Interracial Dating Rant #4 – AMBW Movement = Bullshittery?

As a man, I have very little reason to actually start crying. Unless I’ve been shot in the testicle via slingshot, or a truck full of puppies and kittens derails off the road and into a pit of scorching lava, my tears will be stay safe and sound in the pocket of my eye. However, when I go on Youtube to check out the widespread support for AMBW relationships, I gotta admit, I get a little misty eyed. Well, not really, but it is very exciting!

"I LOVE AMBW videos!"

Despite the rise in openness of Asian Men and Black Women and their vocalization of their interest in one another, I find one thing very puzzling: The AMBW “Movement.” What the hell is that about? What are we gonna do, assemble the Black Women and Asian Men in an orderly fashion, blow a horn and say “Ready? Set? Makeout!“?

I know, I get it, some of you are totally new to the concept of AMBW relationships, let alone interracial dating – that’s fine! Believe me, many years back I went through that phase of “Black Women interested in Asian guys? Am I dreaming?! Quick, somebody karate chop me!”

"I said pinch, you retard!"

So for many of you AMBW N00BS who just found out that Yellow and Black mix, you’re just in extacy over this new idea. So welcome, Freshman class of Ranier’s School of AMBW learning, please, have a fortune cookie (which is also made out of cornbread since, ya know, we like mixing things up a bit.)

As an Asian guy drenched in the silk wrappings of an already amazing AMBW relationship, I will tell you this: Livi and I don’t even fully realize each other’s ethnicity, let alone acknowledge it. Our ethnic background isn’t why we’re together. We are together because we respect and love who we are as INDIVIDUALS. Once in awhile we notice (I often crave meat and rice, and she loves to watch Basketball Wives) but it never becomes an issue, let alone a topic of discussion.

Livi: Babe, Basketball Wives is on! Wanna watch?! Me: Uhhh... sure!

So stop worrying about race so much. Stop trying to make this movement an actual “movement” and just go out and date whoever the fuck you want. I see so many of you underclassman trying to decipher each other as if Asians and Blacks are foreign species that need to be looked at under a giant microscope. Fun fact: this is dating, not honors microbiology.

Yes, from a cultural point of view, there are overlapping qualities that exist within the Asian and Black culture. Even though it’s beneficial to study up on things like “What qualities do Asians typically dislike in women?” or “Are Black families more conservative or liberal?” I think that if you really wish to snag some black and yellow lovin’, worry about that SPECIFIC person before you concern yourself with their race. In my experience, I’ve encountered girls who  study up so much that when they try to speak to me, they end up sounding like a big ole’ racist.

If a rise in AMBW relationships is what you wish for, then do so by getting into one yourself. Don’t go off like a jackass trying to preach AMBW as if it were a religious group. Be your regular old yellow and black selves and you’ll do just fine. So to my newly introduced freshman class of the Ranier’s School of AMBW Learning, I say “Ni Hao, son!

19 thoughts on “Interracial Dating Rant #4 – AMBW Movement = Bullshittery?

  1. I’m not gonna lie, I have been calling AMBW an underground movement since I first discovered it on YouTube as a wide -eyed 17 year old. My rection: ‘O.o so I’m NOT crazy’. LOL I thought I was the I only (black) gal out there with yellow fever. It was reassuring to find thousands, maybe even a million+, that are down for the ‘movement’ ;). Now-a-days I’m more xf/am, yellow fever for all!

  2. say WORD, Ranier! i also love ambw vids. just the idea of ppl thinking outside of the box is interesting for me, and i love to hear other ppl’s opinions, particularly the praise for black women, lol. but i also find with some of these vids that ppl are not really thinking out of the box; they’re still locked into these stereotypes. all asian ppl are not alike. all black ppl are not alike. this sounds like a no-brainer, but when ppl describe what they love about black women, i often find myself thinking, “well, sir, idk who the hell those women are, but they most def aren’t my friends or i.” i agree that it can be beneficial to do a little research, but the best research in this situation is done by meeting people. just like “asian” is a blanket term which encompasses many groups and types of ppl, so does the term “black.” once you figure out what type of person you need and desire for yourself and what you find attractive ( a process which comes from learning about who YOU are), your options become more open. i’ve dated interracially in the past, and found that my partner was looking for certain things that he perceived as “what black girls were like.” when i turned out to be nothing like that, he was disappointed. all you can be is yourself. if i’m not with someone that is as comfortable with me speaking properly as he is with my slang, just as at ease with me listening to rza as he is when i’m rocking some stone temple pilots, then he ain’t the one no matter what race he is.

  3. Beautiful, baby! :Yes, in the end, you are in a relationship with a person and those superficial things move into the background. You have to be compatible with the essence, yes, the soul, of the other person.

  4. Reading this, all I could think of was my mother treating AMBW like rocket science x_x Bah.

    I totally agree, though. It took me a while to have the ‘this awesome dude is a person before he’s Asian’ thought process completely set in. Now that it has, I feel so much freer to just go for it without trying to pioneer the whole ‘movement’ thing. It’s true that relationships are at the end of the day about the individuals involved and not race dynamics.

  5. “Ni Hao, son!“

    Ranier, ohmyfarkingGawd, are you hilarious! I’ll self-identify as a black woman right now, ’cause this is ‘teh itnernets’ and just say the following: A lot (okay, so all) of these “blasian” jokes are spot-on :) I’ve been reading for a while, and I really want to thank you (and Olivia) for opening up about what you care about. For you guys, it seems like things are natural, very chill, which is excellent (I read that A Very “Blasian” Valentines Day post a while back and wanted to bonk that hood-rat who wasted your time, right on her head–and was so relieved when I clicked ahead to newer posts and saw that someone new and wonderful had come into your life). And you two make such a cute couple, congratulations!

    Regarding this post–I think lots of people in life have these formative experiences where they encounter something new (really, new to them), and then realize there’s a whole other world out there–they get scared, they second guess themselves when they don’t see a lot of other people doing it and wonder if it’s too weird, or if they’re completely alone… and then they find blogs like yours and get that wonderful reminder that this is just a part of life, and, thanks to your blog also–I don’t think I’ll be sitting around anymore, worried. Last year, a few girlfriends discouraged me from reaching out to an Asian guy I had fallen in love with, because they’d overheard a few horror stories about how resistant and unaccepting -some (definitely not all)- families can be regarding race, and they didn’t want me to even bother because I might get hurt. I was already upset because things weren’t working out for other reasons and then they reluctantly brought up the topic of race. But now, thanks to your blog, I’m relieved. I have more reassurance that my initial instincts were correct–to just go pursue whomever feels right, take it one situation at a time (as I would normally), and enjoy falling in love. I can’t believe I ever really considered giving up!

    On that note, since you mentioned your “Black women interested in Asian guys phase”–I wonder if you (and even Olivia!) would ever mind sharing your first formative ambw experience on this blog? Maybe it might sound weird–as you’ve said, people do what comes naturally to them and falling for someone of another race isn’t too “special” in that falling in love is completely normal for everyone. But, for me, I feel like I’m just at the beginning of something so new. I’m definitely in my own phase, and it’d be great to hear from two wonderful people how their minds first got blown all over their faces (even if just living out being human isn’t really a ‘first’). What do you think?

    Keep up the good writing! By the way, if we’re going to do cornbread fortune cookies, be warned that I might sneak a little orange soda into my bubble tea…

  6. Nice post. My spouse been together for 3 and married for 2. sometimes I forget his am…and all I see is man- esp when we butt heads…lol. I personally stopped looking at youtube ambw clips. Because it seem so blah n yet it’s nice to see “other.” I just wish that there were more married ambw couples. It would be nice to hear or read even meet a married couples.

  7. Rainer!!! Nice post!!! You just don’t know how happy I am that you and Olivia found each other,and love each other as HUMAN BEINGS, not AMBW or whatever. Actually, I spent 4 months in Japan last semester. I’m a black female, and needless to say, being in Japan opened my eyes..only here in America is this AMBW Movement thing actually known about. Idk about other Asian ethnicities, but Japanese guys could care less about Black women, or non-Japanese women in general. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not hating on Black women who are in happy relationships with Asian men. One of my friends is, actually, and I’m overjoyed for her. When I came back to America, I dropped the whole “AMBW RULES” attitude and decided to just live my life, because unfortunately, what I’m seeing is a bunch of my sistas going on Youtube, posting on Yahoo, and attacking anything remotely AMBW (even if it’s AMWF,) looking for validation. It breaks my heart, because I used to be that way. I figure, if it’s meant to be, then that special Asian guy will come. But in the meantime, I’m not suggesting obsessing over it like fangirls. Fangirls. Are. CREEPY. I just feel so sad that these women haven’t had the chance to really KNOW what Asian guys think about this whole thing. But thanks to you, Rainer, NOW THEY DO! As for me? If an Asian guy comes along, then fine. If he’s Black, White, green, red, purple, I do NOT care. He has to be a good guy with common sense, a sweet heart, open-minded. :)

  8. Lolz Can’t Say I Never Saw It Coming. I Grew Up Around Loads Of Asians XD! Well I’m Glad To Be A Black N Yellow :D! I’ve Never Met A Guy More Perfect N It Kinda Sucks I Broke It Off With Him But As I’m Learning From Your Posts How Our Cultures Are Truly Diff In Some Aspects That I Never Really Noticed Before. But He’s Still There For Me And Told Me I Just Need To Get Mi Head Straight Before I Do Anything Rash…Again >___< Darn That Man! Sending Me On Wild Tangets! ( He Taught Me That) Reguardless Zhe Point Is Love Is Love. When Ure In It Nothing Else Matter. Noone Els Matters Cuz It's Ure Heart That Loves Not Anyone Else :) <3 Tickle Fight Time! :3

  9. “If a rise in AMBW relationships is what you wish for, then do so by getting into one yourself.” – Easier said than done. But for me, I’m almost 19 but I have time to meet more people and I feel there’s no rush right now.

  10. I’m mixed with a lot of cultures and have never been in a asian black relationship. But I am proud of thoughs of u who are in one and in confert other to do. U have just my made the biggest impact on my life wich has not been long I’m only 18 but live life like it my last

  11. Sigh. I’ve never heard of AMBW being a ‘movement’. Kinda annoyed by the connotations. Just get out there and date!!
    I’m married to an Asian(Chinese Man). I’ve known this man since high school 15 years ago!! I was always drawn to his character. The fact that he’s goregous helped as well. Long story short I love him to death! He’s my everything! Wouldn’t change a thing about him or our courtship(his parents didn’t agree but they love me now).
    Look! It sounds like what you got going on is DAMN GOOD! Don’t let nobody, especially a freaking stranger dictate who you should be with! Let them stare! We get stares from black men and old Asian folks. I stare back and say in my most polite voice, ‘hello’. And keep it moving!! Do your thang boo!!!

  12. Well said, bro! As a black female interested in Asian men. . . .I’ve done some homework on the AMBW Movement and although sometimes it does sound like some psycho, religous movement, it has some good parts to it too. On some other sites I’ve read the comments of both Asian men and black women and it sounds like a lot of them just needed that “extra push” so to speak. Because this is what man of them had to say, and I’ll admit that I was the same way.

    Asian man: “I didn’t think black women were attracted to me, so I never pursued them.”

    Black woman: “I didn’t think Asian men were attracted to me, so I never pursued them.”

    So it sounds to me like each side was afraid of being rejected by the opposite side, based on their background. And you have to admit, that’s pretty understandable, at least it is to me.

    In the media, I think black women and Asian men are always getting the short end of the deal. BW are made out to look like finger-waving, neck-rolling, loud-mouthed, sassy, intimitading monsters. And that’s only when we aren’t being potrayed as being dirty, sex-vixens who are only good for sleeping with and nothing else.

    As for AM, the media makes it seem like if they aren’t some sort of martial arts master (chopping cinder blocks in half) or the token “shy and wayward nerd”, they pretty much don’t exist and have nothing to offer, especially in the romance department. (Both extremes piss me off).

    So both sides are being told that they aren’t desirable enough to be wanted and loved by members outside of their own race, let alone their own race. It seems to me like part of the goal of the AMBW Movement is to squash these stereotypes and show that yes, we can be and ARE interested in each other and we have more in common than we think.

    So yeah, I agree with you in that we should just bite the bullet and date whoever the hell we want and not worry about race or what other people think, but at the same time, it’s quite possible that this little “movement” has helped 2 possible soulmates cross paths when previously they thought they never could ^_^

  13. I just did a post on my opinion of this movement and I have to say that I find it very shady and degrading. I think that those of you in it who claim to be sincere need to set standards for behavior of your members because bullshittery is exactly as I would describe this. I think you are embarrassing yourselves.

  14. Just wondering why is there not an AMBW hang out spot in Detroit MI. I look at lot of the AMBW videos on youtube find them really cute and refreshing.

  15. Well, last night I signed up for an AMBW site for the very first time… and now I understand exactly why “bullshittery” is the perfect word to describe it.

    I’ve always dated Asian guys, and I married (and later divorced) an Asian guy. I’ve encountered Asian guys who were clueless that black women were an option. I’ve encountered deeply white-worshipping Asian guys. But never did I run into an Asian man spouting vile and hateful vitriolic ignorance about black women- until I entered the chatroom on this AMBW site. Mother of god. The other Asian guys just shrugged, or laughed along. Unbelievable.

    Now a lot of things are starting to make sense to me about why some black women label AMBW as chock full of girls with self-hate or at least criminally low self-esteem. What kind of person hangs around and listens when they are being slandered in such an ignorant manner? And what’s worse, the membership is bursting at the seams with black women, with very few Asian guys. So the membership is MOSTLY black women who sit there and tolerate this racist treatment!!! Now I understand why some black women believe and proclaim that Asian men HATE black women.

    -IF- the admins of these sites wanted to actually foster safe and respectful interaction between black women and Asian men, they would ban the men who act like that. The fact that they don’t ban those members means that they actually want to maintain an atmosphere that assaults the humanity and dignity of black women.

    I am also suspicious of the men who sit there and say nothing when these ignorant men spout this hate towards women they claim to respect. A guy who feels at home in a space where that is taking place is not who I want. I’m cancelling my membership today and will never join another AMBW group.

    For women who live in places with low Asian population, maybe they feel these sites are their only chance to meet Asian guys. I live in a city with tons of Asian guys, most of my friends are Asian women, and I meet and date Asian guys all the time. I don’t need to subject myself to that in order to meet a guy. But even if I lived in Tumbleweed Alaska I’d have too much self-regard to sit and listen to that. My advice to those women is to move to another city, or just stick to Match dot com to seek out guys.

    My advice to the Asian men who want to meet a normal, sane, emotionally stable black woman- try standing up to those asshole guys. Don’t you want to prove yourself to be capable and worthy of protecting a woman? If YOU want to have a safe space to meet women who are open to dating you, then it’s YOUR JOB as a man to keep the knuckleheads under control or at least shame them when they open their mouths to spread hate. Women can’t police men. Only men can fix this situation.

    tldr: Asian guys need to step up and control the disrespectful Asian guys on AMBW sites.

  16. Im going on a date with this asian viet. He got swagg out this world. And he told me to pick the occasion and he got the rest… WHere is the perfect first date??? bowling, dinner, laser tag or what? lol I’m 22 and he’s like 30

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