Oh hey White girl, remember me? ;)

Ok, remember the white girl that I wrote about in my “I know your entire life story” blog? Well, it appears that I have no choice but to hit on her.  That’s right: I have to hit on her, take her out to lunch, and show her a good time. I know, its terrible. But I have to do it. Why, you ask? Because I’m doing it for a bigger cause: Asian men.

Underneath the backpacks and "UC" sweaters, all Asian guys look like this😀

Over the past few weeks I noticed that (lets call her: Cara) has been talking to this Asian guy in class (lets call him: Tony). Day after day, Tony sits next to Cara and they talk and flirt. She would turn around and doodle on his paper while he laughs at her (sometimes) stupid jokes. Unfortunately, Tony isn’t exactly Mr. Suave. For christs sake, he wore a flannel and sweatpants! That’s just nasty! That’s suicide goddamnit!

Additionally, he’s in a  math class and he’s not even getting a good grade. I’m all for defying stereotypes but when it comes to getting good grades and being Asian, it ain’t so bad of a stereotype. But to make matters worse, there’s this other white guy in class who often teases him. Not in an incredibly bad way, but in a passive aggressive way. He says things like “Dude, I wouldn’t be surprised if you were 8 and you were in this math class. I mean, you’re Asian!”

Dear Asian men: you don't have to act like Bobby Lee in order to be funny. You can do better than that!

So as I watch Mr. Asian-Magoo fumble in his sweatpants trying to gain the approval of Cara, I can only sit back and say to myself “Wow! WOW! You’re making us look BAD!” I’ve been trying not to cock block my fellow Asian brother but he’s making me irritated! She seems like the open minded type (aka, into Asian guys) and I need her to realize that Asian guys aren’t all goofy and submissive like that. Some of us Asian men actually know what we’re doing…

Today was test day which meant finishing early = leaving early. This also means that I finish tests faster than Cara, thus I don’t see her after class. After finishing the test, I walked to my car and I sat down trying to think of a way to talk to her. But how? Do I wait in front of her car, lean against the side door and say “Oh, is this your car? How silly of me” Nah, I can’t do that – I’m waay smoother than that!

"Sumimasen (excuse me), you dropped something"😉

So instead, I drove around the parking lot trying to find her car. When I found it, I parked right next to her. All I had to do was wait and prepare: I turned off the engine, rolled back my seat, opened up my GQ magazine and turned on some white people surfer music (American Pie 2 soundtrack). And just like the mafia movies where two gangsters try to look inconspicuous, when really they’re about to rob a bank, I said to myself “Alright Geno, look natural, they’z comin”

She walked towards the car and I nonchalantly gazed from under my sunglasses and magically appeared.

"Oh! What a coincidence! You parked right next to me!"

Cara: Hey!
Me: Oh, hey!
Cara: What are you up to for the rest of the day?
Me: Hmmm, not sure. I just wanted to relax a bit then maybe grab some lunch.
Cara: Oh where?
Me: I’m kinda in the mood for something fishy – sushi perhaps?
Cara: Well there’s this really good place down…hmmm…what’s the street again?
(Woman, please. First off, I’m Asian, I know my sushi. Second, I’m a foodie, I know my sushi.)
Cara: Oh! It’s this place called Sushi Tomo! It’s SOO GOOD! (actually it’s not, but I’ll let this one go)

At this point, I was ready to jump at her with all of my restaurant knowledge, bickering about how Bay Area sushi sucks and how you can only get decent sushi in San Francisco. But again, that would only make me look bad so I held back my comments and admired her presence.

Me: How about you? What are you up to for today?
Cara: Well, I might go running. I’m thinking about driving down to Santa Cruz and possibly run there.
Me: Ya know? I always see you wearing such sporty clothes. Are you involved in any sports?
Cara: Actually I just run a lot.
Me: You seem very fit. You’re always eating healthy stuff. (points to the cup in her hand) Protein shake?
Cara: Yea! It helps replace all of the protein that I lose when I run

(Fun Fact: Protein/powdered drinks disgust me)

Me: I don’t know man, I don’t think I can do the whole “powdered” thing. I love food too much
Cara: Oh no! I mean I LOVE food! Oh jeez, I eat a lot of food all the time!
Me: haha
Cara: Actually, I just got this magazine and I saw this lady (goes into her car and shows me a picture of a woman)

Me: Hmmm…
Cara: I want her body – but not that muscular. She looks SO good! That’s like my motivation!
Cara: So when are you going out for lunch?
Me: Probably after I finish reading this
Cara: Oh ok. Yea, I don’t think I’m gonna go to Santa Cruz anymore

(Did she just hint at me that she wanted to go to lunch? I knew she did, but I didn’t invite her. I want her to simmer)

Me: Well have fun with that, and I’ll see you around!
Cara: Ok, see you next week!

As she turned on her engine I could feel her looking at me, trying to say goodbye, but I ignored her. I want her to do the chasing, not me.

So that’s my story, and why I must do what I have to do. Is it fucked up? Sure. Am I a cock blocker of Asian men? No – only this one. Although I have no real intentions of hooking up with this girl I do admit: she’s nice, friendly and she’s also pretty. Not really my type, but still a nice girl. But hey! Who knows?



Once you’ve had rice,

you never think twice.

12 thoughts on “Oh hey White girl, remember me? ;)

  1. You’re a cock blocker, and a very good one at that. However, you’re also a vag tease, and I can’t help but help but feel sorry for this sweet (probably naive) girl you’re hitting on. At least take the girl out for a date, Ranier! It’s the least you can do for this girl who so clearly likes Asian guys.🙂

    • Seeing as how she likes sushi + she’s a health nut, I’m thinking about taking her to this small sushi joint in Palo Alto that makes their sushi with brown rice. Then I have this (organic) yogurt shop just a few blocks down.

      I think will work🙂

      • this is exactly how I feel when I approach, date, and hook up with non asian girls. I’m doing it for the rest of my asian brothers. keep it up, son!

  2. if you’re taking her to California Ave, you should follow up with Zombie Runner. A running/health store with great small batch coffee/espresso bar inside.🙂

  3. I had to read this post several times because I kept getting distracted by all the pictures of asian man-candy. Even now, I’m getting sidetracked…

    So anyway, I’m glad that you’re taking one for Team Asia by asking this girl out, but she sounds like a hot mess.

    (1) Recommending asian eateries to an asian? Puh-lease. It may be a rookie mistake on her part, but that gets my goat every time.

    (2) Protein drinks make me gag. I’ve been known to drink them on the sly when I’m desperate for protein, but I’d never carry them around like a badge of honor.

    (3) She showed you a picture of her ideal body? That’s just weird, dude.

    That being said, however, I can’t really judge this girl because I’ve got no game either. You, on the other hand, most certainly do. I tip my hat to you!

    • The scary part is that the woman in the “ideal body” picture was pretty damn ripped.

      I wonder what happens to those body builder women. Do they only date men bigger than them?

      ps. Pssh, what’s all this talk about my “game”? I’m a total goody-goody/homebody :o)

  4. Falco,

    Please have some mercy on the poor child and ask her out…soon. Clearly she’s jones-in’ for some of you. But then again who isn’t?😉

    Outside of that all I have to say is:

    1) Cockblocking is alright with me when it’s for such a worthy cause.

    2) I SOOO love the last photo (smut lovers of the world unite!)

    • Hmmm… I wonder what the female version of cockblocking is called. I mean, I know women can get pretty competitive in the land of dating, so I’m interested to see how bad it is compared to men.

  5. Falco darlin’,

    I took your question re the female version of cockblocking to my tweeps (dude you so need to get on twitter) and the lovely and brilliant Helene, aka man_shopper, came up with two gems. I’m just going to throw them up here and let you decide which you prefer because they are both so good…

    1. Bitch-blocking
    2. ‘gina-jamming

    Please, let me know which one you pick once you do.


  6. lolz @ Once you’ve had rice,
    you never think twice.

    once you go yellow you skip the next fellow .
    as a friend once quoted me lolz

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