When it comes to dating, a lot of us draw inspiration from movies and music. But after years of following in the footsteps of movies like She’s all that and A lot like Love, I’m beginning to understand something very important: these movies hand out bad/outdated advice! But is there anyone brave enough to solve this problem?! Are there any macho Asian cowboys ready to write a blog about the NEW rules of dating?
OH LOOK! OVER THERE!
1. Never say “Hi”
Nowadays, you can’t just waltz up to someone and say “hi, what’s your name?” and expect them to react with excitement. The reason why is because the word hi is a pick up line in and of itself. Saying this one syllable phrase is equivalent to saying “What’s that in your eye? It must just be a twinkle ;)”
Tip: If you want to hit on someone, you can’t let them know you’re hitting on them. Put it this way: If you wanted to scare someone, would you go up to them 5 minutes before and say “Hey, guess what? I’m going to scare you! You better watch out!” Of course you wouldn’t! The same applies to flirting. Don’t let them know what your intentions are (right away).
2. Act like a flaccid penis
No, I’m not saying you should be itchy and irritating when sweaty. What I mean is you shouldn’t go all out, guns blazing on the first date. Be a mystery. People like unwrapping presents so make sure your personality is like a present. When you first meet someone, don’t splurge and tell them you can cook French food,break-dance and give great oral sex! Let them find out on their own!
It’s much sexier when you find out about someone’s hidden talents and abilities later on in the relationship. It keeps things fresh and makes them wonder “what else is under his/her sleeve?” You gotta warm them up first before you let them have the full hard on!
Tip: One of the best ways to surprise someone is through the music you listen to. For me, I find it extremely sexy when I’m listening to music with a girl and she says something like “Hey! I have this CD!” So if you know the other person’s favorite type of music, get interested in it, and surprise them by playing it.
3. Know when to end a conversation
Often times people get the idea that if you talk to someone for hours and hours each day, you “get to know them” and it brings the two of you closer. Sure, that is true – but so is not talking to them. Sometimes it’s better to leave the conversation hanging, that way you end on a good note, and you keep the other person wanting more. Its quite simple, watch:
(This happened to me two weeks ago)
(15 minutes into the conversation…)
Her: So how about you? What kind of girls are YOU into?
Me: Hmmm…well that’s a pretty tough question because I have a lot of answers.
Me: Unfortunately… I have to head out << lie
Her: Aww! Do you have class?
Me: Actually, I have to meet a friend << Another lie
Me: But it was nice talking to you! Hopefully I’ll see you around school again 🙂
Her: Yea! 🙂
Tip: When you create space in a relationship, it makes the whole thing turn into a magnet. Like real magnets, when you pull them apart slightly, you can feel the two sides trying to come back together again. You feel this strong force and once you let go, they snap back – hard. Same thing with relationships. You need to create space in order to let your feelings for each other grow.
4. Date a lot of people, then choose one
If you want the mother-fuckin truth, here it is: waiting for the one is just as stupid as praying for Nickelodeon to come out with a show staring Hitler as the main character – it just won’t happen. However, I do believe that there is someone for everyone. But how can you find them? I mean fuck! There are billions of people on Earth! Will any of us have enough time to date them all?
Of course not. Instead, what you need to do is date a bunch of them. It’s simple math really: the more people you date, the more likely you are to find someone you want to stay with. Just don’t be an asshole about it. When I say “date them” I don’t mean you should go out and give them flowers and tell them you love them. Take them out, and get to know them. That’s it.
Tip: If you’re worried about leading someone on then stop for a moment, and slap yourself. You need to be smart about your actions and you must be aware of how your actions are being perceived. Although you think things are going smooth, you might be leading on your date with your little phrases like “oh my god, you’re so perfect!” or “Why can’t more guys be like you?! ” If you say shit like this, don’t be surprised in the end…
5. Get off your ass and start dating!
Most of you fuckers are just sitting at home, eating from a bag of stale Cheetoes, wondering why you can’t find dates. Instead of going out, you act lazy and expect to find someone waiting by your doorstep. Or maybe you’re just waiting for the next semester when you get new classes, so you can meet new girls/guys – right?
You can’t do that shit son! You have to expand your horizons! If you’re only looking for dates within the classroom, then you aren’t trying hard enough. Go to the mall, go to the library or go to bookstore! Go on Craigslist for christsake!
Tip: Browse through your Myspace/Facebook friends and ask yourself “which one of these cuties do I want to take out on a date?” From there, send them a message, and plan something out! Just because it’s online doesn’t mean it’s not a good source for dating – it may not be the most reputable place, but it works.