Every now and then I set up an intimate date filled with great food, mind opening books, and no sex. Today, my date was a dark skinned, liberal big mouth – luckily, he paid for my dinner. Yes, that’s right, I took myself out on a date.
Bathed in a sea of dark blues, chocolate browns, and blacks, I pulled together an outfit that would make Pete Campbell proud. I commenced the night by strolling through the halls of Valley Fair mall.
There were Women. Everywhere. Of all shapes, colors, and cup sizes. And there were also Men. Everywhere. Of all shapes, colors, and gut sizes, eye raping these Women. I felt like a teacher’s aid watching a classroom full of immature boys bouncing off the walls as they ogled the sea of single ladies.
The best place to see this is at those kiosks where “hot girls” dress up in revealing outfits as they solicit free hand jobs. Not real hand jobs, but the ones where they rub lotion into your hands, compliment you, and then tell you to buy their shitty product that’s supposed to “cleanse and detoxify your skin!”
Men, beware of these Women! They’re pretty fuckin crafty. They will say anything just to get your attention. Earlier today, I even heard one of the girls say “Sir, please, come back! No! Don’t walk away! I’ve been waiting for you all day!” And the shit that they say to the gullible shmucks who are just there to there to window shop, well…. they work.
But not me. For starters, I’m not into those “hot girls” who have more brains than actual brains. I can’t be persuaded by looks and false romance! I’m not some douchebag! I’m not that desperate and I’m certainly not that…..wait a minute…is that?
IT’S FUCKIN HER!
So as I was walking, I saw this girl at the Rosetta Stone kiosk. The thing is, she’s also an employee at the bank I go to near school. During the summer, I would go there and wait in line with the hopes that she would be my teller. Some times, I would even let other people cut in front of me, just so I could get to her.
First off: she’s Filipino. No, dude, she’s REALLY Filipino. She talks with a muzzled accent and you can just tell by the way that she looks, that she was born in the Philippines. (The thing is, I generally do NOT date Filipino girls from around here. A bunch of them are assholes who think they’re barbie dolls. They want drama and they follow the crowd.)
Second: She’s gorgeous. FUCK she is gorgeous! I just want to take her to the nearest roof top and ask her to marry me under the stars. She doesn’t wear heavy makeup, and she doesn’t dress in skimpy outfits.
Third: She’s also very sweet. When I first met her, she swiped my debit card, looked at my obviously Filipino last name and asked “Oh! You’re Filipino, ha?” She smiled a beautiful smile, and handed me my cash. And every other time I go there, she’s always genuinely kind to me. (Okay, back to my story…)
Okay so I saw her sitting down and I stopped. Is that…her? I walked up to her and made my approach…
Me: Wow, so you’re working both places, huh?
Her: Oh yes, well I work there during the day and I come over here at night.
Me: Wow, what are you trying to buy?! Are you living on your own?
Her: Well I finished my studies…
(Note: Anytime a Filipino girl refers to school as “studies”, you know she’s from the Philippines.)
Her: Well I finished my studies so I just work since I have nothing else to do.
Her: Yes, I did all my studies in the Philippines.
Me: Wait… so how old are you?
Her: I’m 25
(FUCK! FUCK! MOTHER FUCKER! WHYYYY?! WHY CAN’T YOU BE MY AGE?! OR RATHER: WHY CAN’T I BE YOUR AGE?!)
Her: How about you?
Me: (trying to be nonchalant) haha, how old do you think I am?
Her: I keep forgetting! I remembered it before when you came to the bank, and when you swiped your card I saw it on your profile. Maybe next time I should see! haha.
Her: (smile) Hmmm… I’ll say 21
Me: haha sure, I’ll take that.
Her: haha no wait, how old are you?
Me: I’m nineTEEN….
Her: Ooh okay!
Me: (changing the topic) So did you sell anything today?
Me: Haha, pro! What did you sell?!
(more conversation about the products)
Me: Well, I have to head out – I have dinner reservations. But it was nice seeing you again!
Her: Yes! I’m glad that you saw me! (… is that a sign?)
Me: haha, yea🙂
Her: What’s your name again?
Me: Ranier. It was nice seeing you Cheryl!
And just like that, my night was 100x better. I felt like a king. I mean fuck! How random was that? Unfortunately, she probably thinks I’m too young. I’m getting tired of this 19 year old bullshit! Anytime I meet a 20 something year old girl who asks me for my age, I can see a cringe on their face when they hear the word “TEEN.”
But that aside, I won’t give up. I wont necessarily pursue her either. Instead I’ll keep her file in the “to be continued” section. I mean, who knows? Age doesn’t matter and it may or may not matter to her. Either way, she’s a lovely woman with a sweet yet graceful air that punctures my god forsaken soul. If the other 40 billion Filipino girls in this area could be like that, I would finally be happy. Till then… back to going on dates with myself…