What You Should Learn From The Racism Against Lorde/James Lowe

I think I’ve come to a point in time where racist tweets, journalism, and overall bigotry isn’t just common, it’s expected. I’ve learned to accept the fact that as an Asian-American in the 21st century we are not welcome at the table of America. We do not sit at the same table, we do not eat the same food, and we certainly don’t go back home and share the same stories. Our narrative is different because our experiences are different. We are different because America makes us feel like we are.

But one of the beauties of being a minority is that although we sit on different sides of the room, away from the rest of white America, we can relate to the struggles of our Asian brothers and sisters from afar: UK, Canada, Germany, Australia, and anywhere else we’ve managed to call home. And although our problems may be different in many ways (job discrimination, racially motivated violence, racist media) we all feel a connection of pain.

So when I read the news about James Lowe, boyfriend of New Zealand singer-songwriter Lorde, being the target of racist tweets, I felt compelled to say something. “So…” you may ask, “what’s the big deal?”

If you’re reading this, chances are you’re a non-Asian woman that has a penchant for Asian Men. You love us when we’re nerdy and awkward, and you swoon when we’re ripped and sophisticated. So how should you feel about this Lorde/James Lowe issue?

You see, interracial dating is actually much easier than people think. The problem is rarely you or him. The biggest problem seems to be other people. If you’re dating an Asian guy now or look forward to finding one in the future, you need to understand that you will eventually come across racist shit like this. You will walk down that street and people will shout, “you need a real man!” or “why are you with him?!” Your boyfriend will be passive-aggressively teased by relatives who say, “are you Chinese? Can you do Kung Fu? Haha!” And even if you’re big and famous like Lorde, your boyfriend will not be off limits. If anything being popular will encourage more of that bigotry.

So my advice to you is this: expect the oblivious men and women that will make stupid comments about you and your relationship. Know how to deal with it by standing up and shouting, “YEA, my boyfriend is Asian. We’re also sleeping together. WHAT ABOUT IT?!” I’m not too sure if Lorde has addressed the racism but I can only hope that she does. And if it ever happens to you, you need to prove that you’re a woman worth fighting for by being the woman that fights for him.

It’s bad enough that Asians don’t get any breaks or support from the public when we are ridiculed and harassed, but you? His girlfriend? His fiance? You need to fill that gap. And if you can manage to be this brave, this loving, this supportive, I can assure your Asian boyfriend will always have a seat for you at his table.

Please, especially if you’re a non-Asian WOMAN, you need to speak up against this shit. You need to be the counteractive voice to these idiotic children. Write something, post something, or share this. You say you like Asian culture? Then voice your opinions.

21 thoughts on “What You Should Learn From The Racism Against Lorde/James Lowe

  1. Ultimately, I don’t think it has anything to do with what she allegedly said about some no-talent tweenyboppers. If she hadn’t (and evidence suggests she didn’t), they’d have found some other excuse to attack her for dating this guy. Why? Because Asian men are facing 200 years of systematic discrimination and bullying at the hands of the Western media and any Asian guy who snatches away a female prize, especially a celebrity female prize, is a threat to white male hegemony.

    Little boys have grown up hearing that white men are the paragons of masculinity. Little girls have grown up hearing about Prince Charming, who is conveniently pasty. It’s hard for guys to imagine why a girl would want someone they see as lower class, and it’s hard for girls to imagine why she wouldn’t want, oh, Ryan Gosling. And because it’s confusing and a threat to the status of white guys, that makes it excusable to trash the Asian.

    It’s sick. It’s pathetic. And fortunately it’s beatable: http://www.abcsofattraction.com/blog/white-male-privilege-in-dating-the-asian-mans-guide-to-winning-an-unfair-game/

    • it’s still pretty obvious that most white men in real life aren’t that attractive though. ask a woman of any race and they will tell you that. non-white men who are well above average in looks see themselves as superior to the majority of white men, and women will also realize that. if anyone gets their panties in a wad when an asian dates some “female prize”, it’s simply a reflection of their own insecurity and jealousy, and they can’t do anything about that

  2. I see them as visually equal in beauty /looks. I’ve dated Asian men and I have faced a few inquisitive questions in private about him or our relationship. Which I dealt with and I never mentioned to my guy. Thankful these pass friends had a little tack.

  3. I’m white, engaged to a Korean man and I wouldn’t change him to anyone else. Yes, I’m gonna marry him and we will have beautiful mixed babies.

    Whom we date is no one else’s concern.

    And if Lorde and James are happy, good for them. What gives people the right to judge? They should mind their own business.

  4. Really? People have nothing better to do than pick on seventeen year old and her boyfriend? If people form stereotypical ideas of the man I am with because he is Asian then I shudder to think of the backward ideas that exist in their head about me. I am really thankful I do not have socially inept people in my circle who would ask if someone knew kung fu because they are Asian because I do not think our friendship would survive that.

  5. Pingback: On the racism against AMWF couple Lorde and James Lowe | Speaking of China

  6. Many consider Yoko Ono as the most hated woman in the history of Rock n Roll. “How could John Lennon be attracted to that Asian slut?!” “She’s so UGLY!” “She’s a typical Asian GOLD DIGGER!” …. So, it happens to both Asian men and Asian women.

    Everyone should accept the fact that Asians are a huge part of the global community. They aren’t going away. In fact, Asian economies are going to rule the world. Live with it!

    PS. Wendy Deng is also one of the most hated women in business circles. She is often called a “typical Asian gold digger!”

  7. I know not every Americans are racist but many people in America behave toward foreigners differently, whether it’s Asians, Muslims, Africans and so on. This is sad. We live in the same world with them, share the same air, land, and water. We also live in same sky too. What makes us different?
    This behaviour created bad image of Americans. I am sorry.

  8. 21st century won’t change human nature. it’s terrible that he’s not being accepted because he doesn’t represent the ideal that the media promotes. Fact of the matter is, people who date those who are “perceived” as the bottom of the totem pole (although this label it’s nothing but a lie) will not be as accepted in society. I’m a black girl. I’ve been blessed to have parents who only care about me being HAPPY (can’t say the same about all of my family), but I’ve already been disrespected by black guys for my preference, the very guys who themselves felt free to date all kinds of women including AW and support each other for it.

    As for the comment about Yoko Ono the “most hated woman of rock n roll” this just doesnt compare to this. First off she is from another time, second she also got celebrated with time. She even had an album released as a tribute for her. Who really hates her today? She is remembered as the wife of a legend. In this era, WMAW may get heat just like all interracial couples, but they are the MOST ACCEPTED interracial combination of America and the bulk of western societies. In other words they get less heat than the rest. Did Lucy Liu and Julie Chen get that amount of flack for dating WM? You see this combination all the time in the media, and people even expect to see successful AW with WM and Jewish men. “Joy Luck Club”…oh gosh this movie disgusted me. Or more recently, who went to see the last Wolverine with Japanese actors? Am I the only one who saw the AM emasculation throughout this movie? The woman had to be super-tall, and wolverine abnormally muscular, and voila, the contrast with AM was impeccable. And don’t they even destroy his genitalia in a battle at the end?

    Asian guys in IRR get “Oh gosh, how the eff did that alien get this girl? WTF does she see in this loser??”, people cant wrap their minds around it. He is not perceived as a “real, real man” or husband material. When people found out Al Gore had a chinese son in law, oh the comments I read. Some even thought it was an “illegitimate chinese son from back when he went to Vietnam” (yeah I know, chinese son with a vietnamese…makes sense). They could not believe his daughter had married a chinese man, that’s how bad it is. I’m just sick of hearing how “others can relate, it happens to all couples” because that is dismissive, though that may not be the intention. All IRR couples don’t face the same issues. A BW dating interracially is not the same as a BM dating out. Same for AM compared to AW. There is a HIERARCHY OF ACCEPTANCE in society, let’s just be honest about that. All combinations don’t relate to each other. Sorry.

    • I would say she’s still pretty hated. If someone breaks up a group, they’re usually called the ‘Yoko Ono.’ She’s become the moniker for it.

      • I see. But just because it stayed in the language doesn’t mean people haven’t moved on. She’s more celebrated than hated at the end of the day.

  9. Until AM/WF becomes mainstream in society (and it never will, in my lifetime), there’s virtually no chance of AM/BF of becoming mainstream (and most of your posts are aimed at AM/BF couples).

  10. As a black woman who has dated Asian men I can tell you this crap is hurtful. My ex (who is the love of my young life) and I used to walked around NYC smiling and super happy. Me being 5’9 and him being 6’3 was a sight! And we would get happy and dirty looks. black girls called me a race traitor and Asian girls called him pathetic for wanting the “nigger”. 3 years together (his drinking ruined us an moving to Japan to help his father) and honestly I would do it again. When he returns, we are going to give it a go again and this time ignore all the haters.

    Lorde is a strong beautiful girl with a handsome guy. They are lovely together and I wish her all the best in this dog eat dog world. I just wished American whites (the ones who are racist and think they are better than others) would realize that at the end of the day we are all human. We may look different but all inside we are the same. We bleed the same and breed the same. we all have the same feelings and pains… I love being American for the things this country is SUPPOSE to represent… freedom and liberty for all….

    • Do you have a blog? Sorry if that’s weird to ask, I was just interested in reading more that you have to say since I can identify with a lot of what you said, and your gravatar doesn’t seem to link to a blog.

  11. Beauty is truly in the eye of the beholder. Bless her soul and her heart for being intimate with him regardless of the way he looks. Lorde is truly unique. I can’t imagine even the most desperate of women dating him. We love you Lorde and Lowe!

  12. I am white my fiance is korean and I work as cna and all I hear at work is how I need to sleep with a black man because asian men are weak any puny, I haveheard them cal him ugly to my face. I do stand up for him, but unless I say racist shit back its like it goes over there head, but usually tell them that ofcourse they need big black because they are loose whores to which cheong gyu think is so funny and true lol

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