Interracial Dating Rant #5 – How I Feel About Jealous Black Men

Being in an interracial relationship, in a way, is almost like being a celebrity: all eyes – Black, White, Asian, or Brown – are on you. Curious eyeballs are whispering salty nothings into each other’s ears as they speculate the big question that is on their minds: “why is SHE with HIM?”

If you’re strong, you’ll toss that bullshit out the window faster than a cocaine dealer flushing down hisstash when the cops come knockin’. You block out the gossip and remember that, when the lights are low and it’s time to hit the sack, you aren’t sharing a bed with your girlfriend and the chatty baristas at Starbucks. Only your opinion, and the opinion of your mate is what counts. If you’re not strong enough to do this, if you care too much about what he says or she said when you, a 28 year-old Latin woman walked by with your Malaysian boyfriend, then maybe interracial dating isn’t for you.

Luckily for me, I’ve become a pro at blocking out “observers” from my field of vision. Even for me, when random guys eyeball me and Livi, or they actually say something to us (one guy asked Livi if she was with me for the “Guap” – aka, money) I find myself chuckling all the way home. Although, it must be noted that although guys have said many things, one group of guys says it the most: Black Men.

Jeebus! Ranier, you must hate Black Men for being such haters, right?!”

In all honesty, despite the many things that random Black guys have said to us – including but not limited to: “Does he pay you a nickel for every time you say ‘I love you’?” and “REALLY?! (in front of our faces)” – I seriously don’t. The fact of the matter is that no matter what ethnicity you’re dealing with, there are always men in that group who feel like they own all of the women from their race. Men who act as if their women are betraying them, even though they themselves are in a relationship.

Men will be men and for as long as a piece of floppy skin dangles between their hairy legs, they will always be overly possessive, and utterly illogical. Furthermore, it’s not like all Black Men have a problem with Black Women dating outside their race. The guys that do tend to think this way are often times, in my experience, ghetto men. Not even ghetto black men, but ghetto guys altogether. I’ve had a couple random Latin guys make annoying comments about us too.

So to answer that question stated above, no, I don’t hate Black Men. Even before I found an interest in AMBW dating, I was always an advocate for the empowerment of Black Men and Women, and minorities in general. If for some reason you do hate the men/women of your girlfriend’s race, then good luck to you when you have to meet their parents…

33 thoughts on “Interracial Dating Rant #5 – How I Feel About Jealous Black Men

  1. For as much as black men talk shit about black women (especially dark skinned blacked women) they should really stfu. What other race of men makes music calling their women bitches and hoes? You have black men having babies with white or Asian women so they will have “good hair.” I’m an older white guy and I only date black women, so I kind of know where you are coming from. These idiots (the non black people too) who are making comments are just projecting their insecurity and self hate.

    • I completely agree. I’m Jamaican-American, and one reason why I’ve only ever dated one Black man is because a lot of the other guys either don’t appreciate us or want to date outside their race and then rebuke us for it. Thankfully, my ex was beyond that. Concerning the childish Black men out there (the author’s right; most of the time it’s the ghetto ones) it’s just too two-faced and immature for me.

  2. People always stare at my boyfriend and I when in public. I’m white, and he’s Korean. We’ve had some rude comments and questions as well, but we’re also strong enough to ignore it! I guess many still don’t understand that people are just people. Race is but a color, like your hair and eyes.

  3. My husband doesn’t understand english that well so i play right along with him often times ignoring people lol I just hope it doesn’t come down to a day where i feel like fighting somebody coz i wouldn’t want anybody to get hurt esp my husband…

  4. Kudoz to you Rainer and Livi. I have lived long enough to have seen many interracial couples struggle in their relationships. Some over-came and some did not. As a black-educated female, I have found that fools come in all different colors, shapes and sizes. Unfortunately that may never change as long as people view life through small minds and corrupt hearts. I hope you and Livi NEVER give in. LIfe is way tooooooo short. Love conquers everything!

    • i wish blacks who have attended college did refer to themselves as an educated-black person. it always comes off wrong, show you are a smart person by the way you think, and express yourself. you never hear whites refer to themselves as educated white person…
      sry i know its off topic, but i find it sooooooooo annoying.

      • I refer to myself as an educated white female sometimes. I happen to know a lot of utterly stupid white people. Also, people aren’t “blacks”, they are black people. It’s a description of color, not another species.

  5. I understand where you are coming from. As an Asian guy who dated black girls, I can understand where you are coming from regarding black guys. Some of these dudes are so rude they would try to hit on my girlfriend when I am standing there. After a while, you just can’t help laugh at all the sorry lines these guys used. Anyway, as long as your girlfriend sticks by you, nothing matters. Good luck in your relationship!

  6. I’m glad your not letting it get to you, because honestly people like that are silly and comical. Just be happy and love no matter what. Don’t loose sight on what’s important and don’t let strangers dictate your life. You and Livi are beautiful and I wish you two the best. Keep going strong loves.

  7. Much as I find it rude for people to make snide remarks about IR/AMBW or any other mixed unions, it is also something that I would expect. Though there have been increases in them, we still live in a world that is not only predominately homogeneous,but there are still people in this world who cannot get past one’s background.

    There is some great advice that was said in paragraph two. If you’re not strong enough to take the possible stares and/or rude remarks that may come from other people, it’s not going to last. I have dated a Black man from another country and when he spoke with his heavy accent, the stares came. In one case, the comment was very in this case, xenophobic , to the point where I just thought about putting my critics name and business on the news( investigative preferably).

    Not too long ago, I had to pay a bill at the mall. I have seen at least 6 mixed couples and one gay one. There was a BM/WW, 2 WM/BW, one of my friends who has a business in there. He’s a BM and his wife is an Arab, a AMBW and there was the gay female couple. I’m not going to lie and say that I don’t stare at them, but not on an OMG..did-you-see-them?kind of way and it defi9nitely wasn’t out of hate. I’ve also observed mall patrons in the mall. Yes, you had a few that stared,but it was for a quick second and they minded their own business. The only hard staring I’ve seen was from the gay female couple and I overheard a man tell his friend ” I don’t get why they could be with a man like me?” but directly ion their face..they kept their comments to themselves.

    People may have a right to stare,but it’s just crazy for some of them to attempt to dictate you’re relationship. They may come from the different backgrounds,but we are all created the same. To me, people who can take the time to put down one’s union because it’s mixed don’t have a life and have no idea what love is.

  8. I am hispanic, dating an asian guy. i dont know why, but i have not been victim to that kind of disrespect. i mean, we have gotten looks before, but it was mostly when we walked about china town, and older asian women looked at us weird. but honestly, we havent had the same experience as you guys.

  9. being a mixed raced girl myself, one thing ive noticed is that a lot of people (both men and women alike) seem to “choose” which race they want me to be. for example.. when i was with my ex boyfriend, a black man, his friends and stuff would always almost shun the fact that i was MIXED, not totally black, and would be kind of.. rude to other interracial couples, but wouldnt care about us and would try to actually include us into the subject of how terrible interracial dating was, even though we were doing it right there and then. i hate it, its like they PRETEND im not mixed or something. the same went for when i was with a white man; some were even really racist towards other interracial couples, but they wouldnt count us as an interracial couple because “my skin is almost as light” or because “you’re almost white anyway”. it sucks some serious butt dude :c. when i was with an asian man we only got a little trouble from his parents lol, they were worried i would be trouble. luckily i proved them wrong ^^, but still, i felt a little awkward at first being around them. my friends used to tease me a little too at first, but in the end they were just like, “oh you look good together,” and that was it. anyway though.. good luck to you guys in the future btw! ;D

  10. I am an East Asian guy myself and I’ve once dated a brown Desi girl (Bengladeshi). Surprisingly we’ve actually never actually had comments or stares thrown our way when we were out and about. As an Asian guy who highly prefers non-Asian girls I’ve always been mentally prepared for confrontations if I got into an interracial relationship due to the potential problems I may face from backward-thinking bigots. Hence when I got together with her at the time, I was on high-alert with our surroundings when we were in public, and made sure I walked boldly with a dominant demeanor when I had my arms around her. Of course, I’m not saying be all paranoid like everyone is out to get you (I understand many will look out of curiosity because Asian guy/Brown girl couples are extremely rare), but being vigilant in my case worked for me and thus we didn’t get into any problematic situations when we were together. It’s about the way you walk, like there is not a care in this world, it’s the need to exude dominance that you will not succumb to the archaic views of those who feel uncomfortable with seeing couples who do not fit in the ‘norm’ of a same-race relationship.

    Anyways, I salute those interracial couples out there who are doing what they enjoy and swatting aside all the disapproval they are facing like pestering flies. As a Chinese quote says: “ba ta men de hua dang cheng fang pi” (把他們的話當成放屁), which means: “treat their comments like they are farts”.

  11. “faster than a cocaine dealer flushing down his stash when the cops come knockin'” lmao ttly stealing that

  12. It must be hard though. A lot of people seem to blurt out unnecessary comments, seems like they are jealous really.

  13. so.. I’m biracial (Filipina and black) and the staring thing that people do.. I hated it as a kid. When I would go out with my parents… people always stared so hard :/ I remember scooting to hide behind my mom.
    Even now.. when there are so many biracial couples.. people still stare pretty hard at my family… It’s hard to ignore the staring when I look up.. and you’re sitting at the next table staring right at me.
    I think for my family though.. the color thing throws people off because my dad is pretty dark and you know.. my mom’s not x) so I’m significantly lighter than my dad and darker than my mom.. so to people just looking.. I don’t share a similar skin tone with anyone..
    In my memory… no one ever came up to us negatively.. they’d come up and be like “oh she’s so cute” or “she has pretty hair”. Considering I live in the South and I haven’t come across any racist comments about my parents being together.. I think that’s pretty lucky.
    I personally have gotten some teasing about being mixed but it was all jokingly (I hope >>…) I was called a “half-breed” once by a black boy in elementary school.
    I think the thing I hate the most is.. when people tell me “you’re not black” or “you don’t act black”. Excuse me? I am black and I don’t have to “act black”.. because I /am/ black. Like .. I literally got in an argument with a black guy over that before. What is “acting black”?
    Haha >>.. hope you enjoy that ranting that turned out longer than I originally intended… oh well~

  14. I’m white, but I’ve gotten that BS from white men. I turn around and say excuse me, since when did your pathetic ass OWN me because I’m the same color? As far as I’m concerned, I may be the same color, but every other possible trait is far from being similar.

  15. I have to agree, with the post above Rainer! I was adopted and Im black and my family is white~I have always got the snickers stares and few people that are so bold as to say~it isnt right!!
    However in my AMBW relationship we always get the coldest stare downs and snickers from Asian women who are walking hand in hand or with their interracial white family. Thats right, AW with a WM give us the nastiest stares. Never had the dangling parts to say anything like BM. The BM in LBC who were not because of their race but actions where pretty uneducated and closed minded shouted similar dissaproving comments; assuming Im with my ANh for the moolla. However I think caving in isnt an option but i will say that sometimes all the paparazzi noies can really “Rain on your Parade” ~ meh were from Seattle ~we can hang!

    O BTW: CeeCee
    I refer to myself as an educated white female sometimes. I happen to know a lot of utterly stupid white people. Also, people aren’t “blacks”, they are black people. It’s a description of color, not another species.


  16. A lot of men (and women) don’t like it when members of the opposite sex date outside their race. Black women don’t like to see black men with white women. Asian men don’t like to see Asian women with other men. White men don’t like to see white women with other men… and the list goes on.

    • As an Asian man that prefers non-Asian women, I could care less that the non-Asian men take all the Asian women, because that means more non-Asian women available for me! Doesn’t affect me in any way whatsoever.

  17. You are right about it almost being like a celebrity…. without the perks. I get a few looks when I’m with my Korean husband in Australia but get a lot more when we are in Korea as it’s more unusual there. We don’t really have any problems with Korean guys or girls, or Australian girls, of course it’s only white Australian men who cause problems. Some get quite angry and agitated at seeing a white girl with an Asian guy and there have been some stupid comments. It’s ridiculous, if I wasn’t with my husband I sure as hell wouldn’t be with a guy like them!

    • @Nic:

      Which Australian state are you in? I am an Asian-Australian guy who grew up with mostly white friends, and so far I’ve only been encouraged and egged on by my peers (even by random males at clubs) to go after white girls who they know I’ve shown an interest in. Luckily I’ve yet to have negative encounters so that’s why I found it odd those incidents have happened to you.

      Just from my own personal observation, compared to other non-Asian men it seems Anglo-Celtic Aussie guys seem to be more chilled and the least possessive about women of their own kind. Of course I could be wrong and it depends on whether the area has a predominantly bogan/ocker presence. What were the comments like from those jealous white Australian men? In what setting? How did your Korean husband defend the both of you in such cases?

      • I’m in NSW, mostly I’m in Sydney but my home town is a much more rural area so unfortunately exposed to a lot more bogan types- though it has happened in Sydney as well. There are sometimes a few comments as we walk past which aren’t worth dealing with. He has also has had the very horrible “ching chong chinaman” yelled at him in my hometown. The other type of comments are from guys who are acquaintances or previous flatmates who interrogate me about why I’m with an Asian man as if it’s not a good thing. I’ve found these guys to usually be over 30 whereas I’ve never had a problem from younger white guys. I do think the younger generation are a lot more open and relaxed.

        • You probably already know this, Kevin Rudd’s daughter is married to a Chinese-Australian. She and her husband are expecting a baby soon I believe.

  18. Hey dumbass Filipino, the filth of Asia. Go clean your beach and get some culutred before pretending to be sophisticated.

  19. I am a BW dating a WM. Most of the stares I get are of interest or curiosity, not necessarily hate or anger. I have noticed many comments about onlookers. If you are in an IR relationship, don’t mind the looks because the majority of people are simply interested. Cheers!

  20. Asian men dont like white women, hispanic women, black women and everyone except themselves and asian women.. we are Em asian womz and Asian wimminz have ours,, Asian women are our partner for 2000years/century and History,, Black womz & white wimi are NOTHING.!!!!!

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