided to ditch my 10:30 class and I lingered outside of the library waiting for her to leave. As she descended down the stairs I briskly walked in the direction she was headed towards, that way we could “bump” into each other – which we did. And man oh man was I happy.
Me: Oh wow! Hey!
Her: haha hello here!
Me: Jeez, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you outside of the library before!
Her: haha well here I am
We started to discuss in further detail our interest in art and fashion. She showed me some of her work and I just stood in awe of her talent. I mean as much as I could have faked my interest in her work, her stuff was actually really really good. Leagues beyond what I’ve done. So there, in a moment of clarity, I seized the opportunity to set up a date.
Me: Hey, I have to head to class but umm…we should definitely talk more. I’d love to see more of your work!
Her: Oh yes, that would be great!
Me: Do you have an email or a phone number that I can contact you at?
And that was that. I got the number – all I needed was to get the girl. I laid low for a few days in order to not seem too desperate then decided to shoot her a polite yet professional email. She eventually replied but our plans never went through. By then the quarter had ended and with my new schedule I was starting school at 12pm and Leah was well on her way home. The only chance I had left was to contact her through her cellphone or email.
I emailed a few times after that but she always took so long to respond. “Lunch?” “Oh sorry, I’m busy!” “How about dinner?” “I actually have finals to study for!” At that point I was finished. It was obvious she wasn’t interested in me so I decided to drop the entire thing and leave the relationship hanging, unfinished, and untouched.
Months went by and I didn’t hear from her. Even though the mission to “hook up with the librarian” was aborted, I was still curious as to where she went. Did she transfer to a new college already? Was she hiding from me? Did she die or something? Jesus christ! From the November of 2009 all the way into June 2010 I didn’t hear a peep from Leah. Then came a surprising email…
Listening to Frank Sinatra now. Remind me of you. What have you been up to?
Oh. My. EFFING. GAWD! The instant I read that I began flapping my arms around like an excited 12 year old white girl watching her first Justin Bieber concert. This was EPIC! This was…LEGENDARY! This monumental email would be forever written about in text books, etched into marble slabs and placed upon the moon! As you can see, I was very very happy. A once dead relationship now had the opportunity to rise from the ashes and formulate into a real, fully functional relationship! HELLZ YEA!
Eventually I found out she had a Facebook and we rekindled, sharing stories about food and setting up a dinner date. That date happened 12 hours ago – here’s how it went:
So I roll up in front of her house and I get out of the car to get some fresh air. A door unlocks and I slowly turn my head to see what has to be the best dressed, most elegant, drop dead beautiful girl I have ever taken out on a date…EVER. As a street fashion blogger I have literally 10 seconds to decide whether or not I like an outfit, and whether or not I should photograph it. Generally it takes me about 10-20 seconds on the street but the instant I saw Leah in that PERFECT dress, it must have taken me about 1/4 of a second to be impressed.
There’s something so amazing about her style. It’s incredibly simple yet executed with laser like precision. The dress was relatively conservative on top while the bottom was short enough to expose an immaculately toned pair of legs. Her heels were black and sexy and her hair was exactly the way I like it: short, sophisticated, and jaw droppingly sexy. I was sold.
As the night progressed I knew I wanted to have a good time but I also had some information I needed to seek out: does she have a boyfriend? She mentioned before something about a “bf” but I tried to brush it off and I chose to believe that she was speaking of a “best friend” rather than a boyfriend. But I mean hey! I was ambitious!
Not wanting to jump into dinner and ask straight up “Aye yo, you gotta man?!” I decided to let the conversation flow naturally. We talked about our future goals, motorcycles, and she even confessed to being an avid reader of ALL my blogs. I was quite flattered and also a bit worried that she might have known “too much” – but then again, I’m a relationship blogger so there are no secrets (kinda).
Eventually the atmosphere of the conversations rose and I had to take out the big guns and ask the golden question. The question that would soon determine whether or not I would be going out on more dates with Leah. The question of: do you have a boyfriend?
Me: So it seems like you’re enjoying your life overall. What about your personal life? Any boyfriends or anything like that?
Her: Well yes, I have a boyfriend and–
Time stopped. My ear plugged up for a split second and I wasn’t with Leah having dinner, but rather floating in a dark and empty room towards a big red button that said “ABORT MISSION!” As I came closer and closer, my hand extended and I was ready to push the button; I was ready to place Leah in the “girls who have boyfriends” category. This is a folder that once a girl goes into, she rarely comes out. And just as I the tips of my fingers caressed the button, I thought about a conversation I had the other day with my mom:
Me: How was your date mom?
Mom: Oh it was good! We just went fishing! It was so nice Ranier. It’s nice to be able to go out with someone and not feel pressured. We’re just friends and he respects my relationship status and I respect his. Once we finish hanging out we go home and that’s it. We’re still friends….It’s nice to have that.
For a moment I just sat at the table looking at Leah and I saw something…my mom. How did I not see this before? Leah’s style is a lot like my mom’s, they both have a somewhat similar smile, they both have short hair, they’re both beautiful women, and their names both start with an L. A surge of emotions ran through me and I remembered all the times my mom said she had her heart broken. From the experiences that she’s been through she has reason enough to quit believing in the entire male population – and I wouldn’t blame her.
So I had two choices: I could either write Leah off and never speak to her again or I could be a real man and stick with her – not because I want a relationship out of it – if she just so happens to break up with her current boyfriend – but because that’s what I should do. I should stay and be her friend. I should be the glimmer of hope that lets her know that “It’s okay…I don’t want anything more from you. I just want to listen to you and be someone you can hang out with. You can still love your boyfriend and I’ll still be me.” I fell down from the black room and our conversation commenced.
She told me her boyfriend of 3 and 1/2 years was her soulmate and that they had a strong connection. Usually I don’t buy into the soulmate bullshit but I could tell she was sincere. And although I could tell myself “NO! I AM A BETTER BOYFRIEND! You will never find a man like MEE!” Who am I to tell her that? Who the HELL am I to deprive her of a happiness so rarely found? That night I was completely relaxed. Good food came in my mouth and amazing conversation came into my ears. My brain and my stomach both ended the night on a very good yet satisfying note.
After I dropped her off I started to search within myself to see if I could feel any emotions. Nothing. I wasn’t sad nor did I have butterflies in my stomach. There were no thoughts of “Damn, another one got away!” nor “One day you’ll be with me!” In fact…I felt pretty damn normal. I honestly had no feelings at all. It was just regular ole’ Ranier driving home. Nothing out of the ordinary.
When I got home I opened the door to see my mom standing in the kitchen. She had just got back from a date and was wearing a beautiful blue dress. She was talking about something but for a moment I blocked out what she said, walked over and gave her a kiss on the forehead. Then I thought about Leah…
Leah is not your ordinary girl. She’s the type that only comes around once every hundred years. Her taste is modern but her soul is timeless. Her style is classy but her intellect is limitless. She has manners, charisma, talent, and mystery. And she’s so…damn…beautiful. I found myself just gazing into her face for several seconds, admiring the composition and time it must have taken for nature to think of such an amazing face. I guess the only way I can sum it all up is to let my buddies from Cowboy Bebop do the explaining:
Jet: So what kind of woman is she? What’s Julia like?
Faye: Ordinary. The kind of beautiful, dangerous ordinary that you just can’t leave alone.
Jet: I see.
Faye: Like an angel from the underworld. Or a devil from Paradise