A New Kind Of Man – The Rise Of Asian Men In Interracial Relationships

Ahhh, remember the good ole’ days of High School? A time for friendships, getting into trouble and… racial and romantic insecurities?

When I was 15 I was in a long-distance relationship with a half-Japanese half-Filipino girl who I thought I was in love with. Little did I know that while she was in 50 miles away playing on the basketball team, and I was at home cheering her on, she had been seeing another guy behind my back. And not just any guy, he was a douchey white guy.

I was confused. I didn’t even know she was into those kinds of guys. Soon after, I started to notice every other girl in my circle of friends boarding the train to “we love white boys” express. Next thing I knew, Asian girls were saying shit like “sorry, I only date White guys” or “ewww, that is soo Asian.” What the hell?! What is going on?! I have so many questions and I need answers, damnit!


Uhhhh…. okay? NEXT VIDEO!

Ahh shit! They’re everywhere! Quick, Asian guys, hide at your local Gamestop! When these videos came out six years ago coupled with the white boy virus plaguing every Asian girl in the school, it dawned on me: us Asian guys are fucked. If Asian girls won’t date us, what the hell are we gonna do? We sure as hell don’t stand a chance dating white girls, and we can FORGET about even LOOKING at black girls! BUDDHA, WHYY?!?!!?

But as I look back six years ago and contrast it to now, it’s quite remarkable. Sure, tons of Asian women still date white guys as if there’s a shortage of them, but Asian guys have definitely made some changes and cultivated their dating habits. Nowadays, I see Asian male + non-Asian female couples all over the damn place: in the mall shopping for baby clothes, at the restaurant drinking martinis and on Youtube being TOTES ADORABLE vlogs.

If Asian men were purchasable on the stock market I’d say “BUY! BUY! BUY!” because damn, we are tearin’ it up on the dating game. It’s almost like we sat down one day, scratched our head and realized, “oh snap, I’M AWESOME!” So why the change? What the hell happened within he span of six years? Did we sprout a 3rd testicle that feeds us a constant stream of confidence? Or was it something else?

You see, Asian-American men and Asian-American women are not created equal in this country. Though we share many of the same stereotypes and racial jokes, the expectations that we do not have in common are ultimately the ones that have created this change. In the US, Asian-Americans have roughly three options when it comes to fitting in:

Wanna read the article she wrote that caused a SHITSTORM? Click the picture

1. ) We can act “White” –  shop at Abercrombie and Fitch/Urban Outfitters, listen to Kings of Leon/Dubstep and attend Coachella while wearing daisy chains in our hair.

We can act “Black” – shop at Supreme and wear fitted caps, listen to underground hip-hop and join a group of choreographed hip-hop dancers.

We can act “Asian” – shop at Yesstyle.com and wear K-POP inspired outfits, listen to Utada Hikaru and join chatrooms and forums where you talk to other Asians about anime while learning how to make various emoticons (◕‿◕✿)

Now, given that there are an endless supply of Asian Men and Women who fit in category three and act Asian, we can start to break down the two groups and understand things a bit more. More often than not and despite the occasional Asian B-Girl, Asian-American women tend to act white. This is easy for them because for some reason, White girls love hanging out with Asian girls and Allah already knows that White guys would sell their baby on the black market to get a chance to be with an Asian chick. For Asian girls, white is right! White is home and ya know what? That’s alright with me! How are things lookin’ for my Asian brothers?

Asian men on the other hand tend to go the opposite way and they identify with a lot of Black culture. Most break dancers are Asian guys, Asian guys love underground hip-hop, if they sing they love to sing R&B classics and most of all, they consistently feel at odds with white culture. “But Ranier, what the hell does that mean? Not all Black people like hip-hop! YOU RACIST CHINK!”

Okay, hear me out for a second: you see, like a lot of Blacks men, Asian men just don’t feel included in white culture. We aren’t represented in their politics, their television shows or their music, so how can we relate? There are countless Asian men who have lived in predominantly white neighborhoods and have been bullied and teased all their lives for being Asian. So, naturally, as an ethnic minority they look for the closest ethnic minority that they can look up to as a role model. This is why Black men play an important role. Black Men have provided Asian men with a template for how to fit in with the rest of society. If we can learn to dance like them, sing like them and dress like them, we too can fit in. Like Pinocchio trying desperately to be a real boy, we wanted to become a real man.

And so we did. We realized that things needed to change so we learned to dress better, dance slicker and talk smoother.

Looking at it like this makes it seem all the more beautiful. To know that through the oppression of White culture on Asian Men, we have evolved into a hybrid of cultures and identities. Instead of laughing along with all the racist Asian jokes and acting like it was okay, we decided to open our mouths and say “enough.” We rejected the expectations of the nerdy, shy, socially awkward and dickless Asian boy and grew into something so fucking beautiful it makes me wanna cry tears of pure soy sauce.

Now that we’ve grown into something better, we’ve finally realized that we also deserve better. We don’t need to sit around waiting for Asian women to come around and “give us a chance,” we can simply turn to the right and talk to someone else: someone Black, someone Cuban or someone Greek. For once, we finally feel like we have options in our romantic lives and even better, women like you, my loyal readers, are talking back and saying that you want us too – and that helps even more.

Meet Jason and Kristen – An AMBW couple and fans of my blog! WOOHOO! If you have pictures of your own interracial relationship, SEND THEM TO ME!! 😀

Why Does This Matter To You?

“What am I doing with my life? Why am I not dating an Asian guy yet?!”

Now is the time for Asian Men to rise up and succeed. We are starting to see more and more Asian males join professional sports, the music and entertainment industry and more importantly, Asian men who feel a renewed sense of confidence to be all of the above. You say I’m a nerd? Well guess what? I’m a nerd with a college degree, a high paying job and a smokin’ hot girlfriend! Within the ensuing years we will all witness a huge shift in Asian men broadening their horizons, reaching for different careers, attaining massive wealth and making a name for themselves in the world. And as women who enjoy dating them, you can help us to redefine an entire community of men looking for something greater in this world. We’re trying to become better men, and we would love to stand atop of the world, side-by-side with a woman like you.

So to all my Asian brothers, rise up, grab your balls, say it loud and say it proud:


“For once in my life I have someone who needs me
Someone I’ve needed so long
For once, unafraid, I can go where life leads me
And somehow I know I’ll be strong”

38 thoughts on “A New Kind Of Man – The Rise Of Asian Men In Interracial Relationships

  1. I love this post. I wish some Asian girls wouldn’t be so ignorant when it comes to guys of their own culture. It seems as though they allow media to influence how they feel about Asian men instead of forming the opinion themselves. This of course isn’t just Asian women, but black women and Latina women as well.

    It’s more than just the race of the person, but the interests,drive and content of a person’s character. A lot of our media is controlled by powerful, rich white men so it’s no wonder minorities think this way about themselves and people of their own cultures.

    For a long time I allowed myself to think white guys for me because i let the media influence how i saw men of my own culture(Cuban) and guys of my race(black). I’m not saying that they’re not for me but I’ve noticed from the guys I’ve dated minority men always understood me more and know more of the struggle of what it feels like feel like you’re at the bottom of the totem pole.

    I’ve yet to date an Asian guy but I’m reserving that time when I can get close enough to Jay Park XD or Justin Nozuka

  2. I’m asian and my husband is white. I don’t completely agree with you on the topic but i do appreciate the humor in which it was presented. I come from a large Vietnamese family and I love the fact that I have my culture and my community. My husband, although he is caucasian, is understanding and at times more “asian” than me. I don’t discriminate when it comes to dating and have never had any qualms against dating an asian man. I believe it has to do more with your ethics, morals, emotional intelligence, goals, and desires which bring two people together…and not so much physical appearance. Because beauty fades with a terrible personality. If you ever decide to come to Houston, stop by our business, Chic Lash Boutique and we will be sure to explain more to you 🙂

    J. Ngo

  3. Reblogged this on Skinny Girl in a Curvy World and commented:
    *WARNING: Profanity is used throughout the following blog. Do not proceed if you are easily offended by such language.*
    I’ve been following “The Love Life of an Asian Guy” since the beginning of the year thanks to a cyber-friend of mine who just so happens to be living in Germany via Alabama. Never have I looked forward to reading new material from a blogger mainly because I don’t think many have mastered their skills in conveying their thoughts well enough to connect with the intended audience; but this guy has. His witty sense of humor is what keeps me impatiently waiting for more. (If only he would write more often!) This is his latest post, which is set to encourage asian men like him to not only step outside of their comfort zones of the cultural/social norms when it comes to dating, but to breakdown the stereotypes society erroneously places on them. As someone who is a part of a minority group herself, I completely understood the direction of this post. And enjoyed every single line of it.

  4. I really love your blogs! Can’t go wrong with informative truth with a side of humor. The vids on this piece were funny but I particularly relate to the Cali/TX couple. I am white from TX and my man is Filipino from Cali…so I ❤ that adorbs couple. Haha! Oh and I just HAD to say…I have ALWAYS been on the Asian "bandwagon" WAY before it was ever hip. IMO you guys have ALWAYS had it going on long before everyone started thinking it was cool. Haha! Thanks for the truth stems, keep on preaching! 😉

  5. Great post! I agree completely with everything that was written, I’ve always been interested in Asian men but was under the belief that they wouldn’t date outside their race so I never pursued or showed my interest for fear of hearing the “I don’t date white girls”. A few years ago I actually began to hear and see why a lot of Asian guys didn’t date outside their race and began to just show interest in ones I’d meet. I dated a few different Asian guys and then eventually met the great guy that I’m in a relationship with now. I will gladly tell any woman that ever tries to limit what ethnicity she dates that she needs to broaden her interests. So Asian guys keep up the confidence and keep going for what you know you deserve.

  6. Pingback: Early Summer in Seattle | Woof Woof

  7. I really liked this post!!! No mind boggling comment to say, just that I am a black woman married to and having the baby of my Chinese husband!!! I didn’t choose him because he is Chinese, life kinda chose to put us together and my life has never been better! I get comments from these Vietnamese women here and other races in America who try to lump him into a category of having a small p3#!&…they seem to think all Asian men (from China) are created equal….sorry to disappoint them but they are very wrong! I agree with the author of this blog….Asian men are breaking out of the old customs of Chinese culture and marrying “for love”NOT for the expectation of their families and ancestors!

    • Hun, I wish I could find these Asian men, lol. I love Asian men but well I have no luck in love. Maybe because i teach in the scenic suburbs aka the boonies. I did see a guy walk his water buffalo though.

  8. I grew up in the Northeast where there weren’t many Asians in my Middle and High Schools. I moved to Honolulu and then San Francisco and quickly realized that I had more in common with Asians than I did with the white people I grew up with in the Boston suburbs. I didn’t set out to date Chinese men exclusively, but I did for a very long time. I met my husband, who is also Asian at a holiday party. We were married 6 months later, that was a decade ago. He is an incredible person who works hard to protect and provide for us. He is my lover, best friend, confidant. I’m very blessed to have him.

  9. I think so much of these changes are related to globalisation and web. Everything is so accessible now, from dating habits to cultural leanings. Bad habits are exposed very quickly. It takes an extremely brave group of people not to respond to negative feedback. I guess that’s what Asian men have done really, they’ve read the signs and adapted.

  10. Many white women already date Asian men. The focus should be on Hispanic, Middle Eastern, and Black women.

    I see many AMWF relationships.

    When I tell Asian men I like Asian men, they still get shocked. Idk why… And they tell me stuff like, “you like Asian men?!” “Wow, I never knew Latinas liked Asian men.” Most Asian guys don’t even bother talking to anyone other than white or Asian.

    When I date an Asian guy, I am usually their first Latina.

    I am currently with a Korean man and we are both really happy with eachother. 🙂

  11. White girl engaged to a korean man. For some reasons, I ALWAYS knew that my husband would be asian. I was fascinated by the asian culture since I was a child. Why? I have no idea. I liked the culture. The more I learned about the asian culture, the more I liked it.

    Asian men have what I look for. The way they are, the way they think…everything

    I’ve dated white guys. My Korean fiance is my first asian boyfriend and he will be my last one.

    Because once you date an asian man, you’re done looking for something else!

  12. I give mad props to the article. Well done! However one tiny flaw. Yes a lot of Asian guys can dance their butt off but nothing’s better than the original.

  13. Good blog but the part about Asian guys identifying with black culture doesn’t make sense at all. Some Asian guys listen to hip hop and break dance when they’re younger, but the vast majority identify with white or Asian culture. I listened to hip hop for a few years when I was in high school and college, but now I listen to rock. I think what you’re seeing as a rebellious phase. Most of the Asian guys I know do not listen to hip hop.

    As for dating white women, I’ve never done it. I find some of them attractive, but the differences in culture keep me away. Asians are very family oriented, while many whites seem to hate their families or can’t stand being around them. Another thing is the food. Except for Sushi, most white women do not like Asian food. I have to have my rice or noodles at least 3 times a week. Then there’s the high divorce rate among whites. I don’t know any Asian couples that divorced. I’m not saying they never get divorced, but it is rare. More than half the white people I know from work have been divorced at least once if not more often. This goes back to being family oriented.

    That’s my 2 cents from a 75% Americanized Asian guy.

  14. Now if only you can make a blog post to help those people that are having trouble finding an Asian to hook up with actually find one.
    P.S: Im black (Skin is brown though)

  15. Where is my Asian lover where can he be? I want to feel his soul inside of me. I want his very essences i want his very being all over me. I want him to be addicted like something strange and wicked i want him inside of me and when we become old and gray our love will never change as. I never want this fire to die im more then a concubine .

    My blood flows through my body my breath is privilage i come from royalty and will be treated accordingly

  16. I am a white woman who is married to a Korean man, and when I say Korean, I mean Korean, not Korean American. He’s the most wonderful person I’ve ever met, regardless of race. I find more east asian men sexually attractive than others, but I do find black, latino, asian, american indian, indian, etc men sexy. Of course, looking at a photo of an actor and meeting someone in real life is completely different. Love happens in regards to the way someone treats women and how someone makes them feel more than how they look.

  17. I’m a young white woman and to be honest, I don’t think asian men are attractive at all. I find white men and some hispanic-looking men (Cristiano Ronaldo anyone?) to be very attractive and hot, but that’s it. I grew up in a huge-diverse city (chicago), so it’s not like I haven’t been exposed to different races of men. Most of my girlfriends have the same preferences as me too (they only like white men). I also wanted to say that I couldn’t help but notice you keep referring to “white culture.” There is no such thing. In America there is the mainstream culture, and then every racial minority has their own culture which caters to themselves almost exclusively. White people don’t, what is ours is supposed to belong to everybody. We are the only people in america without an ethnocentric culture catering to ourselves. And I can’t recall the last time I saw some asian characters on BET or in hip-hop, so you should be more sensitive when blaming white people…..it comes off as racism in disguise to me.

    • Everybody has their preferences. There are plenty of white, Asian, Hispanic, and black guys who don’t think white women are attractive. Some people love redheads and some would never date one.

      It should be nobody’s business as long as you show respect to those who show respect to you.

    • I’m a Korean who was born in America and raised in Chicago. I’ve always believed there is no white culture. Maybe I’m not as young as you, though. http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/. A white guy my age said that America/white people don’t have a culture. And a few years ago, an older friend of mine said “white” was an ethnicity. I was amazed to learn that. After becoming an adult and leaving home and having white roommates, I realized… there really IS a white culture. Maybe it’s super various and stuff, but the point is, is that every culture is different, yes, even white culture. Ask other Asians or any other ethnic person outside of a white person if white people have a different culture. They really do :). It’s true many people of ethnic minorities really did grow up wondering how to fit in and trying to figure out their identity as Americans.
      My mom loves learning things about how white people think and what they say (she was raised in Korea).

    • LOL but your twitter says otherwise. Insecure white guy detected. Which makes sense because why would a white chick not interested in asian guys commentate here?

      • Lol I know, right? “Steph” aka “Chris Granzow XI.” If you look at his Twitter page it’s all full of right wing propaganda too. Probably not the first time he’s done this. Why so jealous bro?

  18. it’s NOT the Asian Androgens, it’s the MONEY that the Asian century is bringing gold digging women of ALL races, but especially White women to them ! SORRY TO BURST YR BUBBLE !

  19. Hey man hmmmm what can I say I am sorry to hear about your past. I had similar experience. Maybe that commenter Steph is right, she just doesn’t like asian guys. Maybe we are just too different, you know……..

    Hahahahah no no, the past is the past I enjoyed reading your post. Now here is the real issue, are asian girls who don’t date asian men, the enemy here. You are quiet hostile to them. Albeit some do deserve it for opening putting asian guys, but then there are some really nice couples like that chiclash girl below. But compare to some other extreme bitter asian guys your post is not that bad.

    That’s how for me to say, laters

  20. I love Asian guys- tall, muscular, and sexy. Seriously I stalk them at the gym in Irvine, CA. Oh, and I’m a white chick.

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