Have ever you forgot the lyrics to a song, then tried to remember it again? But all you knew was the basic melody, or maybe a few lines that you kept repeating over and over again? Most likely you have. But have you ever forgot how someone’s face looked like?
For the past few days I’ve been trying to remember what Haley looked like. I mean, it’s been awhile since I saw her, so everything is a bit fuzzy. I could recollect how tall she was, her voice, and even what she wore. But as far as her face, her eyes, or her smile, all of it was but a gust of wind blowing through my mind.
Trying to remember someone’s face is quite a difficult task. You find yourself flipping through files and folders, trying to find out where you placed that memory. Names I forget, but faces? No way! I’m a visual thinker so I always remember a face! Always! And of all people, why her?!
At first, I tried replaying the day that I met her. But every time I came to that memory, I replaced her face with someone else. After awhile things started to get ridiculous and I started switching her face with stupid shit: my teacher, Pedobear, and on one occasion, Chewbacca.
After hours of grueling concentration I would stumble across a mental gem. I would remember just a little bit more. Her hair. Her skin color. Her freckles. I tried to hold onto that memory and keep it forever, trying to engrave it into my brain. But every time I got closer, trying to remember her face, I would forget everything, and everything would turn into mist…. as if the memory never existed.
But something strange happened to me this morning. I woke up…and the first thing I saw in my head was her. I remembered her smile. I remembered how it made me feel looking at her smile back at me, and from there, I filled in the lines and remembered how she looked like.
Coincidentally, I saw her at school today. She was walking up the sidewalk and I saw her coming towards me. Her head down, my head up. My heart beating, ready to smile. Here she comes. Alright! DO IT! SMILE! THIS IS YOUR MOMENT! SMILE! SMILE MOTHER FUCKER! SMILE!
She smiled back.
But not really. Something was…missing. Almost as if her smile said “Oh. It’s you again.” I turned back right away and stared back at her. She didn’t turn back to wave hello. Or even goodbye. And just like that, another hopeless dream vanished. One minute she consumes my thoughts, the next, she’s the incubus that sucks the life out of my soul.
To me, it didn’t matter that her smile wasn’t sincere. To me, what mattered most was how worked up I got over a smile. Over some girl, I knew nothing about. So once again, I made something out of nothing. I tried to turn air into gold. But ya know what? At least I have her in my memory, and I won’t let it slip away. But for now, I think I’ll put her in a folder called “to be continued”.