The Girl I Never Told You About: Leah the Librarian

Beyond the normal blogger – who writes shitty haikus about their dogs or rants about how their ex-boyfriend doesn’t listen anymore – exists a mutation that I am proud to say I am a part of: relationship blogging. It’s a funny thing, writing about your personal life, it honestly takes steel balls to empty out your heart in text and nail it onto the chalkboard for all of the internet to see.

"Is this what you want?!" *sobs in the corner of the room*

However, one of the common misconceptions about relationship blogging is that we publish all the details of our personal life. All of them. From one night stands to back alley tugjobs, people believe that we say it all. But among us mutant bloggers is a secret: some of our BEST relationship blogs are left unpublished. Despite my lack of posts on this blog (which might seem to suggest I have no love life) I now present to you the secret saga that I’ve hidden from you for almost a year: the story of Leah.

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Every school year I always start with a huge boost of confidence in the dating world. “PUAHAHA! Fathers and Mothers! Shield your daughters from me! Hide them in the basement! For it is I, Falconius Maxiumus, and I am here to deflower ALL of your intelligent, smart, and beautiful daughters!”

"Drop your panties. NAU!"

On a rainy day in October I decided to stroll into the Library for some warmth and internet. Suddenly, I did something that I realized I should have done a long long time ago: I took a good look at the librarian. There’s this girl who had been working there for the past year and I always saw her scanning books but I never took the time to really look at her.

Holy shit…she’s pretty. No I mean seriously she’s REALLY pretty!” I don’t know man, I have no idea how I went a whole year at De Anza checking out various books and DVDs without even looking at this girl out. At that instant I knew I had my next mission: hook up with the librarian! Woo! All of my childhood fantasies will now come true! This is going to be SO kinky, OMG!

But aha! I had a dilemma: this girl was working all the time, so how could I hit on her without hitting on her? It’s not like I was gonna walk up, rest my elbow on the counter, show off some chest hair and be like “Soo…. you come here often?” I had to create a master plan in order to gain her trust and then obtain the sacred phone number. So I took the smart road and I waited, visiting her every now and then to slowly build up a rapport.

Day 1
Me: Would you happen to know where I can find a copy of 1984?
Her: Oh, second floor at the very end it’s on the right.

Day 8
Me: Hey, I always come here and you always check out my books yet I have no Idea what your name is.
Her: Haha, it’s Leah.
Me: *Shakes hand* Nice to meet you Leah, I’m Ranier.

Day 17
Me: Blah…I am soo hungry!
Her: Me too! I can’t wait to get off!
Me: Oh, what time do you get off?
Her: 10:30
Me: Oh wow, and what time do you start?
Her: 7:30
Me: Hmmm…(commits to memory)

"Wait...wait a minute...okay got it!"

As our small chit chat grew into more substantial conversations about art and school, I noticed our interests were intersecting. She’s into art, and so am I. Her fashion sense is simple and sophisticated, and so is mine. Eventually it came to the point where the small talk was no longer enough – I wanted more one on one time with her so I knew had to speak to her outside of work…

So one morning I decided to ditch my 10:30 class and I lingered outside of the library waiting for her to leave. As she descended down the stairs I briskly walked in the direction she was headed towards, that way we could “bump” into each other – which we did. And man oh man was I happy.

Me: Oh wow! Hey!
Her: haha hello here!
Me: Jeez, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you outside of the library before!
Her: haha well here I am 🙂

We started to discuss in further detail our interest in art and fashion. She showed me some of her work and I just stood in awe of her talent. I mean as much as I could have faked my interest in her work, her stuff was actually really really good. Leagues beyond what I’ve done. So there, in a moment of clarity, I seized the opportunity to set up a date.

Me: Hey, I have to head to class but umm…we should definitely talk more. I’d love to see more of your work!
Her: Oh yes, that would be great!
Me: Do you have an email or a phone number that I can contact you at?

And that was that. I got the number – all I needed was to get the girl. I laid low for a few days in order to not seem too desperate then decided to shoot her a polite yet professional email. She eventually replied but our plans never went through. By then the quarter had ended and with my new schedule I was starting school at 12pm and Leah was well on her way home. The only chance I had left was to contact her through her cellphone or email.

I emailed a few times after that but she always took so long to respond. “Lunch?” “Oh sorry, I’m busy!” “How about dinner?” “I actually have finals to study for!” At that point I was finished. It was obvious she wasn’t interested in me so I decided to drop the entire thing and leave the relationship hanging, unfinished, and untouched.

Months went by and I didn’t hear from her. Even though the mission to “hook up with the librarian” was aborted, I was still curious as to where she went. Did she transfer to a new college already? Was she hiding from me? Did she die or something? Jesus christ! From the November of 2009 all the way into June 2010 I didn’t hear a peep from Leah. Then came a surprising email…

Listening to Frank Sinatra now. Remind me of you. What have you been up to?

– Leah

Oh. My. EFFING. GAWD! The instant I read that I began flapping my arms around like an excited 12 year old white girl watching her first Justin Bieber concert. This was EPIC! This was…LEGENDARY! This monumental email would be forever written about in text books, etched into marble slabs and placed upon the moon! As you can see, I was very very happy. A once dead relationship now had the opportunity to rise from the ashes and formulate into a real, fully functional relationship! HELLZ YEA!

Eventually I found out she had a Facebook and we rekindled, sharing stories about food and setting up a dinner date. That date happened  12 hours ago – here’s how it went:

So I roll up in front of her house and I get out of the car to get some fresh air. A door unlocks and I slowly turn my head to see what has to be the best dressed, most elegant, drop dead beautiful girl I have ever taken out on a date…EVER. As a street fashion blogger I have literally 10 seconds to decide whether or not I like an outfit, and whether or not I should photograph it. Generally it takes me about 10-20 seconds on the street but the instant I saw Leah in that PERFECT dress, it must have taken me about 1/4 of a second to be impressed.

Her dress was pretty similar to this

There’s something so amazing about her style. It’s incredibly simple yet executed with laser like precision. The dress was relatively conservative on top while  the bottom was short enough to expose an immaculately toned pair of legs. Her heels were black and sexy and her hair was exactly the way I like it: short, sophisticated, and jaw droppingly sexy. I was sold.

As the night progressed I knew I wanted to have a good time but I also had some information I needed to seek out: does she have a boyfriend? She mentioned before something about a “bf” but I tried to brush it off and I chose to believe that she was speaking of a “best friend” rather than a boyfriend. But I mean hey! I was ambitious!

lmao

Not wanting to jump into dinner and ask straight up “Aye yo, you gotta man?!” I decided to let the conversation flow naturally. We talked about our future goals, motorcycles, and she even confessed to being an avid reader of ALL my blogs. I was quite flattered and also a bit worried that she might have known “too much” – but then again, I’m a relationship blogger so there are no secrets (kinda).

Eventually the atmosphere of the conversations rose and I had to take out the big guns and ask the golden question. The question that would soon determine whether or not I would be going out on more dates with Leah. The question of: do you have a boyfriend?

Me: So it seems like you’re enjoying your life overall. What about your personal life? Any boyfriends or anything like that?
Her: Well yes, I have a boyfriend and–

Time stopped. My ear plugged up for a split second and I wasn’t with Leah having dinner, but rather floating in a dark and empty room towards a big red button that said “ABORT MISSION!” As I came closer and closer, my hand extended and I was ready to push the button; I was ready to place Leah in the “girls who have boyfriends” category. This is a folder that once a girl goes into, she rarely comes out. And just as I the tips of my fingers caressed the button, I thought about a conversation I had the other day with my mom:

Me: How was your date mom?
Mom: Oh it was good! We just went fishing! It was so nice Ranier. It’s nice to be able to go out with someone and not feel pressured. We’re just friends and he respects my relationship status and I respect his. Once we finish hanging out we go home and that’s it. We’re still friends….It’s nice to have that.

For a moment I just sat at the table looking at Leah and I saw something…my mom. How did I not see this before? Leah’s style is a lot like my mom’s, they both have a somewhat similar smile, they both have short hair, they’re both beautiful women, and their names both start with an L. A surge of emotions ran through me and I remembered all the times my mom said she had her heart broken. From the experiences that she’s been through she has reason enough to quit believing in the entire male population – and I wouldn’t blame her.

So I had two choices: I could either write Leah off and never speak to her again or I could be a real man and stick with her – not because I want a relationship out of it – if she just so happens to break up with her current boyfriend – but because that’s what I should do. I should stay and be her friend. I should be the glimmer of hope that lets her know that “It’s okay…I don’t want anything more from you. I just want to listen to you and be someone you can hang out with. You can still love your boyfriend and I’ll still be me.” I fell down from the black room and our conversation commenced.

She told me her boyfriend of 3 and 1/2 years was her soulmate and that they had a strong connection. Usually I don’t buy into the soulmate bullshit but I could tell she was sincere. And although I could tell myself “NO! I AM A BETTER BOYFRIEND! You will never find a man like MEE!” Who am I to tell her that? Who the HELL am I to deprive her of a happiness so rarely found? That night I was completely relaxed. Good food came in my mouth and amazing conversation came into my ears. My brain and my stomach both ended the night on a very good yet satisfying note.

After I dropped her off I started to search within myself to see if I could feel any emotions. Nothing. I wasn’t sad nor did I have butterflies in my stomach. There were no thoughts of “Damn, another one got away!” nor “One day you’ll be with me!” In fact…I felt pretty damn normal. I honestly had no feelings at all. It was just regular ole’ Ranier driving home. Nothing out of the ordinary.

When I got home I opened the door to see my mom standing in the kitchen. She had just got back from a date and was wearing a beautiful blue dress. She was talking about something but for a moment I blocked out what she said, walked over and gave her a kiss on the forehead. Then I thought about Leah…

Leah is not your ordinary girl. She’s the type that only comes around once every hundred years. Her taste is modern but her soul is timeless. Her style is classy but her intellect is limitless. She has manners, charisma, talent, and mystery. And she’s so…damn…beautiful. I found myself just gazing into her face for several seconds, admiring the composition and time it must have taken for nature to think of such an amazing face. I guess the only way I can sum it all up is to let my buddies from Cowboy Bebop do the explaining:

Jet: So what kind of woman is she? What’s Julia like?
Faye: Ordinary. The kind of beautiful, dangerous ordinary that you just can’t leave alone.
Jet: I see.
Faye: Like an angel from the underworld. Or a devil from Paradise

"For whatever my man is, I'm his forevermore."

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Some women aren’t meant to be

categorized. They aren’t girlfriends

or platonic friends. They just are.

They are simply roses in a glass box.

You can’t touch em but you’re always

welcome to come back and admire

their beauty and splendor.

Interracial Dating: Are Asian Guys the Perfect Boyfriends?

In a weird way, sex is a lot like Interracial Dating: everyone does it but not a lot of people openly discuss their preferences. In the same way that you won’t barge into work and proclaim to your coworkers “I LOVE handjobs!” you also can’t start a conversation with “I LOVE Punjabs!” But interracial dating is tough – or so it seems. We are too often lead to believe that dating outside our native culture is troublesome and will surely lead to an unexpected pregnancy – or at least a broken heart.

“I went black and I’m NEVER going back!”

In my life I’ve had the luxury of meeting various girls of various backgrounds: North Indians, Mexicans, Punjabis, South Koreans, French, Canadians, Japanese, Iraqis, and any others that you can think of. But among the girls that I’ve had an romantic interest for, I’ve come to the conclusion that although interracial dating is tough, dating an Asian guy isn’t.

Could it be? Could it be that Asian guys are the perfectly balanced boyfriend of your dreams? Could it be that our culture mixed with ANY culture will result in ETERNAL happiness and good fortune? Well I’m not sure about ANY culture (Eskimos? Not sure yet…)  but I have a very strong feeling that we’re getting there. The modern Asian man is probably one of the most diverse, open minded, and well balanced feller you’ll ever meet. Not sure if you’ll like one? Here’s the guide:

“Read this blog, it’s my favorite!” – Bruce Lee

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Asian guys dating Black girls


Many people have the belief that because some Black girls may be too aggressive, a relationship with an Asian man will only result in a squashed banana. Ummm…are you KIDDING me? Too aggressive? Do you realize we’re raised by older ASIAN WOMEN?! Older Asian women are the most vicious, cut throat people in the world. They will cut you off in heavy traffic, deny your refund (even if you have the receipt signed by the president), and if you don’t eat your vegetables they will punish you by making you drink tobasco sauce (yes, that really happened to me.)

So to say that Black women will overpower Asian men is a false statement! We can handle you, and anything you may throw at us – be it a slipper, the remote control, or tobasco sauce. To link back to the past, Asians and Blacks in America have both gone through poverty at some point in time. Both of us have lived through cramped houses, shared beds, and food stamps (my family included). So in terms of family values, both of our cultures know the importance of hard work, saving money, and keeping close to your family.

Several years back, when my older brother was dating a black girl, he came out of his room and approached me with his hand at my shoulder and said “Dude, I’m telling you: marry a black girl. When they love you, they love you. They know how to treat a man.” Since then I’ve been wondering about what it might be like to date a black girl myself, and what the hell he was doing with that hand before he touched me.

In the perspective of love, Asian men are similar to Black women. You see, there are billions of Asians out there (literally) and to us, true love is true happiness. I mean sure, we’d like to get an A on our Anthropology midterm but meeting the right girl is where our true happiness resides. When an Asian man finds a woman, he worships the ground she walks on. She is the thread binding his soul together and with that, with both the Black woman and Asian man madly in love, who can’t deny the fact that eternal happiness is possible?

“But…but Ranier! I’m a Black woman and I occasionally like listening to underground hip hop, and I also enjoy dancing! How will my Asian man EVER keep up with me!? All he does is listen to techno!” If that’s what you’re worried about please take a look at the show America’s Best Dance Crew (ABDC) and look at the winners: Quest Crew, Jabbawockeez, Super Cr3w, We Are Heroes, and Poreotix. From all of the 5 seasons, 4 of them were Asian groups.

Asians are winning all the dancing competitions, we compete in B-boy battles, freestyle, we can all sing, play an instrument, or beatbox. We’re just as musical and talented as you are. Still worried? Look at how beautiful our kids will look like!

How your kids will look like:

 

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Asian guys dating White girls

 

 

The Asian male and White female (AM/WF) couple have been the poster boys/girls for interracial dating  – and for good reasons. Now I’m not trying to knock off White Male/Asian Female (WM/AF) couples but in the case of AM/WF, there’s a beauty that exists between the two. Unlike WM/AF couples, which too often include a White male with an Asian fetish, the relationship between an AM/WF is completely balanced. No fetishes, no objectification.

Between the Asian male and White female there’s a sense of equality in power. No specific gender wears the pants [permanently] and there’s a divine sense of understanding. From my experience, 100% of the White girls that I know who are interested in Asian guys are ALL highly cultured, open minded, beautiful, and intelligent women. Some have traveled the world while others possess the intellect to crush Professor Xavier (X-men). (ex: Zoe Blue)

Why yes! Miss Universe 2005, Natalie Glebova, is married to an Asian man. WOO!

These adventurous and cultured women have seen life in its fullest and have carried that mentality towards dating. Why would she date a regular guy from town when there’s a hunky, cultured Asian man right next to her?! You see, Asian American men are born cultured. Fortunately for us, all of our parents believe in preserving some of the traditions from “back home”. From the foods we eat to the way we handle marriage and children, there’s always a sense of Asian culture in an Asian man. Most importantly, Asian men are knowledgeable about other Asian cultures. If you meet a Chinese man, chances are he knows everything about Korean cuisine and he also listens to Japanese music.

So when Sally Johnson (who traveled to India, Thailand, and China) meets Peter Leung (who has lived in California all his life) the two of them have good chemistry. Sally senses Peter’s culture and Peter recognizes her open mindedness and intelligence. The two are psychologically perfect for each other and their passion for culture and adventure will keep them together, traveling the world, eating good food, and having great sex.

Vera Farmiga in “Never forever”

How your kids will look like:

 

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Asian guys dating Latin girls

 

 

Ahh…the Latina: Her beauty is so unmeasurable that not even our Ti-89 Titanium edition calculators can explain it. I live in the East Side of San Jose which means you are either one of two things: Asian or Latin. Sure there are sprinkles of whites and blacks here and there but it’s pretty much 4o% Asian, 40% Latin, and 20% “What are you?”

For some odd reason I’ve noticed that as I flip through my mental black book of girls I’ve liked, the best ones (the ones who I had the best chemistry with) were ALL Latina. My first girlfriend in 6th grade was Latina, and so was my second. Latinas and Asians have one MAJOR priority that matches perfectly with each other: the importance we place on family.

A father at his daughter’s Quinceanera

BOYYY I’ll tell ya! Asians have big families. We have family back in the Philippines, Vietnam, China, and every major city in America. Similarly, Latina’s have ENORMOUS families as well. Have you seen a picture from a Latina’s Quinciañera? If you were to TRY to fit all of her family in one picture, you’d have to get one of those cameras they use to take the senior High School class picture. Bottom line: we have huge families which means we’re very affectionate and caring people.

So when Elena Hernando calls her boyfriend Brandon Manlangit (Filipino last name fyi) to cancel their dinner plans because of a sudden family dinner she has to attend, Brandon will understand, because Brandon shares the same values. Brandon won’t get mad and Elena will have a good time with her family knowing that canceling her date with Brandon was easier than she thought. They get each other.

Lastly, I personally think the chemistry between Latin girls and Asian guys works incredibly well. Generally speaking, Latin women are often more laid back than Latin men. Similarly, Asian men are more laid back than Asian women. Which means naturally, the two relaxed people make for a great couple. Both the Latin girl and the Asian guy enjoy having fun, laughing all the time, and basking in each others simple yet fun charisma.  It’s a relationship that never gets boring and ensures that every kiss is just as perfect as the first.

How your kids will look like:

 

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What does this all mean?


White men have always been seen as the default in interracial dating. It’s as if society’s general understanding of Interracial dating = colored women dating white guys. But it doesn’t have to be that way! If you’re a Black women you can date a Punjabi! If you’re a White woman you can date a Native American! If you’re a Latina you can date a Kenyan! You have options! You have choices! Life isn’t McDonalds where you only have Vanilla soft serve – HELL NO! You’re at an ice cream shop on steroids! This is Baskin Robins 5000 flavors!!!

I don’t want people in society to keep thinking that Interracial dating is a white centric thing. I want you guys to try ALL of the ethnicities under the cancer inducing sun! But remember: if you want a man who is cultured, who understands what you’ve been through, who will worship the ground you walk on, who will be the father of your childen, who will laugh with you, who will understand your need to be with family… try dating an Asian man – we’re  AWESOME!

“High five for being Awesome!”