Is PORN ruining our sex lives?

If there’s one thing in common amongst all red blooded males it is this: we all watch porn. All. Of. Us. Like drinking water or getting the piss shivers, watching porn is as natural as it gets. Now, we have porn that can be streamed online for free (like Youtube, but with more dicks), anytime, anywhere. But have we gone in too deep? Is porn a deadly anal bead wrapping around our necks and strangling us into submission? We know all about porn, but what do we know about sex?

Is this turning you on? πŸ˜‰ ... no? Oh. Sorry.

Most guys don’t know jack shit about sex. But what we do know, we learned from porn. That funky position where your leg is wrapped around the back of your neck and we come in from the side? Yea, we saw it in a porno. I mean sure, stuff like positions and creativity, we thank porn – but we should also blame it. One of the biggest reason? Confidence.

Prior to sites like Tube8 and HornySpanishFlies.com, the only dicks men saw were their own (and a few of them in the locker room.) The idea of a “monster cock” was foreign if not an urban legend. So men back in the days didn’t have to worry so much about their meat stick, and whether or not it was big enough. There was nothing to really compare it to. But it’s 2010, and that’s not the case anymore.

Umm..yeaaaaa...no comment.

Nowadays, you’re either big, or not big. In Pornland, there is no average penis. In the land of porn, an average dick is anywhere between 9 and 44 inches. So you see why confidence is such an issue? How can men feel confident about their pork swords when the competition is formally known as LEXINGTON STEEL ROD?

Penis size is just one inch of the story, the rest has to do with women. Watch a porno. Go ahead, do it. What do you notice? “Oh baby! OH BABY! IM CUMMING!” Little did you know that the scene I was just describing was a blow job scene. As a matter of fact, it was a blow job scene with three midgets and a dancing cat. What’s wrong with this picture? WOMEN CAN’T HAVE AN ORGASM BY GIVING A BLOWJOB! (the midgets and cats are totally normal).

"OH GOD! OH MY GOD! FILE THOSE TPS REPORTS! FILE EM!"

Once again, porn is to blame. When Timmy gets older and has his first sexual encounter, because of porn, he will get his first blowjob and after exploding he will zip up his pants and say “Did you cum?” According to the various videos online, girls can and WILL CUM if you do any of the following:

1. Ejaculate on their face
2. Have two guys penetrate her in the asshole (without lube).
3. Randomly lick a spot on her vagina for two seconds

Which sorry to say, none of these work… not that I know about the second one ^_^Β  So ladies, if you wonder why the hell your man expects you to cum within one minute of oral sex, you’ll understand why. Foreplay doesn’t last five minutes in a porn video. Sure, the porn star will give the actor one HELL of a blowjob, but he won’t return the favor. No fingers, no nothing. So when most guys see it, they internalize it and think “Well shit… if Dongzilla doesn’t do foreplay, why should I?! All I need to do is thrust REALLY REALLY FAST!”

"You'll be cumming in NO TIME!"

Although I could write 13 more inches of reasons as to how porn affects sex, there really is only one more important thing to say: porn is for men, not for women. I mean sure, you ladies can watch it if you want. What I’m saying is that in porn, the pleasures of the woman are nonexistent. Your pleasure is a result of HIS pleasure. If he cums, YOU cum. And kissing? And foreplay? And holding hands and sweating? It doesn’t exist.

Perhaps us men need to step away from the computer, and away from sites like BigBlackCock4u. If you aren’t brave enough to go cold turkey, at least do this: next time you watch a smut video, watch the whole thing. That’s right. You watch the beginning, while she still has her clothes on, and during the foreplay scene. Don’t skip it. But maybe what we really need to do is to ask ourselves: what do women REALLY want? And the answer? Attention.

Not that much

****************************************

Fact: Guys only want to try anal sex

because they saw it in a video.

6 thoughts on “Is PORN ruining our sex lives?

  1. Your so witty, i love it! I totally agree with the attention. And I think after a guy has sex for the first time or maybe once or twice after, he will get that porn sex isn’t real sex. It’s acting, right? I think the porn industry though is starting to realize that more women are watching now and are gradually starting to make their productions more female-friendly. And women prefer story-based pornos with fantasy and passion, not blowjobs.

    • “It’s acting, right?”

      The funny thing is, porn is like professional wrestling: we know it’s fake, but a lot of us still believe it.

      I’m curious to know what female-friendly porn is like. They probably have better stories than what’s already out:

      Pizza Delivery boy: One cheese pizza with EXXXTRA sausage?
      Horny Housewife who happens to be in her lingerie: Oops! I left my money upstairs. CUM help me get it…..in the BUTT!

      πŸ˜›

  2. OH RANIER… It’s so funny when you talk about the sex subject! First of all… that squid picture is nasty. (I don’t think I can look at my calamari the same way as before ;3; ). But I agree with you, men tend to not give a lot of “attention” to women during intercourse. xD. I also think that when guys can’t make their lover “feel good” they start to lose confidence and the porn doesn’t help their problems. lol..

    (Slightly Unrelated) Side-note: Sorry some of your questions take me awhile to answer. haha. Remember when you asked me about what part if a guy I look at the most? Its their smile/teeth. For me, if a guy does not have pearly whites and straight teeth (or at least the upper jaw) it will bug the crap out of me. I will just want to ask “duuuuuude what the eff happened to your teeth?!”. Not to be mean though.. just out of curiosity xD.

  3. Hey Ranier! I finished reading your blog. Oh you…clever you πŸ˜› lol I think it’s soooo funny how you have different names for the penis like pork sword and I love your sarcasm LOL! I actually do agree with the female friendly movies..Women love genuinity and passion ..That’s what those movies show from what I’ve heard =] ttyl byee! mwah!

  4. Monsieur Falco,

    ‘Tis I, Skye Blue, you newest fan. (BTW – do you tweet or are you on FB, dude? If so, I’d love to follow you – so please shoot me an email with your info – please and thank you).

    Okay, I so loved this post – mainly because you listed 3 porn sites and 1 porn star I’d never heard of (yes, yes I love smut). πŸ˜‰

    Re the lack of attention to women , that is a result of too much porn consumption thing – once again, I can happily say I have not run into that. Not because I don’t meet guys who don’t know what they’re doing – because I’m sure I do; but because I don’t do the horizontal mambo with anyone without having a discussion about expectations – mine and theirs.

    This ol’ girl has no time to waste messin’ with guys who aren’t going to give me what I need in the bedroom and I don’t want to ever develop a rep for being anything less than stellar between the sheets. So, I am big on communication.

    IMO both the lack of attention thing and the porn induced male fantasies would be handled (i.e. shelved) with a very brief debriefing prior to doing the diddle. Trouble is, so few people are comfortable talking about sex and what they want in the bedroom that their ‘communions’ with others are often less than satisfying (breaks my heart really).

    Okay, I’m going to stop rambling, because I could go on forever as the subject of communication is near and dear to my heart. But before I go, I’d like to share two links with you – giving female takes on the subject of this post.

    1) By a young 20-something woman I know who is hella tired of being asked to do porn tricks in bed…http://metanotherfrog.com/main-page/do-you-like-that-baby/

    2) A more mature woman, who has been repeatedly confronted with the lack of attention you speak of (sorry ladies, they don’t get better as they age)…http://metanotherfrog.com/main-page/boys-this-isnt-a-porn-shoot/

    Enjoy

    S

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s