VLOG: Q&A #2 – Non-Asian Girls Who ONLY Date Asian Men: Good or Bad?

The more I get into this VLOGGING business, the more I start to see it as a viable option to run side-by-side with this main blog. You see, this site is for the long, drawn out thoughts that need time and energy. Broad topics that I feel the need to talk about in detail whereas these VLOGs will come as side dishes aka banchan aka appetizers. Let me know what yall think! LET ME KNOW, DAMNIT!


14 thoughts on “VLOG: Q&A #2 – Non-Asian Girls Who ONLY Date Asian Men: Good or Bad?

  1. I only date Asian men, I won’t completely dismiss a guy if he’s not Asian but i wouldn’t actively peruse a non Asian man. I think I’m the “good kind” but i do have to say when i refer to Asian culture, i include things like respecting their family and being hard workers because those are behaviours i find more common in Asian men rather than any others I have dated.
    Also i do just find myself more physically attracted to Asian men rather than say, my own race and you have to find somebody physically attractive to have a successful relationship with them right?

    • No. Looks fade then what? You need to make sure they also have your same values, goals, how you see life. Because after a while looking at them will get old no matter how pretty you think they are. Are you going to stay with someone just cause you are physically attracted to them, but they don’t work or contribute in any way?

      • I didnt say it was ONLY because of physical attraction, Of course looks cant be the only thing attracting you to a person but in my experience there has to be physical attraction on top of the other things you find attractive in a person to make it work. How is a female saying she prefers the way asian men look any different to a male saying he prefers blonde, tall or spanish women? It’s just the cherry on top of the cake. Everyone has a certain look they are attracted to, mine is asian men but he still has to have other qualities i like, no matter how gorgeous i think he is.

  2. I think keeping a realistic perspective on attraction to any race is important or whatever relationship you find yourself in will end poorly if you date someone for just physically attraction reason. Yes, I find myself physically attracted to Asians but really it all depends on the man himself. How does he carry himself? How are his conversation skills? What does he find important in his life? How does he define himself? These things are much more important than the pigment of one’s skin because that will get old real quick if you aren’t on the same wave length. I want a man for who he is not for who he is. Yes, physical attraction is a big percent in the initial meeting but means nothings once he opens his mouth and begins to speak. (just my opinion)

  3. Extremes are not healthy…”only your own race, only that specific race, only that food, only that….” only(s) `+ too much = not healthy. I think we can apply this to almost everything in life…from ….”healthy” food to dating!

  4. It also depends on your life experience. If your own race has treated you very poorly, I can see a person not wanting to date someone of their own race.(I was) Also something to take into consideration, is how a person was raised. If a person was raised in a town where interracial relationships were forbidden, that might make that person only want to date a particular race.(That is an example of a really bad reason to date somebody. That’s not why I date outside my race.). However dating someone ONLY because they are Asian, Black, White, or Latino shows that they do not respect the person they are dating at all. It is extremely shallow to date someone just because they look a certain way. Some people date people outside of the race for the right reasons. For example, they met a cute Asian guy in their British lit class, and they happen to both be interested in British lit.(School is a safe place to met men in general. better than in bars.) As Rainer stated in his video it is a bad thing to date an Asian man just because is Asian. That would be like an Asian man dating a girl just because she was blond and was a cheerleader. Both of those examples are shallow. Reasons that a girl should date an Asian man (keep in mind this opinion is from the Asian men I have met), 1.The respect women, and are gentle. 2. They respect their parents. 3. They let you be yourself. Reasons not to date an Asian man, 1. The girl has an Asian fetish (yes girls can have fetishes too, though not as common as men) 2. The girl has an obsession with anime, (anime does not depict a healthy human body) 3. The girl only dates Asian men because it makes her parents mad. Those are my thoughts on the issue.

  5. First of all I don’t seee why anyone should say someone’s presonal preferencee in the guys they are attracted to bad. You can’t change a person just because you don’t like how they are. Its their life, their choices. And second of all I think its a good thing because you know what you want in life and you will be happy that way.

  6. I think its wrong to say that all Asian men are modest, have a sense of respect, have traditional values etc. They are all different and you cannot categorize them. Yes, I find myself more physically attracted to Asian men, but that does not mean that I would dismiss any other race (e.g. if some hot Asian guy had the personality of a prick, it would be a huge turn-off.)The inner qualities of a person are just as important.

  7. I don’t know. I’ve always been facinated by asian culture as far as I can remember. Which make me feel a little akward when it say my preferences because I feel people think I’m attracted to asians only because they are asians, if fact that’s what they think, they just don’t take me seriously -.-‘ *sight*. I fact, I found myself to simply be more attracted to foreign guy, asians included, than local guy. First of all, they simply look more attractive to me, I don’t know why. Second, it’s also because the guys from where I come from tend to have the kind of attitude I really hate (no respect, macho attitude, etc). But i’m fully aware that there is jerk everywhere and all my ex where not asians lol. Am I on the good or bad side? hum, don’t know:/

  8. For me, and in my own experience, I used to think in the bad way. However, after doing some growing up and actually interact with people outside my home, I realized the reason why I’ve PREFERRED Asian men (even though I didn’t mind dating other races as well) is because I find some of them pleasing to the eye, I loved their company, I loved their personalities, and I especially love the fact they respect their elders, they respected me, and actually listen to me.

    That’s when I realized that not all Asian men are a singular monolith and should be treated as a human being. Even though my boyfriend isn’t that traditional as his brother and parents are, he’s still very respectful to me and I love him for who he is.🙂

  9. I am going to have to disagree with Ranier on this one. Asian men are all individual human beings. Sure, some of them do share traits that he described like modesty, respecting women etc but plenty of them do NOT. I take each man as an individual guy and don’t assume he is all full of filial piety just because he’s Asian. Assuming you know someone’s values just because you know their race…. that’s racist.

    Now, I don’t see anything wrong with liking specific physical features. If you are physically attracted to men with a specific kind of eye shape, I don’t think that’s wrong- as long as you require him to also be a good person with commonalities you share.

    • /Rant
      This post makes me think of something I really dislike, and it’s the pressure put on women to choose dudes they aren’t physically attracted to. Some men have a real problem with women even considering a man’s appearance when she is choosing a mate. {I don’t think Ranier is fully on that tip, because he has made comments in other posts that don’t support this concept, but this post reeks of it.} Some guys really push this idea onto women that only one aspect of a man should be considered by a woman, be it his charming personality, the strength of his love for the woman, his willingness to work a 9-5 or whatever other criteria. This is a way to control women’s sexuality.

      Men have a vested interest in pressuring women to choose men who aren’t up to scratch, to increase their own odds of getting access. So they pressure us to date guys we aren’t physically attracted to because he has a kind heart or whatever (and then are enraged when the woman has no desire for sex with that man) or guys who are as old as Methusela just because he pays the mortgage every month.

      When men choose a woman, the overwhelming majority of them only focus on the woman’s youth and beauty- period. Try asking kind-hearted but morbidly obese girls about how often men “see past” their appearance. And as women get older men won’t even think about considering them as partners. Men routinely choose women who are total bitches, open golddiggers or pathologically slutty- so long as he likes her body. Then the guys are shocked and appalled when that woman cheats, uses him or screams at him! After seeing men operate this way day after day for millenia throughout time, it irks me for them to all of a sudden get holier-than-thou about not going by appearances.

      How does this relate to the post, you ask? I’ll tell you. Yes, I like the incredibly soft, smooth skin that seems to be found only in Asian guys. It feels amazing. Why would I willingly choose a guy who lacks a trait that gives me more pleasure? Having perfect skin and having a nice personality are not mutually exclusive. I can and have found guys who have soft skin AND are smart, funny etc. I also like Asian men’s unique sexy eyes. Why shouldn’t I choose a guy who has them? I can’t find an awesome guy who also has gorgeous eyes? Yes, I can, I have and I will continue to do that.

      I, for one, like being honest about my reasons for only dating Asian guys. After all, plenty of hideous/fat/elderly men have kind hearts, but I’m NOT going to date those men. You think if I had a bunch of wrinkles or gained 200lbs those men would want me? Lol. Nope. So I’ll keep on telling the truth and a guy who can’t accept that can just keep walking.

  10. Don’t date a guy just for his culture. This is too broad. Asian culture is broad. Can’t people just like people individually. If you are a girl and a guy approaches you how often do you go in depth into the culture part on your 1st date. And too many Asians that grew up here have little culture from their homeland. I guess it’s too late for this post now. The culture excuse doesn’t work on me anymore. I rather you tell me you are attracted to my personality or something

  11. This response was originally intended for another article (http://www.gayguys.com/2014/12/preferring-date-one-race-another-makes-racist/), but I think it’s an appropriate response for this video, as well. because it addresses the video’s assertion that having an aesthetic preference for Asian guys is one of the “bullshit” reasons for preferring to date them.

    Two Disclaimers:

    1) This is not an attempt to innoculate myself against diagnoses of “yellow fever,” or to defend titles of nobility, such as “rice queen.” I accept these labels with bemusement and can do so without embracing their more pejorative connotations. Instead, my preferences are used only as examples from my own experience to counter a fallacious argument.

    2). Unsolicited “TLDR” ‘s are redundant and unhelpful. So please spare me that sort of tedium. ANYWHO:

    Physical attraction is an irrational, subjective, largely arbitrary phenomenon. There are plenty of assholes out there who wouldn’t date a black/asian/white person because they harbor racial animus against them. But this does not mean, as the author implies, that in ::any:: and ::every:: instance in which someone comes to realize that they’re mainly attracted to members of a particular race or set of races, that person is by default a fucking racist. I reject this self-pitying argument entirely. For one thing, it would mean I’m racist against white people. Which is patently absurd. But it has other problems, too.

    The author misses (or willfully ignores) a relevant point: people who prefer to date particular races are often doing so on the basis of physical attributes that are more or less common among (but hardly exclusive to) many members of that race. Unfortunately some people cannot appreciate the distinction between a) being attracted to certain sets of physical features that are often present or co-occur within races and b) crude unsavory stereotyping (Jew noses, BBC’s, etc.). Nonetheless, my preference to fuck and/or date Asian guys is an aesthetic one. It has nothing to do with the sorts of unfair assumptions or generalizations the author insists I must have made.

    For example, my attraction to Asians isn’t contingent on some illogical congruence of 1) My preferences (I love power bottoms) and 2) An unfounded assumption (all Asians are power bottoms). Similarly, my realization that I’m generally not physically attracted to black guys doesn’t result from an undue association between my 1) Self-awareness (knowing that I’m pretty effeminate) and 2) An erroneous assumption (most black guys prefer/demand more “masculine” guys).

    More generally, one’s preferences for particular races need not be based on some “non-physical, socially constructed, cultural” aspect of a given race. My two ex boyfriends are both Asian, and both are polar opposites in terms of personality traits, upbringing, and cultural/moral values. I don’t prefer Asian guys “because all Asians [fill in the blank].” I prefer them because in general I’m more physically attracted to them. And, amazingly, I can say this and somehow still appreciate that artificial, monolithic racial categories, such as “white,” “black,” or “Asian,” obscure an enormous amount of diversity.

    Additionally, none of the above dynamics need have a particular directionality. They can be expressed by a white person with respect to blacks. Or a black person with respect to Asians. Or a brown person with respect to whites. In other words, these preferences do not necessarily align with pre-existing, common racial biases or power structures. They also don’t necessarily arise, as the author suggests, from inadequate exposure to/unfamiliarity with the race in question. I grew up around mostly white people and only a handful of Asian folks. I’m plenty familiar with my fellow crackers. Yet they still (somehow, incredibly) lose out to other races.

    By now I hope we see that these preferences can arise independently of 1) unfair assumptions and generalizations about an entire race and 2) apart from instances of power imbalance, in which a member of a more privileged race is averse to members of a more insular or oppressed minority. Therefore, I reject the author’s contention that race-based preferences in cases of physical attraction/dating are ::necessarily:: more insidious than other, similarly arbitrary ones.

    And let’s not forget the key word here: PREFERENCES. The author assumes that anyone who exhibits preferences for one race or another ::must:: be making sweeping generalizations and ::must:: be racist. This, in my experience, is unfounded. It is just as closed-minded to categorically reject all tall, heavy, orange-haired, or blue-eyed people as it is to reject all members of a given race. That is to say: it’s unfortunate that anyone would preclude even the ::possibility:: of finding love and happiness with another person due to characteristics that are both 1) largely beyond their control and, more importantly 2) completely unrelated to that person’s character or emotional compatibility.

    That’s why I have no patience for people on Grindr or Jackd who openly and preemptively reject ::any:: person in this way (e.g., “masc-only,” “fems need not apply,” “only into blacks and latinos,” “whites only,” etc, etc). It would be much better to withhold those hurtful disclaimers in order to at least give people an opportunity to address you. Can you imagine if we all wore signs like that on our tshirts at the bar or club? If you wouldn’t do it there, then it’s probably not OK online.

    But back to PREFERENCES. Some folks who responded to the article even claimed that “nobody said [having them] makes you a racist.” Really?! It’s almost as if its title wasn’t “Why preferring to date one race over another makes you a racist.” Nope, definitely nobody is saying this (racist) sentiment makes you a racist. Except the author of the article up for discussion.

    Since preferences are 1) by definition not absolutes, and 2) can be shown not to require sweeping generalizations, power imbalances, or explicit animus, we should reject the author’s sanctimonious assertion that having them makes us racists by default.

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