Interracial Dating Q & A #1 – Self-Hating Black girls? Very Insecure Asian Boyfriend?

Let me be straight with you:

I‘ve been neglecting this blog just as much as a fat person neglects the stairs over the escalator. The time I spend actually writing on this damn thing is a shame – a shame I tell you! Nevertheless, I constantly receive Facebook messages from weary fans asking about random Asian-Guy related questions. Questions about what to do, who to love, and where to find it. I’d love to respond to each and every one of em, but how can I when there’s about 5 billion in my inbox?!

In order to address this accumulating pile of dirty laundry in the corner of my web, I’ve decided to create a new section to this blog:
“Q&A with Ranier M.” The concept is simple: If you have any questions or comments about Asian guys, Interracial dating, Dating advice, or even questions about myself, leave a comment on my blog. For a less anonymous and personal approach, check out the Official Facebook Page of “The Love Life of An Asian Guy” and leave a comment on the wall. Every now and then (or as often as I can) I will choose a few that tickle my nipples and I’ll feature it on this blog as a full post. Now that we have that out of the way, let’s start the show.

Question #1: Do you find it weird or pathetic that some black girls are into asian guys? Because someoone told me only self-hating black girls like guys outside their own race. Because we are ashamed. Or insecure.

I don’t agree with that but if you look at it closely, it’s kinda true. But what makes a black girl attracted to a asian?

Answer: What the shit? Is your friend some kind of sub-species of retard? What does dating an Asian guy have to do with insecurities or self-hating? Quite frankly, I find it offensive that your friend thinks this way, let alone yourself. Assuming that only insecure Black Women date Asian Guys suggests that we’re some sort of bottom-feeding sardines only capable of hooking up with the lowest of low class women.

SO CLASSY!

The thing that makes a Black Girl (or any girl) attracted to an Asian Guy will vary from person to person. One girl will dig her boyfriend’s slanted eyes while another is drawn by his ability to speak with a powerful voice. There is no clear-cut answer nor will there ever be one. People are attracted for different reasons be it physical, mental, emotional, or financial.

Furthermore, if you find your friend’s loopy philosophy to be “kinda true” doesn’t that make you “kinda” self-hating and ashamed and “kinda” insecure yourself? The bottom line is this: anyone can date anyone and it doesn’t matter if you’re dating a Persian guy, a Malaysian girl, or an uber cool Asian guy with spikey hair that you have a really big crush on yet you’re too afraid to talk to because you think he’s out of your league – the ethnicity of the person you’re dating doesn’t reflect your own qualities. However! If you’re dating one of those faux ghetto guys who walk with a fake limp then yes, you should be very, very ashamed of yourself.

Question #2:

I’m currently with a Taiwanese boy (and yes I’m a Caucasian female) everything is going great and all but there’s one problem that’s bugging me.

My Asian love (Allen) always thinks he’s inadiqate for some reason, not tall enough, not hot enough blah blah blah…I think he compares himself to other people a lot, also because he knows I’ve never dated an Asian guy before.

I’ve been trying to build up his confidence and I’m sure it’s working but I know he’s very good at hiding his feelings. He also tries to adapt to things too quickly and tries to be something he’s not, not sure if he’s trying to impress me or prove something to me? Not really sure how to make him feel like everything’s okay.

Answer: The problem isn’t that he’s an insecure Asian guy; the problem is that he’s just an insecure guy – period. Both of you need to forget the fact that he’s Asian, and you’re Caucasian. Let’s face it: you guys know you’re dating interracially, and it seems like one (or both) of you remind yourselves about it every damn day. You might think of something like “how can I help my insecure Asian boyfriend?” when instead, you should be thinking “how can I help my insecure boyfriend?”

The best way to deal with this is to act like your normal self. Act as if your race doesn’t matter. Just be a regular, sweet, loving, caring couple. Go on a ton of dates, make-out a lot, and watch T.V together. When you go out of your way to make him feel “special”, you may be isolating him and giving him the impression that he’s “different from other guys”, which means he requires a different set of attention. Don’t do that.

On the subject of male insecurities, the best way to make your man feel wanted and at-ease is to genuinely want him. Latch onto his arm when the two of you walk into a restaurant, text him randomly to let him know you love his kisses, and reassure Allen that although you’ve dated other guys, they can never compare to the man that he is. Also, find out his love language: what does he react well to? Does he tear up when you write him a letter? Do the veins in his wrist pump faster when you kiss? Or maybe he responds well to materialistic things such as gifts and presents? Find out what love “language” he speaks and use it to communicate your feelings.

Now if you’ll excuse me, it’s 4:27 AM and I’m watching Olivia sleep on the couch. She looks super adorable right now and I wanna cuddle <33

- Ranier M.