The Main Reason Why Interracial Dating Is Taking So Long To Catch On

We 2014’ers all know the feeling.

You’re downloading something and the progress window pops up: 5 minutes remaining.

DA F*CK?! I DON’T HAVE TIME FOR THIS BULLSHIT!

Gaksital Kang To Crying

“HIGH SPEED INTERNET MY ASS!”

You stop the download, delete it, and spend another 20 minutes finding a faster download. But remember when you downloaded a SINGLE song from Napster and it took damn near a full day? Perhaps that’s the symptom of living a high-speed life: once you hit 90 mph you expect everything – from the time it takes to get an even, orange-julius shade skin tan to your quest to find 1-minute ramen noodles that cook in 55 seconds  – to go just as fast. Once you go fast, you can’t go back. Our impatience also extends beyond the microwave (the one in your kitchen and in the tanning salon) and into the world of Interracial Dating.

Every so often I’ll hear someone bicker about why Asian Men haven’t stepped and sped up in the American dating game. It’s like we’re in the Olympics of dating and love making and our coach, aka, society, is egging us on to flirt and fuck faster. “You call that a thrust?! THRUST THOSE PALE THINGS! THRUST! THRUST!”

"OH GOD! MY ASS IS CRAMPING! IS THIS NORMAL?!"

“OH GOD! MY ASS IS CRAMPING! IS THIS NORMAL?!”

Now, I could do to your brain what Anton Chigurh did to his victims’ foreheads in “No Country for Old Men” with my bare knowledge on why it’s taking Asian Men so long to step up their dating game, but I think we need to discuss an even bigger issue. One that I think is impacting the Interracial Dating progress of not only Asian Men, but Black Men and Women, and *gasp* White Men as well.

Time

700086-twd313_002351

Do you know how long it took to see an Asian guy get some action on T.V? DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY SLEEPLESS NIGHTS WE’VE WAITED?!

Perhaps you need a refresher but the legalization of Interracial Marriage via Loving v. Virginia happened just shy of 50 years ago. It’s been 50 years and we’re BARELY starting to see Interracial Relationships gain visibility in the media. And even in those instances there’s still hostility against a goddamn Cheerios commercial. So if we can’t even get a collective “hell yea!” for the poster-child of Interracial Dating in America (Black and White couples) then how the hell can we expect faster progress for Asian Men and Non-Asian Women (AMXF)? Why are we in such a rush to raise our crosses and crusade towards the “Asian Men need to man the f*ck up and start asking Black/White/Latina women out on dates” cause when we can’t even get Black and White couples comfortably settled in?

cheerios-meme

Now, this isn’t to say that we should get lazy and stop our push towards a better, more confident Asian Man who isn’t afraid to make some Blasian Super Babies by the dozens, but we should be patient. This isn’t an iTunes song we’re downloading, this is social, racial progress. We have made great strides within these past few years but it will take even more time. And that’s a reality many of us find difficult to digest. To know that, sometimes, progress in life will take much longer than the 5 minutes it takes to buffer Grand Theft Auto 5.

So be patient, my Asian Man-loving, Interracial Dating brothers and sisters. I want to see that Blasian Super Baby society just as bad as you do but we need to chill out and let time take its course. Hell, it might even take another ten, thirty, or fifty years.

But Ranier, what should I do till then?!”

THRUST! THRUST!

"Time to lube up!"

“Time to lube up!”

7 Reasons Why Arthur Chu Is Actually A Jeopardy-DOMINATING Money-Making BADASS!

The fact that you are reading this is a disgrace. How do you not know who Arthur Chu is?! Have you been living under a ro…

Oh…

Well, Arthur Chu is basically the Zeus God of Jeopardy and is making a KILLING with his use of game theory. He essentially says “fuck it” to the conventional way of playing Jeopardy and uses his Asian wizard powers to dominate and crush his opponents. Unfortunately, the racists have splashed from within the toilet bowl to spew their moronic, ignorant comments. But you know what? FUCK THAT! Arthur Chu is your dominatrix and your are his ball-gag-wearing bitch. Here are a few reasons why:

1. He’s not phased by Alex Trebek

Arthur Chu was never starstruck by Alex Trebek. In fact, after winning Jeopardy Arthur went to Trebek’s office, sat on his chair, and began eating a roast beef sandwich while Alex wiped the crumbs off his chest. Arthur does whatever he wants.

2. Arthur Chu = the Villain from James Bond: Goldeneye, Odd Job

Arthur Chu inspired the character of Odd Job due to his ruthlessness and intelligence. Correction: Odd Job was the CHILDREN’S version of Arthur Chu because once, Arthur Chu bit off a man’s bicep because he accidentally sneezed in Arthur’s way.

Lesson learned.

3. He’s Pretty Much The Mark Zuckerberg of Jeopardy

After his fourth consecutive win on Jeopardy, Arthur totaled over $100,000. People criticize him for his style but guess what? He’s so CASH MONEY he doesn’t even need to wear clothes. In fact, underneath the podium is a team of fans “servicing” Arthur’s Dong-Zilla. SO TRUE. Just google it. Trust me.

4. He Does Voice Overs – As a SIDE JOB

DUDE! That puts him on the same league as Morgan Freeman. How can you watch that video and NOT be all excited about Sous-Vide? I want one. I want one now. And if you’re a single woman and you watch this, GOD HELP YOU and your erupting panties.

You’ve been warned.

5. PLOT TWIST: He’s A Family Man

You know how in movies when they reveal the Villain’s motives and you suddenly realize, “holy crap, he’s not a bad guy after all!” Well, this is where Arthur’s evil personality takes a turn: he’s happily married and he’s planning for his future family. He doesn’t give a damn what anyone says about him on Twitter or Fox News because he knows he’s winning big money, and he sees how much his family will benefit from it. So who cares what the hell Jimmy McDonald from Florida says about his shirt, or his eyes? In an age of father-less children who have never had a chance to call anyone dad, this is something I have great respect for.

6. He’s An Asian American BAUCE On National Television

It amazes me how few Asian Americans exist on television. From our misrepresentation on shows like “The Bachelor” to our horribly stereotyped characters on “Broke Girls”, I can’t help but feel pessimistic about America’s attempt at highlighting our stories. So to see Arthur Chu rip a gaping hole in the minds of racist Americans through his abrasive playing style makes me giddy like an Anime school girl. To me, I just love the fact that he’s a regular Asian dude doing great things and THAT is an accurate representation of how us Asians truly are doing in America.

7. He’s In An Interracial Marriage!!!!

SURPRISE, MOTHAF*CKA!

How dare you think I wouldn’t make this relevant! HOW DARE YOU! But yes, Arthur Chu is in an Interracial relationship. So that just makes him that much more of an Asian-American, Jeopardy-Crushing, Money-Collecting, Interracial-Dating, Hero.

# IN ARTHUR CHU WE TRUST

15 Reasons Why Barack Obama Is Actually Asian

The other day I came across this photo of Barack Obama with his extended family. Notice anything?

HELLA ASIANS UP IN HERE! Upon further investigation I was SHOCKED to find out just how Asian Barack truly was. Could it be? Could it be that Asians aren’t just Doctors, Lawyers, Engineers, Nurses, and Pharmacists? Could we actually be… THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA?! Here is definitive proof that our 44th President is indeed a full blown Asian.

1. His Mother re-married an Indonesian man

Obama spent a few years in Indonesia and his step-father was Indonesian. Now, I’m not the most experienced when it comes to Indonesian people but I do know this: they’re brown like me, they probably like eating meat and rice, and they most likely sing Karaoke – so you KNOW Barack indulged in some of that!

2. His Sister is half-Indonesian

You already know Obama and his sister grew up on Anime. YOU ALREADY KNOW THIS!

3. His sister married a Chinese man

Uhhh, hello? Asian Brother-in-Law = Blasian hangouts! The two of them probably drink Ramune, eat pocky sticks, and gossip about how much they like Hawaii Five-O.

4. His half-Brother married a Chinese woman

OH COME ON!! Obama is so Asian when he breathes he smells like Oyster sauce. His brother can even be seen online wearing traditional Asian clothes and you know, YOU KNOW Obama walks around the White House wearing it too.

5. He loves a good MMO RPG

Here’s a photo of Obama playing Starcraft with his online friends, Young Ji and Seonghee. He’s probably winning.

6. He knows how to do “The Asian Bow”

If you read my last post about “How to do the Asian Bow” then you’ll notice that Obama is an expert. He knows not to look into the eyes, bow low, and keep his feet together. HIS FORM IS IMPECCABLE.

7. Obama loves taking selfies

Originally, this picture was of Obama throwing up an Asian peace sign but his buddy didn’t think it was Kawaii enough. Whatever, man…

8. Obama enjoys a good K-Pop marathon

Mr. President has often been spotted watching re-runs of Flower Boy Ramen shop though his favorite pastime is keeping himself updated on the latest K-Pop stars.

9. He’s a big FOODIE

Asians are the biggest, most obnoxious foodies in the world – and so is Obama. President Barack Obama also has a private instagram where he photographs his meals and posts captions like, “nom nom nom” and ” yummy! ^__^”

10. He LOOVES shaved ice

Maybe it’s the Hawaiin in him, or maybe he’s just HELLA ASIAN LIKE THAT. You see, Asians are too cheap and lazy to turn on the air conditioner because they’re afraid of getting a high gas bill. Instead, they eat shaved ice. It’s cheaper, and it tastes like childhood memories and success.

11. Did I mention he LOVES shaved ice?

There’s an infinite supply of photos of Obama eating shaved ice. He’s totes addicted.

12. He’s always chillin’ with his fellow Asian brothers and sisters

Here he is in Korea with his buddies discussing where to go for good Bibimbap.

Now he’s meeting the president of the Philippines, Benigno Aquino, as they shake hands and agree to a Karaoke battle. I think Obama won after that killer rendition of Richard Marx’s “Right here waiting.”

13. Mr. President loves making noodles

I always thought of myself as a noodle expert, but Barack takes it to the extreme: he hires his Chinese noodle buddies to make it for him fresh. That’s dedication!

14. He loves making corny word puns

Asians love making word puns. Here he is whispering a good one into Michelle’s ear.
Barack: Knock Knock
Michelle:
Who’s there?
Barack: Pho
Michelle: Pho who?
Barack: Gurll, your body looks un-PHO-gettable!

15. Barack has those beautiful Asian eyes

YOUR MIND HAS BEEN BLOWN.

AMBW Artists: My Interview with AMBW Romance Writer Nairobi K.

Blog Readers, meet Nairobi K. Nairobi, Readers. 

Now that we’ve gotten through the cheesy introduction, let’s get into it!

Ranier M: Congratulations on your release of “A Rose in the Desert”! Could you tell our readers what this is about?

Nairobi K: A Desert Rose: Snapshot Memories is my debut contribution to AMBW lit. It’s a compilation of short stories illustrating blasian love in a way that is intimate, sensual, unforced, and honest. There is no particular plot, but it was written with the intent that the reader can step into the role of the characters and really experience the moment as it happens in a series of captured memories that leave their imprint long after the moment has passed.

Ranier M:  I love the crafting of Interracial relationships in the snapshots. It doesn’t feel forced and it plays out much like a real-life snapshot: organic and relatable. Were these Interracial pairings intentional or did it just “happen” naturally? Do you think their ethnicities impact the characters themselves?

 

Nairobi K: This is a really good question! As far as intentional pairings, it definitely was intentional simply because I wrote this specifically for the AMBW community. But the stylistic flow of A Desert Rose was inspired by the uninterrupted, organic flow of life. As the saying goes, “Shit happens” and when it does, you wanna capture the beauty of that moment. I didn’t wanna craft a whole bunch of unbelievable interactions as I’ve seen with many other AMBW books that cater to the fantasy of meeting a famous Asian pop star.

As far as the ethnicities having an impact on the character, I love this question and I will say yes. Yes, because it effects how they appeal to each other in a physical way. Absent of any fetishes, the attraction to the physical features, acknowledging the beauty in the complexion, the hair texture, and facial structure is significant because that’s part of the sensuality, the romance, the gravitational force that pulls two equal and opposite forces together. That is something that can only be highlighted with an obvious difference in ethnicity. And yes, because if you look at it from the perspective of someone who is attracted to some one who is completely opposite of them culturally, linguistically, and of course physically, falling in love with that person opens up entirely new potential to not only get to know that person, but get to know love through something like a culture shock. And that can be a beautiful thing.

“Quite like the yin and yang, I think the unity of Asian men and Black women complement each other in a unique way and that’s what I hope to convey in these snapshot memories.”

Ranier M: Okay, let’s talk about the obvious: there’s a clear theme of intimacy and sex within these stories but it’s done in such a tasteful, non-cliche way. We feel like we’re peering into a peep hole of true romanticism that movies and music seem to forget. How did you come up with this concept? Were you in a particular part of your life that influenced this theme? Or was there a certain someone fueling this fire?

 

Nairobi K: You know, I’ve read a few interviews of authors and I don’t recall any of the questions being this damn good. I swear I really had to take a whole day to think about this. Hahaha, but that’s also because I’ve been writing since I was in 7th grade and my style has always been on the level of subtle sensuality, so I never actually had to force this style because it just came naturally.

“I like sexy, but I can’t stand it when authors just throw it in your face and leave nothing up to the imagination.”

I write exactly what I would be interested in reading and since I’m very particular about style and expression when it comes to romance, I decided to take matters into my own hands. I got tired of the cliché and predictable formulas of romance. I guess you could compare my writing style to foreplay because that’s where all the romance is. I get the readers all riled up before it actually happens so when it actually does, it’s like “oh God yes.” Ahahaha

Ranier M: There’s a clear lack of romantic interactions between Black Women and Asian Men in movies, music and television. Is it the same in the literary world? Are you influenced by any current artists or writers? If so, who and if not, what does motivate you to write about something no one else is doing?

Nairobi K: Exactly! There is a clear lack of blasian love in movies, music, and television. This is exactly what frustrates me! We all know it’s at the point where we’re gonna have to start kicking faces in to get ourselves represented in the media and literary world. But it’s one thing to get that representation individually; it’s a whole other beast to see us represented together as a power couple. And because AMBW is still so unique despite the growing online community, we can’t say they don’t wanna see it. I think they just don’t know that it exists. I still get looks of surprise when I’m getting all lovey with my fiancé in public. The stereotypes that people have about black women and Asian men just doesn’t seem to be able to fit in a whole new paradigm of love between two individuals who have been placed on the bottom of society’s most desired list (and who gives a damn about that list, I say). So I decided I would contribute to the brave few authors who have made the AMBW genre more accessible.

 

Before I wrote this, I literally typed into amazon the keyword “ambw” and was excited to find that there was a handful of books on there. I checked out the competition, looked at a few covers to get an idea of what the covers looked like and read the previews on the books. Now this is not to knock any of the hard working authors who cater specifically to the ambw community, but I was shocked at how some of the covers were actually perpetuating stereotypes. And here I thought the whole goal was to make these relationships seem just as normal as the more common black/white interracial relationships. But I found that by both the cover and the short book previews that the characters were still glaringly superficial and at times upholding the stereotypes and fetishes believed about both black women and Asian men individually. So I was very disappointed by much of what I saw, although there were definitely some in there that had great covers and were very good. So you know what I did? I took a short cut! I used my fiancé as the cover model for A Desert Rose.

Sneaky, I know. But I’m also very particular about the imagery because I know very well that covers are what make people actually stop and look. But again, I went for that subtle sexy look with the lights low and the orange glow and….im getting carried away hahahah. But since I had written A Desert Rose before even checking out other books in the genre, once I actually saw what was on the market I realized already that A Desert Rose was taking a unique approach and that really motivated me because I would like to inspire new authors like myself not to be afraid to write an unconventional love story that is natural and relatable.

Ranier M: I truly admire the fact that you don’t fetishize the AMBW relationship and you accurately portray them as normal, sexual and relatable. Do you have any advice for our readers that might be “virgins” to the interracial dating/AMBW world?

Nairobi K: Well I think the approach is quite common sense. Much of the attraction to Asian guys comes from the exposure to their culture and the most popular way is through things like anime, manga, music, and dramas. I’m a fan of all of these, and I may only be twenty one, but dammit I like to consider myself mature and I will not for the life of me try to speak to any and every Asian guy in Japanese or Korean (because those are the main two). In fact, my fiance is often mistaken for Korean or Japanese and he’s neither. The fact that his native languages are both Russian and Kazakh blows people’s mind and turns them in circles. He has had girls melt over him in Japanese and he looks at them like they have no eyebrows. If I hadn’t learned that same lesson early, I’m sure we would not be together. He just doesn’t tolerate such ignorance.

 

“In fact I have a friend who is totally borderline obsessed with Asian men and literally will not consider any other guy who isn’t Asian. Particularly Korean or Japanese, which is also something that really annoys the hell out of me with AMBW virgins. Sometimes they can see the crazed obsession in the eyes and steer clear (smart guys).”

The main expectation is for every Asian guy that crosses their path to be either Korean or Japanese and that seriously needs to stop. I think that is a huge reason some of these relationships don’t work; because of the stereotypes and expectations. And speaking to the ladies, if the guy is neither Korean nor Japanese and you come at him with that bull, you ruined ALL your chances. And frankly that’s just not the way to approach it. In my humble opinion, love comes first and ethnicity is secondary. You shouldn’t categorize Asian men and cross off men from the countries you wouldn’t date. You close off a lot of potential. When you fall in love, it should be that kind of love that just couldn’t explain itself. When people ask you why you like each other, don’t even mention “because she’s black” or “because he’s Asian”. Love doesn’t need cliché or shallow explanations. Too much of that happens in interracial relationships. Plain and simple, let it happen naturally. Keep it honest and sensual, natural and sexy.

For any readers that have any more questions or just want to contact me, you can email me at nairobi_k13@yahoo.com I’d be happy to hear from you! Thanks Ranier for the awesome interview and keep up with the amazing blog. I got you book marked 😀

For a copy of “Desert Rose: Snapshot Memories” buy it now on Amazon!

Asian Guy Confessions: I F*CKING LOVE My Black Girlfriend’s Natural Hair!!!

Oh, me from 2010. So young, so inexperienced yet so full of optimism.

I remember three years ago I wrote a blog called “Asian guy speaks: I think Black Women have Sexy Hair!” which became an instant hit. Black women from all over the internet came flooding my way to thank me for speaking my mind and being so candid about my feelings towards their natural hair. So what do I think now, now that I actually am with a Black woman who has natural hair? Are my opinions still the same or do I have any hidden secrets woven in between?

My Natural Haired Goddess

LOOK AT HER GORGEOUS HAIR! Now look at mine! Don’t our hairstyles make a cute couple? HELLL YEAA THEY DO!

This is my extraordinarily gorgeous girlfriend, Livi.

Livi has been all natural for most of her life and as her boyfriend I couldn’t be happier. I love the way her hair catches the light in the sun, the fruity smell from the products that she uses (well, most of the products at least) and I especially adore the variety of styles that she manages to pull off. You see, some guys don’t have the patience for the whole ‘girls spending hours and hours on their hair’ kind of thing. However, I’m an Asian guy who actually cares about not looking like William Hung so I devote my sweet minutes to curing and crafting my head of hair. I blow dry it, comb it, add product, style it more, add more product then top it off with hair spray. In many ways, Livi can actually be faster at doing her hair than me — which she teases me about.

Unlike me and my sacred hairdo ritual before school, Livi spends most of her time preparing her hair the night before. Jojoba oil this, argan oil that and a host of creams and butters that would make Paula Deen salivate. Sometimes it can get a bit messy with her products all over the counter but it’s not a big deal, I’m used to it. She truly does spend a good amount of time on her hair but I get it — natural hair is far more high maintenance than Asian hair and I actually respect the fact that she knows what she’s doing. Living with a natural haired woman might seem like it would eat up the time you share together but in reality, it’s no more than an hour each day.

Touching, Feeling And Playing With Her Hair

Livi enjoying a cup of “expensively rich and decadent” hot tea from IKEA.

Prior to dating Livi I was under the impression that I would be put into a headlock had I touched or THOUGHT ABOUT TOUCHING a Black woman’s hair. Hey, that’s cool! Back when I had Asian spikes, if you so much as grazed a single spike by accident, LORD HELP YOU because I would have dragon punched your spleen out. But with Livi, she made it clear from the beginning that she didn’t mind me touching her hair. Hell, I could even play with it if I wanted.

I‘d like to think I’m not alone on this but honest to god, I LOVE playing with my girlfriend’s natural hair. I love how soft her hair feels, the way the curls slide through my fingers tugging softly at my fingertips and the sensation I get from it. When we’re watching T.V together on the couch I’ll occasionally turn her back towards me and massage her head with my fingers, making her neck tingle as her shoulders relax and drop. This, to me, is incredibly sexy and is even relaxing for myself.

“Baby, your kitchens are like a lily pad floating on an ocean of happiness on a river bank…err…something like that…”

Though, my favorite thing to do is play with her kitchens. Apparently, kitchens are the smaller hairs on the very back of a person’s natural head that tend to grow in random directions, much like a cowlick, and are often shorter or more curly than the rest. This is my playground. It’s like I’m a child again as I curl, uncurl and even smell the damn thing. Kitchens are damn cute and curse you if you ever try to make them go away! LEAVE THE KITCHENS ALONE, DAMMIT!

The Straightening Of The Hair

It’s an unfortunate reality that the American job market is biased against Black Women. Livi has been on a number of job interviews and although it isn’t scientifically tested, we’ve noticed that most of the interviews that went well were when her hair was straight while the not-so-stellar interviews happened when she wasn’t. Now, we can debate the validity of straight hair vs natural in a job interview but when you’re trying to find a new job to pay for the things you need, hell, you’ll do anything to give yourself that edge even if it means frying your hair under a flat iron (no, she doesn’t relax it — thank god.)

It makes me sad that she has to straighten those beautiful curls and when she does, I feel like a part of her physical identity is temporarily removed and a more “family friendly” and “socially accepted” version is replaced. I know it’s still my girlfriend but I just can’t help seeing it a bit differently. It saddens me even more knowing that deep down, she doesn’t want to do it either.

On her 21st Birthday we went to Bouchon, a Michelin starred restaurant just north of Napa Valley.

On the other hand, there are moments when stylistically, she wants to straighten her hair. Moments when she’s going for a certain look — maybe it’s 60’s themed or perhaps she wants to sweep it to the side — and in those cases we’re not so sad. I still prefer her natural hair but luckily, she actually styles her hair damn well so I’m always a fan.

My Love And Hate Relationship With “The Bonnet”

Shower cap or bonnet? THE WORLD WILL NEVER KNOW!…. nah, jk, that’s a bonnet.

The Bonnet. Most call it a bonnet, I call it: a chef’s hat, an ice cream cone or a Princess Leia. The first time I saw her wear one I was like, “Waddahayl? Why do you have a shower cap on?” to which she replied, “It’s a bonnet! Black girls wear it to bed to protect their hair.” And when she says she wears it to bed I’m saying she wears it to bed EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT. Some days I think it looks like a silly little hat, other days it looks like a cute cupcake head and other nights, as in, those nights I feel a bit more strongly.

My girlfriend has gorgeous hair and seeing it tussle and move is a turn-on. So when we’re getting intimate, the last thing I want on my mind is a damn ice cream cone let alone Princess Leia with an ice cream cone on her head. It’s too damn distracting! Worse yet, bonnets seem to come in only three colors: black, hot pink and some ugly ass butterscotch color. How can I focus on you when I’m starting to think about some damn sweets?! Although, the most important reason why I dislike bonnets during these moments is that to me, bonnets signify that you’re done for the day and that you’re sleepy. So there’s competing messages between the actions being made and the bonnets being worn — catch my drift?

So yea, tip of the day: bonnets are cool except during intimate times.

But THIS is okay during intimate moments :oD

Natural Hair Is Beautiful Because?

Natural hair isn’t beautiful on Livi because of the style or the texture or the even color — even though they are. To me, natural hair is beautiful on Livi because natural hair is… (brace yourself)… NATURALLY HOW HER HAIR LOOKS! It appears exactly as it should and despite being hard to maintain and moisturize and style, she does it. She cares for her hair and it is a symbol of who she is, what she is and how she wants to be seen. And yes, her hair texture is very different from other black women but according to Livi, her hair used to be more fro-like when she was younger before it became color damaged. So her hair is part of her identity and history and if it means that much to her, if it means spending hours taking care of it and wearing bonnets and applying tons of product then HELL YES, it means that much to me too.

You see, I don’t have anything against Black women who relax their hair, straighten or dye it, wear wigs, weaves or braid it, I have no problem at all because I GET IT. I get that society has a fucked up expectation of beauty that has been developed over the years and unfortunately, natural Black hair isn’t always a part of that ‘blonde and beautiful’ story. So when I see a Black woman with relaxed hair or a Black woman with a weave on, it makes me sad. It makes me sad knowing that she has to do that to herself. She has to change part of WHO SHE IS and what is a part of her own genetics in order to feel beautiful, to feel accepted and to feel like herself. It truly does make me sad.

I see it no differently than Jewish people who try to remove the bump on their nose, Asians who pay for double eyelid surgery, pale White people that spend hours tanning or dark skinned brothers and sisters that try to bleach their skin. Sure, these are all things that can make you feel better and less insecure but the question isn’t about, “does it make them feel confident?” but rather, “why do they feel insecure to begin with?” And in my eyes, no one should have to feel like who they truly are and how they are born is anything less than perfect — especially Black women struggling with accepting their natural hair.

So to the 2010 version of myself, I congratulate you for writing that awesome blog and (hopefully) leading the way to more Asian guys falling MADLY IN LOVE with Black women and their natural hair. As for the 2013 version of myself, the one head-over-heels for a beautiful Black woman with luscious, delicious, beautiful, cute, sexy and perfect hair? What lesson should I give to myself? Well.. perhaps I’ll save my words of wisdom till Livi and I have cute little Blasian kids and I’m the one hunched over the couch combing my son or daughters hair as I cheerfully play with their kitchens.

After uploading an image of myself and Livi to this website, the site generated an approximation of what our future child “might” look like. I KINDA see it, yea?

Do Asian Guys Like Thick/Curvy/Big Girls?

Let me guess: you’re single, ready to mingle and you’re ready to say hello to the brothers in yellow. Unfortunately, despite your love for Asian guys you constantly look in the mirror and ask yourself, “will an Asian guy be able to love and handle all my love handles? Can he handle all of this meat?! WILL HE STAND TALL AND ERECT WHEN I STRIKE DOWN UPON HIS BODY WITH MY THUNDER THIGHS?!!?!” In other words…

DO ASIAN GUYS LIKE THICK/BIG GIRLS?

NEWMODELS

Generally speaking, most people tend to go after and date those who have body types similar to their own . If you take an anorexic, sucked-up guy with arms as thin as noodles, chances are, he’ll end up with a girl just as noodle-like as himself. On the opposite end, a guy with a beer baby sloshing around his gut will probably go for a girl who also has more to love. Of course, there are exceptions and unfortunately, you’re more likely to see a bigger guy with a skinnier girl as opposed to a thick girl and a skinny guy.

I know, it sucks! HOWEVER, that’s just a general way of approaching the subject. When you zoom in a bit and focus on specific cultures, you start to notice that certain ethnic groups are actually open, if not IN LOVE, with thicker, more curvacious ladies. By now most of us are aware of the countries/cultures that are more likely to breed lovers of curves: Brazil, Mexico, parts of Africa and even Hawaii.

Here’s The Bad News…

“Damn you Asian culture! Why won’t you accept my love for thick women?!”

As a whole, Asian people tend to not like bigger people. Save for the Japanese Sumo Wrestlers who are all men, most Asian cultures have a standard of beauty that says the thinner the better. While some might say this is a highly superficial and vain way of thinking (to which I do agree) you also must understand why Asian people think this way. First off, based on the fish and vegetable heavy diets that Asians have, we are simply less likely to get fat by the logic of nutrition. Combined with the reality that much of Asia is actually VERY, VERY, VERY poor, the result is a population of people who simply do not have the money nor the diets to sustain any curves.

Second, Asians are incredibly conservative when it comes to social status. Everything they do revolves around maintaining and upgrading their status in society. Part of that is to be just as skinny as everyone else. As an Asian competing against other Asians, you have to drive the same expensive car, take your kids to the same expensive University and you need to be shopping at the same expensive designer boutique while wearing the same size dresses and jeans. To an Asian, being bigger and heavier is almost an automatic deduction in one’s social status, despite how much money you make —  especially for women.

Here’s The Good News!

“Hey there lovely lady, are you new to this buffet?”

Everything I said in the previous two paragraphs mainly applies to Asian-born Asians and not Asian Americans. Also, most of the discrimination against women with junk-in-the-trunk stems from OLDER ASIANS, aka, people in their 40’s and up. Asian guys my age (I’m currently 23) honestly don’t care too much about weight so long as you’re not double our size. So if we weigh 150lbs and you weigh 240… yeaa…. you might want to reconsider. But hey! You never know! He might wanna dive right into that body of yours like a scuba diver! It all depends.

Now, this is the part where I complicate things for just a second: relative to Asians, there are a few Asians that are more likely to discriminate based on your body weight and they just so happen to be the big three: Chinese, Japanese and Koreans. “OH NO! ARE YOU TELLING ME THAT I DON’T HAVE A CHANCE TO FIND MY OPPA BECAUSE HE WON’T LOVE MY LOVE DUMPLINGS?!” Ehhh…. kinda? You see, the big three just so happen to be some of the more conservative Asians so you’re MORE LIKELY to encounter Korean, Chinese or Japanese guys that won’t date big girls. That’s simply what I’ve noticed but as always, there are exceptions. If anything, try a Filipino, Thai or Vietnamese guy! They MIGHT be less critical.

THE BOTTOM LINE

BEHOLD!!

So if you’re wondering if having a big ass or wide hips will turn-off an Asian guy, I’m pretty damn sure he’ll love it. In fact, you might blow his goddamn mind with how attractive you are. How much will he love it? It depends on how conservative he is, if he’s been with a big girl before, what kind of Asian he is MIGHT have an affect, and most importantly, how husky is he himself?

When it comes to whether or not Asian guys date big girls, the deciding factor is YOU and SOCIETY. Exactly how BIG are you and how much does the rest of society care? The reality of the situation is that your weight shouldn’t matter in a relationship. Unless your weight affects the sex, your ability to go on activities with your boyfriend or your tendency to eat a certain diet that your Asian boyfriend doesn’t like, unless your weight negatively affects your relationship, you should be just fine. But you still have to define: how BIG are YOU? And are you too big for other guys who aren’t Asian? Do you also have trouble with Latin guys or White guys or Black guys? Because if you have had problems in the past with guys accepting your weight, then I can be certain that simply switching to Asian guys won’t exactly change things.

“Where can an Asian guy get some decent THIGH ACTION around here?!”

If all else fails, hire an Asian personal trainer, tone up, get fit, take him to the locker room, compliment his biceps, pretend to drop something, bend over, show-off DAT BODY and make him LOVE THOSE CURVES!

WERK IT!

AMBW Rant: Can Black Women ONLY Date “Ghetto” Asian Men?

From time to time, I enjoy perusing through the AMBW videos on Youtube for a good hour or two. Like an alumni of AMBW University visiting his alma mater, I look upon these videos with a judgmental eye, checking to see the bullshit that ementates from people’s mouths. Recently, Asian duo extraordinaire, the Fung Brothers, posted a video called “Do Asian Men Like Black Wom[e]n?” and all I gotta say is…

DUDE… WTF?

“Brah, you just went full racist!”

You see, I agree with a lot of what they are saying and not to toot my own horn or anything, but I’ve been saying the same damn shit for YEARS. But the part that rustles the FUCK out of my jimmies starts at about 1:30 when the Fung Bros talk about the type of Asian guy that Black girls should go after. Apparently, if you are a Black woman looking for an Asian man, you need to find an Asian guy “with a shaved head, a line-up, a fitted cap, snap-back, if he knows how to rap… if him and his friends use the ‘N-word’ amongst themselves.” In other words, go find a “ghetto” Asian guy.

Now of course, I do see the point that the guys are trying to make which is to say that you need to find the Asian guy who seems most comfortable around Black people, thus he will be comfortable hitting on you and willing to pursue a relationship — theoretically. However, I simply dislike– nay, I FUCKING HATE this idea. You see, the problem with this idea isn’t about the Asian guy being ghetto and that somehow I’m trying to associate ghetto with him being BAD. No no, the biggest problem with this idea is that it assumes that all Black Women are inherently attracted to ghetto guys.

WAIT, WHAT?

“But! But! I don’t even know how to twerk! I only know the cabbage patch!”

If you make the claim that the best type of Asian guy for a Black girl happens to be into hip-hop and saying the word nigga, then what exactly does that say about your expectations and understanding of Black Women in general? What? So Black Women shouldn’t pursue the Asian guy on the football team? What about the Japanese exchange student who listens to classical music? That type of narrow thinking is not just ignorant,  it’s a bit racist. This isn’t even something that is exclusive to the Fung Bros, this is something that, unfortunately, a lot of Asian guys are guilty of.

I‘ve heard of many horror stories from Black women who feel objectified and stereotyped by MANY Asian BOYS. Boys who think that just because they are approaching a Black woman, the doors of ethical behavior rip the hell off their hinges and an everything-goes mentality is put into place. These guys might grab Black women, cat-call them and in some cases, they even try and speak differently to them, as if Black women somehow only understand ebonics. This kind of bullshit infuriates me and for the Asian guy who thinks this is okay, please, brother, kill yourself.

“Oh god! What have I done?! Why did I say ‘waddup, ma?’ to that pretty Black girl?!”

My Advice To Asian Men Interested In Black Women

When you meet that special Black Woman you want to marry and have kids with, I don’t care if she herself “talks ghetto,” if you DON’T talk like that, there is no need to start pretending like you do. Act normal. Just because you’re with a Black woman doesn’t mean you need to stop playing DOTA 2 and League of Legends in exchange for NBA2K13 and a trip to the barber shop. Be your damn self. If she’s open to the idea of dating an Asian man in the first place, then she probably expects you to sometimes do things that are a bit “Asian-y.” Don’t be ashamed, brother, treat her with the same respect you would give to a White, Asian, Latina or African girl. At the end of the day, before being a Black woman, she became a WOMAN. So make her feel like a very, very special one.

My Advice To Black Women Having Issues With Ignorant Asian Men

Don’t listen to that nonsensical bullshit about you chasing after ghetto Asian guys. Could you use that advice as a reference point? Of course. The Fung Bros did make a good point, please do take an Asian American Studies course and talk to the Asian guys there. If they are willing to become more culturally aware of their own racial identity, chances are, they might just be open about other races in general. So go for it! If you think that buff and sexy nerdy Asian guy in your Art History class has a nice jawline that you’re interested in kissing, go up to him! Talk to him!

Don’t feel restricted by your stereotypes and the pressure from society to date a “type” of guy. You are not a video hoe, you are not a welfare queen and you are certainly not a cheap girl who deserves to be grabbed and hollered at. You can run this country if you want, be a software engineer if you want and goddamnnit, you can date whoever the FUCK you want, too! If an Asian guy comes up to you in a disrespectful way, wave his sorry ass goodbye and move on. Remember, there are BILLIONS of us Asian men out there, a new one, THE RIGHT ONE, is coming soon 🙂