Stupid Stereotypes: OMFG Why Are Asian Guys So Shy?!

So apparently, all Asian guys are shy. Yes! That is the truth! White girls, White guys, and just about everyone is saying it, therefore it MUST be true! …right?



For some goddamn reason, the idiots of the universe have come to the retarded conclusion that All Asian Guys Are Shy. Now, some of you may be thinking “Hey, man! I think that Asian guys are shy, but I am certainly not an idiut!” Ummm… yeaaaa….about that. Technically speaking, you actually are not just an idiot, but a fucking idiot. You know why? Here’s why:

If an Italian Man yells at the dinner table, throws his spaghetti at the fireplace and says “AYE-UH! What do you think-uh you are-uh doing-uh!?” he is not considered an angry asshole – he is considered passionate.

If a French Man walks up to his drinking buddies, slaps them on the butt, and kisses each guy on the cheek, we don’t consider him a homosexual – we call that friendly.

And if a White American man shoots and kills Mexican Immigrants that try to cross the border, he’s not considered a psychotic killer – he‘s considered a patriot.

What’s crazy to one culture may be totally normal to another. The way we perceive a culture is highly dependent on our own. However, despite the fact that many Americans are homophobic, many of us can make the distinction between homosexuality, and a French Man kissing his best friend. We get it, we understand it, and we don’t judge.

"Did you see that crazy Italian guy?!"

ut what about Asian guys? According to many whining assholes on the internetz:

If an Asian Guy doesn’t hit on a girl, or asks for her phone number, then he is ultimately deemed as a shy Asian boy.

But is that really true? Why is it that so many people are willing to appreciate the cultural differences of Italian, French, Black, and Latin culture, but not Asian? Believe it or not, there are real reasons why Asian guys are the way that they are. So please, sit back, relax, and let me pry open your ignorant eyeballs to show you why Asian guys are not shy.

Shy? What are you talking about?!

1. In Asian Culture, Being “Direct” = Bad

Consider the following image:
Blue = Western Culture Red = Asian Culture

Stating Your Opinions

One of the greatest battles in history deals not with Nazis, KKK, or even Jedis, but rather, parents and children. Whenever my mom and I get into an argument, I usually end up saying something like:

Me: Mom! You’re not understanding me! You can NOT turn on the computer with the T.V remote!
Mom: Ranier, change your tone! You could have said that in a nicer way.
Me: Well, what do you expect me to say?!
Mom: You could have said “Mother, I don’t think you can really use the remote for the T.V. Let me show you how to use it the right way.”

As you can see,Β  my Western style of being direct often clashes with my Mom’s traditional Asian style of being indirect. Essentially, as Asians, we are taught that if we want to share our thoughts and opinions, we must do so by adding extra “fluffy” words in order to make it sound less harsh. By doing so, we avoid hurting other people’s feelings, and we maintain a sense of consideration for others.

What Does This Have To Do With Asian Guys Being Shy?

He's not shy, he's just embarassed to show off his giant smile πŸ˜‰

As a considerate Asian guy, you can’t just walk up to a girl and say “Hey, can I get your number?” No way hombre! You must bump into her by “accident,” apologize, talk to her for a few days, and THEN ask her for her phone number! As an Asian guy, this longer process is viewed as being respectful, and it’s our way of showing you that we care about your feelings and your personal space.

2. Asian Guys Aren’t Shy,We Just Overthink Things

"Hello there, cute girl! I come to you with a plan that will sweep you off your feet. How does that sound?"

One of the biggest reasons why men fail at approaching women is that, quite simply, many men don’t know what to say. They go in, with no plan whatsoever, and they start blurting out random noises. Shit! Some of you guys might as well go up to a girl and say “ooga ooga!” But NO! Not Asian guys! The problem with Asian guys is not that we’re shy, but rather, we tend to overthink things.

Think about it this way: Asians are hard wired to get good grades. In order to get a good grade, you need to study a bit, and you need to know what is on the test before you take it. So when it comes to the test of dating, often times, Asian guys spend too much time studying (or in this case, planning and figuring out what to do), and not enough time on actually going out and making a move.

"If my calculations are correct, smoking this cigarette while wearing this suit will guarantee that you will fall in love with me!"

Now, don’t mistake this for shyness. The fact that an Asian guy doesn’t make a move isn’t necessarily out of shyness, but rather, he just wants to make sure his plan is 100% guaranteed to work. Sometimes, we’ll be very interested in a girl, and we don’t wanna screw it up. So we create elaborate plans to sweep you off your feet, take you to the beach, and make love to you long, long time. Unfortunately, by the time we’re ready to make a move, some jerk jumps in and steals our girl!

3. Asian Guys Aren’t Shy, We’re Just Not Interested In YOU!

*BBW 4 AM* "Hai Azn Guyz! I'm single and ready to mingle! LAWLS! I'm so silly!"

Sometimes, people really amaze me. I’ll be talking to some 40 year old, 300 lb lady with a mustache, and she’ll be like “OMFG! THIS HOT ASIAN GUY AT WORK ISN’T TALKING TO ME! WHY IS HE SO SHY?! TALK TO ME, YOU SEXY SEXY ASIAN MAN! STOP BEING SO SHY! I DON’T BITE!”

Ummm…. are you forreals? Has it ever occurred to you that maybe – just maybe – the Asian guy isn’t interested? I mean come on! Just because you’re a fat White chick doesn’t mean I wanna sleep with you! I have standards too, dammit! Maybe it’s just me, but sometimes I get the feeling that non-Asian girls expect Asian guys to be desperate – as if our confidence is so unbelievably low that we’ll just hook up with anyone with a vagina. Well guess what? You’re wrong.

So no, Asian guys are NOT shy, we just don’t wanna date 300lb girls with mustaches.

And if your name is Keni Styles, well then shiettt! You can date just about any woman you want!

4. Asian Guys Aren’t Shy,We’re Just PreoccupiedΒ  With School and Work

Rick Yune is an actor, so technically, this is considered "work" πŸ™‚

It doesn’t take a brain surgeon to realize that school and work are high priorities in the Asian world. As an Asian, your primary purpose in life is to make money – and lots of it. It’s programmed in our brains, son! Sure, we may be on the bottom of the totem pole when it comes to dating, but hey! Look at our figures! As of now, Asians hold the highest median salary in the United States! Do you think that would have been possible if Asian guys partied all night and had daily orgies with sorority girls? Possible, but not likely.

For many Asians (including myself), I was raised to believe that I can only have a girlfriend when I graduate college. The idea being that, if I have a girlfriend during school, I might get distracted. That idea is totally foreign to me now, but every now and then, I’ll “shut down” the factory of love, and focus on school. Sometimes it’s not even about getting better grades, but rather, spending more time to figure out who I am, and what I want.

Unluckily, a lot of Women mistaken this as shyness, when really, it’s just an awareness of one’s priorities in life.



What Does This All Mean?

Furthermore, what the HELL is goin on in this picture?!

Look: I’m not gonna sit here and tell you that All Asian guys are NOT shy. There are definitely a handful of shy Asian guys, as well as shy White guys, shy Black guys, and shy French guys. Shyness isn’t a characteristic of an ethnic group, it’s just your perception of someone’s behavior. If you think that someone is shy, it’s probably because you yourself are a confident person.

When it comes to Asian guys being shy, remember that there are many factors that can affect your perception. Things such as: culture, you being ignorant, and you being an idiot. Stop looking at people from the mindset of your own, and start seeing them from their culture’s perspective. Stop trying to change an entire culture when in reality, you’re the one that needs the change. Try to be understanding! Get to know Asian guys before you judge them!

If you keep complaining about Asian guys, this is what will happen to you: REJECTION!

The more you bitch and whine about us Asian guys being shy, the more ignorant you start to sound. It just proves that you’re lazy, and unwilling to accept the differences in OUR culture. So spread the love, get yourself an Asian man, and shit… if you must, go talk to the Asian guy your damn self!

What’s wrong? You don’t want to? Or are you just being shy? πŸ˜‰

56 thoughts on “Stupid Stereotypes: OMFG Why Are Asian Guys So Shy?!

  1. Ranier, as always, you are well-written, charming, funny, and…RIGHT! It’s not shyness and timidness, it’s priorities, culture differences (even though an Asian guy can be American, he’s still most likely raised with Asian values due to his parents!) and…last but not least…the girls that usually complain about Asian guy shyness ARE the ones that are unattractive!

    Thanks for being brutally honest. Please keep writing~!

    • If I see another BBW complaining about shy Asian guys, and the fact that Taeyang isn’t responding to her Facebook “pokes”, I’m gonna snap.


      Thank you Lady Heather πŸ™‚

    • Hi!! I have an ambw site and would like to re-post your work with full credit going to you of course. You give a wonderful and fresh insights. hope to hear from you soon!

  2. Great post as usual! Mmh however when you’re saying “if you must, go talk to the Asian guy your damn self” well you’re forgetting that according to western culture AND asian culture, it’s the guy supposed to make the first move. Even more so in Asia, if a girl makes the first move and talks to a guy and *gasp* asks his phone number, well she’s probably not a serious girl. You can have fun with her, but forget dating or a relationship. I mean it can happen, but it’s not a great start. And white girls have already a pretty bad reputation in Asia, no need to make it worse… But true, we should stop complaining and adapt to a different way of doing things, wait for the guy to talk, avoiding drawing conclusions too quickly etc. that might be a good idea πŸ˜€

    • You’re absolutely right about Western culture and guys being expected to do the approaching.

      HOWEVER! My point is that, if NOTHING is happening, and you’re just waiting for a miracle, then just go up to him yourself! He might be interested in you, but he may also think you have a boyfriend, or (even more relevant) he might think you’re not interested in Asian guys.

      Thanks Arianna πŸ™‚ ❀

  3. I LOLed at this article. I never got the “OMG! Azn guyz are SOOOOOOOOO shy!” thing. I have met very few guys that I would consider “shy.” The rest of the guys I’ve met have been open, friendly. Hell I’ve met some very aggressive Asian guys that came on so strong I was ready to throw a bucket of water on them t o cool them down!

    I think Number three is probably more common than people like to think but not due to body size. Some girls have a sense of entitlement in general and just expect men to want them. So they’re shocked when an Asian guy isn’t interested in them and just assume to be shy. But sometimes the guys just aren’t interested. Seriously, if guys in general aren’t approaching you for whatever reason, why would you expect Asian guys to?

    Anyway really entertaining article. πŸ™‚

    • >> “I never got the ‘OMG! Azn guyz are SOOOOOOOOO shy!’ thing.”

      Yeah, I don’t get it, either!

      I’ve met a few aloof Asian guys, in 25 years– and I just figured that they were more focused on school than I was. Of course, that’s another Asian stereotype, but I get the feeling that they actually ~were~ more focused. Rarg.

      *sadly chomps on Men’s Pocky*

  4. As always, very insightful post. Glad I could finally take a break to read about why the stereotype is wrong through the voice of an Asian male. But I felt bad for laughing at the fat lady with a mustache >.< because I know people that look like her T^T

  5. hilarious! well explained, too. when i lived in florida, it was thought that *some* west indian guys tend to have different concepts of personal space than we (other blacks in america) do. those that i’ve encountered are so direct that it’s uncomfy, even if they are handsome or have a good talk game. “Suga, my angel, you lookin so nice. Where ya goin? I ya man right here” (*not* an example of good talk game btw). i’m sure that ladies eat it up in the virgin islands or wherever, but it’ll make you want to run away! i’d never thought of the differences between asian and american dating culture as being similar to the differences in west indian and american datoing culture, but there it is. something to think about^_^

    also, dying about that bbw/taeyang comment! you’re a laugh riot.

  6. Pingback: Are East Asian guys attracted to Middle Eastern (primarily Arab) girls | girl go games

  7. Yep….I’m am the one who is shy, but thank God, I’m not 300 lbs, LOL.

    You have a point, who are we to try to change a culture when it’s been that way before we were born? I am the same way, also. I need to focus on getting to know myself and what I want before I get with a man. Now, if my Asian man has his stuff in order, I need to also. I can’t be some gold-digger. No man with an ounce of sense would appreciate this.

  8. Ranierrrr!! I’ve been waiting for another post of you πŸ™‚
    Hilarious as always and I love lucy (liu πŸ˜‰ )
    Btw, we got engaged this past april 10th!! I’m so happyyyy
    And no, he’s not shy.. usually ppl think bcuz I’m the latina I’m more outgoing and stuff but no, it is the other way around. He’s the one who goes out there, says hi and greets ppl with a cheesy smile, I rather stay home, do my homework or watch movies with my sis lol.

    He really had his school as a priority, so I just sticked around, went with the flow and bam! We’re getting married in June πŸ˜€

  9. Cool written!!
    Ignorants are everywhere -_-
    Everyone should open their eyes and read this! And by read, I don’t mean look at your desktop, but UNDERSTAND EVERY LINE!!
    Keep them posts coming! ❀

  10. Pingback: Stupid Stereotypes: OMFG Why Are Asian Guys So Shy?! (via ) « blackandyellowambw

  11. The problem with “focusing on school” is that sometimes a person becomes one dimensional – being very strong in academics but lacking in social skills. At the end of the day, the white guy with the right social skills and adequate but perhaps not superior knowledge will get to run the company. That’s why these days I believe focusing on school is misdirected. Being shy is sometimes a symptom of another problem – no possessing enough social experience to confidently express oneself. If one has this problem, it’s gotta be fixed just like an academic deficiency has gotta be fixed. Just my 2 cents.

    • I definitely agree. A college degree might get you a job, but it wont necessarily grant you a promotion/wife.

  12. I think we Asians sometimes invest too much time into something that has limited usefulness. The stereotype isn’t entirely untrue.

  13. Hey, just wanted to drop a quick comment here as I discovered your blog today and have be reading the archived posts. I thoroughly enjoy reading your entries, I was wondering just the other day what the inside of a guys head is like and shazzam here is my wish. I know this is just a piece of your brain but the insight is welcomed, hell thankful even.

  14. Thank you. I didn’t believe all guys were shy.

    but it was nice to get an insight, and now I understand.

    So glad I read this!! =D

  15. Hi Ranier,

    I can’t more agree with you in this matter. Well written again. And by the way I love so much the movie – Lover πŸ™‚ thanks for the pic.

    And the pic from the Benetton campaign is one of my favourites too. That guy and girl way too charming πŸ™‚

    Keep up the good work with your posts!

    Bye, Anna

  16. Well written and entertaining. I feel the negative perception of asian males in the U.S. is contributed by the small demographics of the asian population (no thanks to the exclusion act) and the media…I’m not sure why but there seems to have been more asian alpha males in the 90’s like Brandon Lee, Russell Wong, Ernie Reys Jr., Jason Scott Lee etc. then now.

  17. I hope it doesn’t seem like I’m spamming your blog with comments but I’m going through your archives and I find them very insightful and comforting. You’ve managed to logically explain a ton of issues I’ve been trying to figure out at the moment.

    I never realized my roundabout way of getting what I want was linked with how my parents raised me. All my friends find it so strange that I treat asking for what I need like brain surgery.

  18. Pingback: Express My Views #5: Response to Interracial Dating Rant (AM/BW) | Candy Nine

  19. LOl. I am nowhere near being shy! The fact I dont ask for girls’ phone numbers is because I am not interested in girls..

    And the fact I only ask for guys’ numbers when I am interested to see where it will take us.. If I dont, i m not interested..

    And being shy has nothing to do with culture, dignity or society.. its inside the heart.. all of us..

    Changing naked in the locker room is much of a taboo here.. and i wonder why..

  20. I am trying to find an Asian boyfriend and can not
    i am slim, have black hair, and just about every person that i have met has told me that i am very beautiful

    if any Asian guy wants to a girlfriend for a real relationship, not a three week thing and then break, a real relationship
    please send me an e-mail

  21. I don’t believe Asian guys are shy. I believe that we have priorities and ambition. I started dating when I was in medical school and during my surgical residency. And no, I never told any woman I am a surgeon. I usually tell women that I’m a lion tamer or a garbage collector. I dated various races: Vietnamese, Korean, Chinese, Half-Filipino Half White, Latinas, and white women. As a guy, I get hit on mostly by white women, and dated mostly 9-10/10.

  22. Hey man,

    You are a total pussy I read about 2 minutes of this crap and started laughing. You basically said in your first point that asian guys think like girls. a real ‘man’ isnt afraid of asking for a girls number rather than beating around the bush for a few days. stop trying to defend your inferior culture/race… idiot

  23. I don’t think white girls don’t date Asian men because they’re too shy, I think the reason is that most Asian men look and act very nerdy. Like huge round heads, small probing eyes, children’s glasses, a chubby body shape, and lack of body height.

    Women of all races like tall, handsome men, even Asian women – that’s why so many Asian women like to date tall white men.

    The handsome ideal isn’t “short and chubby with glasses” – but the majority of Asian men are like that. They should work out more and get their eyes lasered, and *boom* they’ll get more white women.

  24. Asian males are not shy – just reserved. They always think to much about situations and do not want any regrets later. Very educated and family oriented for his and her future. Taught to take pain and show no weakness to his enemy. Do not believe in divorce or fool around with aids or STD or unknown fatherhood. A Korean guy from Korea may be the toughest of all – ask all Viet Nam Veterans about ROK troops in the war. One of the toughest training in the world and all male Koreans must do military service. LA riots Korean guys went gun crazy. I hope Asian guys will open-up to all women of all color. If she makes you happy and she’s is happy with you. Color is no obstacle and there will be no regrets later. Life is too short. People are people – be friendly, respectful and have good manners. Parents and grand parents do not live forever. Be Happy…..!!!!!

  25. Hi,

    I found this post in Yahoo! search results for the subject of shy men, and stumbled upon this very well-writen and thought-provoking webblog. Best wishes to you, and have a great summer!

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  29. The fact is that of course some of us Asian men are shy around women. Even completely shy or a little bit. And it happens to men of other ethnicities as well. If you don’t agree to the facts there you must be ignorant. But more jokingly an idiot. πŸ™‚
    So good luck to all my Asian bros out there, Confidence is a must when approaching women. And I am a bit shy around women but that’s okay. Any girl that loves me only for whatever I have sucks it all away like that 300 pound girl with a mustache..

  30. it should be noted that asian guys who are above average in looks tend to not be shy at all since they know that everyone will like them, and this helps boost their confidence. if anything, there’s probably more asian girls that are shy

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  33. Alright. Ok. I like your delivery and jokes. You have a good foundation on why the ‘shy’ stereotype exists for Asian men. But I have to admit, there’s still a lot of work left to do for us Asian guys if we wish to be successful with women in Western culture. I was looking for this article to show up and here I’ve found it, finally. You see, I was reading this book called ‘Outliers’ by Max Gladwell, and he had this theory called “The Ethnic Theory of Plane Crashes,” and he goes on to explain why so many airplanes from Asia have crashed. I encourage anyone to go read about it. Anyway, basically when you go back and analyze the recorded audio in the cockpit of the conversations between the First Officer and the Captain, the First Officer, instead of giving DIRECT communications of what is going on so that the Captain could take immediate action to avoid danger, the First Officer gave INDIRECT communications. This is a serious problem especially if we’re talking about air plane crashes! Anyways, back to my main point. Professional linguists refer to this indirect communication as MITIGATED SPEECH. There are different levels of mitigated speech (1. hint 2. preference 3. query 4. suggestion 5. statement 6. command). You gave a great example of how you had to “fluff” up your communication dealing with your mother. Now, using mitigated speech isn’t necessarily bad – it shows that you consider people’s feelings. You also tend to use it when dealing with authority figures, such as you manager at work; Rather than using more direct language towards him/her, you might tone it down to a lighter suggestion. Anyways, long story short. I have noticed that OBEDIENCE is a big part of Asian culture. I mean, look at all of the martial arts movies where the MASTER is always respected highly. Asian guys take this RESPECT thing very seriously. And a lot of it has to do with the way we’re brought up at home. And this is why . . . my friend, Asian guys are perceived as so damn SHY. We need to learn how to get our mac on (our pimp on) and not be so afraid to break past and beyond this PARADIGM of ultimate respectfulness and zen. A chick is not going to want you if all you do is bow to her and respect her. You have to understand things like BANTER, being funny yet cocky (in a good way), and teasing women. No amount of engineering, math, and science can teach you that. Unless of course, an Asian guy comes up with the correct algorithms for them. J/K.

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