Ahhh, remember the good ole’ days of High School? A time for friendships, getting into trouble and… racial and romantic insecurities?
When I was 15 I was in a long-distance relationship with a half-Japanese half-Filipino girl who I thought I was in love with. Little did I know that while she was in 50 miles away playing on the basketball team, and I was at home cheering her on, she had been seeing another guy behind my back. And not just any guy, he was a douchey white guy.
I was confused. I didn’t even know she was into those kinds of guys. Soon after, I started to notice every other girl in my circle of friends boarding the train to “we love white boys” express. Next thing I knew, Asian girls were saying shit like “sorry, I only date White guys” or “ewww, that is soo Asian.” What the hell?! What is going on?! I have so many questions and I need answers, damnit!
TO THE YOUTUBE!
Uhhhh…. okay? NEXT VIDEO!
Ahh shit! They’re everywhere! Quick, Asian guys, hide at your local Gamestop! When these videos came out six years ago coupled with the white boy virus plaguing every Asian girl in the school, it dawned on me: us Asian guys are fucked. If Asian girls won’t date us, what the hell are we gonna do? We sure as hell don’t stand a chance dating white girls, and we can FORGET about even LOOKING at black girls! BUDDHA, WHYY?!?!!?
But as I look back six years ago and contrast it to now, it’s quite remarkable. Sure, tons of Asian women still date white guys as if there’s a shortage of them, but Asian guys have definitely made some changes and cultivated their dating habits. Nowadays, I see Asian male + non-Asian female couples all over the damn place: in the mall shopping for baby clothes, at the restaurant drinking martinis and on Youtube being TOTES ADORABLE vlogs.
If Asian men were purchasable on the stock market I’d say “BUY! BUY! BUY!” because damn, we are tearin’ it up on the dating game. It’s almost like we sat down one day, scratched our head and realized, “oh snap, I’M AWESOME!” So why the change? What the hell happened within he span of six years? Did we sprout a 3rd testicle that feeds us a constant stream of confidence? Or was it something else?
You see, Asian-American men and Asian-American women are not created equal in this country. Though we share many of the same stereotypes and racial jokes, the expectations that we do not have in common are ultimately the ones that have created this change. In the US, Asian-Americans have roughly three options when it comes to fitting in:
1. ) We can act “White” - shop at Abercrombie and Fitch/Urban Outfitters, listen to Kings of Leon/Dubstep and attend Coachella while wearing daisy chains in our hair.
2.) We can act “Black” – shop at Supreme and wear fitted caps, listen to underground hip-hop and join a group of choreographed hip-hop dancers.
3.) We can act “Asian” – shop at Yesstyle.com and wear K-POP inspired outfits, listen to Utada Hikaru and join chatrooms and forums where you talk to other Asians about anime while learning how to make various emoticons (◕‿◕✿)
Now, given that there are an endless supply of Asian Men and Women who fit in category three and act Asian, we can start to break down the two groups and understand things a bit more. More often than not and despite the occasional Asian B-Girl, Asian-American women tend to act white. This is easy for them because for some reason, White girls love hanging out with Asian girls and Allah already knows that White guys would sell their baby on the black market to get a chance to be with an Asian chick. For Asian girls, white is right! White is home and ya know what? That’s alright with me! How are things lookin’ for my Asian brothers?
Asian men on the other hand tend to go the opposite way and they identify with a lot of Black culture. Most break dancers are Asian guys, Asian guys love underground hip-hop, if they sing they love to sing R&B classics and most of all, they consistently feel at odds with white culture. “But Ranier, what the hell does that mean? Not all Black people like hip-hop! YOU RACIST CHINK!”
Okay, hear me out for a second: you see, like a lot of Blacks men, Asian men just don’t feel included in white culture. We aren’t represented in their politics, their television shows or their music, so how can we relate? There are countless Asian men who have lived in predominantly white neighborhoods and have been bullied and teased all their lives for being Asian. So, naturally, as an ethnic minority they look for the closest ethnic minority that they can look up to as a role model. This is why Black men play an important role. Black Men have provided Asian men with a template for how to fit in with the rest of society. If we can learn to dance like them, sing like them and dress like them, we too can fit in. Like Pinocchio trying desperately to be a real boy, we wanted to become a real man.
And so we did. We realized that things needed to change so we learned to dress better, dance slicker and talk smoother.
Looking at it like this makes it seem all the more beautiful. To know that through the oppression of White culture on Asian Men, we have evolved into a hybrid of cultures and identities. Instead of laughing along with all the racist Asian jokes and acting like it was okay, we decided to open our mouths and say “enough.” We rejected the expectations of the nerdy, shy, socially awkward and dickless Asian boy and grew into something so fucking beautiful it makes me wanna cry tears of pure soy sauce.
Now that we’ve grown into something better, we’ve finally realized that we also deserve better. We don’t need to sit around waiting for Asian women to come around and “give us a chance,” we can simply turn to the right and talk to someone else: someone Black, someone Cuban or someone Greek. For once, we finally feel like we have options in our romantic lives and even better, women like you, my loyal readers, are talking back and saying that you want us too – and that helps even more.
Why Does This Matter To You?
Now is the time for Asian Men to rise up and succeed. We are starting to see more and more Asian males join professional sports, the music and entertainment industry and more importantly, Asian men who feel a renewed sense of confidence to be all of the above. You say I’m a nerd? Well guess what? I’m a nerd with a college degree, a high paying job and a smokin’ hot girlfriend! Within the ensuing years we will all witness a huge shift in Asian men broadening their horizons, reaching for different careers, attaining massive wealth and making a name for themselves in the world. And as women who enjoy dating them, you can help us to redefine an entire community of men looking for something greater in this world. We’re trying to become better men, and we would love to stand atop of the world, side-by-side with a woman like you.
So to all my Asian brothers, rise up, grab your balls, say it loud and say it proud:
“I AM AN ASIAN MAN AND I CAN BE WHOEVER THE FUCK I WANT, AND DATE WHOEVER THE HELL I WANT!!!”
“For once in my life I have someone who needs me
Someone I’ve needed so long
For once, unafraid, I can go where life leads me
And somehow I know I’ll be strong”