What do you want in a relationship?

A couple months ago I was talking to my highly intelligent (and very pretty) lady friend on the subject of love and relationships.

I have a new celebrity crush: Meg Ryan.

I have a new celebrity crush: Meg Ryan.

We’re both single and quite frankly, we prefer it over the more messy, hostile lifestyle that couples seem to endure. But then she took me by surprise and asked me a question that has been kicking my brain into submission for weeks and weeks.

Me: Yea, I enjoy being single… but it would be “nice” to be in a relationship. Ya know?
Her: Can I ask you something?
Me: Shoot.
Her: What do you want?
Me: Huh? In terms of what?
Her: In terms of relationships. Why do you want to be in a relationship? What is it that you want?

Now, I’m not gonna brag or anything but shit, I think that when it comes to relationships and love, I’m quite experienced. I can give relationship advice and sell it as if it were spoken by Jesus himself. If I were a World of Warcraft character my “Relationship Experience” would be like, 30 billion, bro!

This simple (almost elementary level) question paralyzed me. And at that moment I realized…Holy shit… what DO I want? Do I even know what I want? Or do I just arbitrarily want to be in a relationship? And as the minutes of silence creeped over the internet conversation it was clear: I was fucked.

I really didn’t know. I felt stupid. NAY! I felt defeated! I felt like Bill at the end of Kill Bill Vol. 2, when Beatrix Kiddo surprised him with the 5 point palm exploding heart technique. So like always, I took my time, and thought about it. I thought about it constantly, repeating that same question over and over again.

” What do you want? What. Do. You. Want? Whadya want? What DO you want? WHAT THE FUCK DO I WANT?!”

In order to come up with my answer, I tried thinking about other answers people might/do use.

Top 5 Lame answers:
1. I just want somebody to hold.
2. I want to be myself.
3. I want someone to grow old with.
4. I want to be loved!
5. I like turtles.

I give up…Maybe I don’t know for sure. Maybe I don’t want anything at all and I just want a relationship for some arbitrary reason. Maybe I’m just a lonely-fuck who wants someone to fondle. Or maybe I just want someone to play video games with. Aghhhh, who knows? But here’s what I’ve got so far…

For my entire life I’ve always been skilled at many things: drawing, photography, school work, etc. But I’ve never been the best at something. I was never the fastest runner, nor the greatest artist. I was just good. And that bothered me. In order to remedy that loss, I’ve been spending my entire life trying to collect more and more skills: cooking, learning how to dress well, and other things that would make me a better, more well rounded person.

Id be like Don Draper (minus the whole cheating on my wife part)

I'd be like Don Draper (minus the whole "cheating on my wife" part)

But deep down, I knew something. Hell, I’ve always known it: I’m gonna be an amazing husband. All of the knowledge that I’ve acquired over the years happens to be things that would make me a very good husband. I would be the most patient and understanding husband. I would spontaneously cook my wife breakfast in bed, and send daisies to her office – so she can feel special. And she wouldn’t have to be a model because I would already make her feel beautiful. All she needs to do is give me an opportunity.

The truth is, I have no real answer. The above paragraphs are merely words that I thought sounded kinda nice so I decided to add it, in order to add “emotional spice” into the mixture. But the question still remains: What do you want?


I want: to know what I want

3 thoughts on “What do you want in a relationship?

  1. ‘What do you want in relationship?”

    Hmmm… that is a good question.

    For years, I have had to let experiences help me to learn the importance of things. The same thoughts that I had 20, differs from that at my almost 40 years of age.

    In my 20’s, I thought I knew what I wanted in guys,but the older I got the more I began to realize how screwed my thoughts were. I would look at various magazines featuring bachelors/bachelorettes saying for their potential mates to be the same oh-same-oh. On paper, they claim they want this,but there were times I wondered if their requests were the real deal? Did they mean what they said?

    I don’t know about those guys,but time has changed my heart and possibly continues to do so.Let’s face it, we all desire to have the total package,but we can’t as there’s no such thing as perfect people. Now I just hope to have a good man. What intrigues me about men are:

    2)Doesn’t take life for granted
    3)Treats me as his loving mate
    4)Productive( he doesn’t mean that he has to be a college graduate with a 6 figure income)
    5) To be committed( that is id the relationship gets serious)

    I not only would want these features in a guy,but I’m quite sure that he would want me to be a great woman and I would try to be that way for him.For now, I have no desire to be attached to anybody. I’m just enjoying being a free spirit.

  2. Hi! I know I’m late, but this post has perfectly summarized everything I’ve been thinking about for the past few days. I know I’m 16 (shocker right? Ik) and I have my life ahead of me, yada yah, but I’ve spent so much of my time in deep thought, I more than likely hold the world record.

    Great Wife?? Heck, I’ve already maxed my grandmother stage. I’m in the process of knitting a scarf. In July, with 36 degree weather. I have a cookbook that I regularly consult and I’m a pretty good baker. I’m studying Korean, after doing Spanish, French and even Mandarin to some degree. That’s not what most of my peers are doing this summer, believe me.

    I guess what I’m getting at is, the question haunts me. I’ve had my fair share of “suitors” (can that term apply??), but they weren’t in it for the long run. I’m not scared of commitment, but I’m afraid of committing with the wrong person. Most teenage boys are looking for the thrill, I want to be able to sit with my grand kids, and show them a picture of their grandfather sleeping with a Sharpie moustache. Children (we still technically are) are so immature at this age. Do you know how hard it is to have an intellectual conversation with boys my age?? Without the words sex, kissing or partying?? Damn, near impossible.

    I don’t know if I’ve too high a ‘criteria’, or an image of what a boyfriend should be, or if it’s just the season, and since everybody is ‘linking’ (Jamaican term for making out etc) I just get all teenagery and want to spend the summer with someone. I’ve seen all of these relationships, and I know what goes on and how they end (by the end of summer). I’m not about that life. I’m comfortable by myself, if that’s what I’ll be getting myself into. But being alone, I spend so much time honing in on my skills, trying to make myself into “the perfect, most well-rounded being” that I could probably retire after college (ha, jk). And I’ve seen enough television to know that it doesn’t always end up “perfect” (by whose defnition?), but there’s just this hope that someone does exist. The problem is, who is that person? Would you still believe that I’ve no idea what I want? I know it’s something more. A deep connection, a feeling of…..No clue. I guess…..I really don’t know what I want. Back to the thoughts.

    Wow, I ranted. It felt good. Not sure, if you’ll ever read this, but, this is how I feel.

    A quote: “I know what I bring to the table, so believe me when I say I’m not afraid of eating alone.”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s